how do you practice empathy/understanding towards women and their issues even while you aren't shown any towards your problems?

BloomingBrains · 2022-09-14T03:51:17+00:00

First of all, there are way more lonely men than there are women who get raped, so the whole "but women get raped tho" argument is drawing a false equivocation. On a one to one comparison level, sure, getting raped is worse than being lonely. But men die all the time at their jobs or suffer from just as intense PTSD as rape victims as a result of war or other trauma (men make up the majority of overall violence victims) not to mention sometimes getting raped themselves as well. If you counted up all the trauma men face as a whole and compared it to the trauma women face as a whole, would they be equal? I don't know, maybe. But who the fuck cares. Its foolish to make pointless comparisons like that because...

Secondly, just because one group suffers from one problem, doesn't mean group B's problem is irrelevant just because it is less intense/traumatic.

Lastly, it is unreasonable to expect perfect empathy from men towards women's issues while women are not even expected to lend "skeptical empathy" towards male issues. Everyone has their own problems, and everyone else's will naturally seem remote to them. That's just human nature. Aside from breaking down and sobbing every 5 seconds, what do they expect of us? Yes, rape is bad. But am I supposed to be choked up about that every waking moment of my life? No. That is an unreasonable expectation. Same as it would be an unreasonable expectation for women to cry every day over male issues. But they can at least acknowledge them like we acknowledge female problems, no?

Regarding finding the motivation to care: I'll just say this "when you love something, let it go". That's the phrase I convinced myself of. It brought me out of my misogynistic period. I genuinely want women to be happy even if its not with me because I love them so much. Sure, you could say that's self-aggrandizement, and on some level it probably is, but human beings are not perfect. I do genuinely feel that way. Patting myself on the back over it is just a coping mechanism.

EddgeLord666 · 2022-09-14T04:22:18+00:00

Frankly I don’t show empathy toward women as a collective. I do feel bad about things that women specifically have to deal with though (like restrictions on abortion rights post Roe v Wade being overturned) because there are some compassionate women out there who are affected by stuff that harms women and they deserve better than that. I extend that empathy on an individual basis though, I don’t really feel motivated to fight for women in general due to the attitude most have toward me and other males.

Loki_the_Trustworthy · 2022-09-14T06:10:39+00:00

The real answer is to not try to extend empathy or hostility to any group as a whole, it just skews your expectations if you do. While our brains try to simplify things by saying x group is like this or y group is like that, people are individuals and it's a lot easier to deal with them in a level way when you remember that.

Like men, some women are good, some are bad, and the majority are quietly boring. Pretty much every faction in the culture wars raging nowadays are an extremely vocal minority being given a spotlight by social media and news teams hungry for exposure. Most people aren't that bigoted; they'll likely have their own biases and shitty ideas (after all, who doesn't?), but very few are as hostile or fucked up as the ones you're seeing in videos.

So yeah, just aim to be neutral to people you don't know anything about. You don't have to go out of your way for them, nor do you have to forgive them if they're an asshole, but just don't write them off if they themselves haven't done anything shitty. Most people aren't dicks, especially offline, but people tend to overlook the untroublesome majority because they aren't drawing attention to themselves.

I would lay off the vids too, they'll like just demoralize you by making you think the problem is worse than it is

Peptocoptr · 2022-09-14T02:35:00+00:00

from the vast collection of videos/post of women saying bullshit, or the black pilling compilations/videos

That's a major part of your problem right here. Especially the black pill part. I know that content can be appealing for someone with the lived experience to back it up. I really do. It's not entirely your fault that you fell into it (we need to provide lost young men with better, non feminist alternatives). But you need to rid yourself of this toxicity poisoning your intake of ideas. You know what you need to do, and I know you have the strenght to do it.

Enzi42 · 2022-09-14T11:00:52+00:00

I tend to focus on the individual women I know who are nothing like the hateful hordes that infest the Internet. I think about how certain women’s issues affect them. I try to help on an individual basis based on that.

Plus as others on this thread have said, “empathy” is different from “sympathy”. I can put myself in the shoes of women impacted by certain problems and get a certain sense of how they feel.

As for sympathy...I have little sympathy for them as a group, due to how hostile the overall group has been to men, including their celebratory attitudes towards men’s struggles and self righteous defense of misandry. Which means I refuse to support or lend aid to efforts to solve women’s issues overall unless they include a pro-male attitude or at least avoid scapegoating us.

carverchile75 · 2022-09-14T03:10:08+00:00

Youtube and reddit and obnoxious articles by thinkers arent the world. Talk to real women about their real experiences.

Ive sat in meetings where women are talked over by sexists (not a daily occurence but also not nonexistent); spoken to brilliant women who were told to be nurses instead of doctors; seen girls softball fields get a fraction of the funding that boys baseball teams get; talked to women for whom abortions probably saved their functional lives; talked to physically abused women. They're people, and they suffer experiences, at least in part, based on their gender and society's view of their gender roles. It doesnt take a stretch to realize that their lives have had challenges and evoke empathy. It's good to have empathy.

Likewise, good women--not women being loud and hateful on twitter for followers--realize it's not a one way street. Maybe many don't recognize that men get screwed too. But some do, or they can be brought around. I've had many a commiserating conversation with women who have suffered, who also realize men suffer as well. Some of the structures hurt us both. Be strong to protect yourself and your values, but dont give in to hate.

Ausiwandilaz · 2022-09-14T09:00:06+00:00

With anyone male, female, black, white, hispanic, etc. If i give you courtesy and you dont respect it, then fuck you. I used to enjoy shoving my courtesy in peoples faced, but I find it easier let that energy radiate from you before they get close.

It might be a bittering concept, it might be a defencive concept, IDK . But what i know its made me more alert and confident.

YesAmAThrowaway · 2022-09-14T10:27:03+00:00

I find women that aren't ignorant towards my lived experience and listen to theirs. Filtering out the ideological narratives can then be done a bit easier and you see the core of real women's struggles, which are more than plenty enough and quite serious.

RhinoNomad · 2022-09-14T11:05:01+00:00

This kind of empathy and understanding is for individuals, you don't necessarily need empathy for everyone.

That being said, I think if you feel like you aren't being heard, you should look for spaces that address your problems adequately.

Motanul_Negru · 2022-09-14T05:03:06+00:00

That's the neat thing: I don't.

Instead I spurn anyone who shits on me, my loved ones, and positions I hold or find myself in, on principle (there are conflicts unfortunately, but I'm not going to get into that).

Title	how do you practice empathy/understanding towards women and their issues even while you aren't shown any towards your problems?
Author	Local-Willingness784
Upvotes	39
Comments	13
Date	September 14, 2022 1:46 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/xdp2sc/how_do_you_practice_empathyunderstanding_towards/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/how-do-you-practice-empathyunderstanding-towards.1131107 https://theredarchive.com/post/1131107

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