How to be mgtow while being married

CuriousIncel2 · 2020-12-05T07:35:34+00:00

I would try to make the best of a bad situation.

Now dont get me wrong I love her but she just like most women I've been with hurt me really bad. I wont leave her but want to know how others would approach this.

MarriedRedPill sub claims to offer Red Pilled advice for married men. If that works, you might be able to turn around your marriage.

Otherwise I'd just find a way to accept the situation, to ensure I don't do something even more regretful than marriage. You're discovering that marriage is a sword of Damocles that allows a woman to do whatever she wants without consequences.

WrongTime01 · 2020-12-05T07:10:05+00:00

Firstly, get a postnup (it’s exactly the same as a prenup except you get one after marriage). This is to defend yourself in the event you do get divorced (and we all know what happens then).

After that, just live the way you want. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean your wife owns you. Go to the bar with your friends, go to the movies, go do whatever it is you want to do. Only issue is you can’t see other women, since you’re married and all that (but since you’re married in the first place, I doubt that’s what you were really planning to do).

Also, MGTOW doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy your wife’s company. MGTOW simply means you don’t let women control how you want to live your life. Watch some movies, go on a date & split the bill, do whatever you enjoy doing together with your wife.

Just don’t let her take advantage of you, because being taken advantage of is inevitable in nearly every relationship (even with other guys) if they smell blood in the water. It’s human nature

GetGetFresh · 2020-12-05T10:59:09+00:00

U cannot mgtow while being married. Thats like saying how to live free while you're in jail. Women are LEAVABLE.

oushkul · 2020-12-05T10:38:37+00:00

If you assume your marriage is doomed to fail at some point in the near future, this puts you in a position to decide how your marriage ends.

You could wait for her to get bored, cheat or just cut you out until you leave yourself, or..

You could grab the bull by the horns and end it first.

How this plays out is mostly down to luck and the whims of your wife but she may be inclined to go more gently on you if the marriage is over because you "can't do it any more" as opposed to the norm of her being exposed ás a cheating ho.

If you divorce as a result of her cheating, she is going to be feeling guilty and angry at being caught. At least with you making the decision she doesn't have to feel so bad about herself or hate you for calling her out. There is a chance she may even be relieved and be more amicable in a settlement.

Don't get me wrong, either way you're coming out of this badly but if you really want to head down your MGTOW path, the first thing to do is to choose your path and take that first step. Only you can choose and only you can take that step. You then have to be stoic in your acceptance of the consequences of this step...

... Or you could just stay married and pray it doesn't fall apart around you.

no1dea5 · 2020-12-05T14:50:11+00:00

Mgtow is becoming a religion where only one set of ideals is allowed otherwise you're "blue pilled" or a "cuck'. Honestly if your women respects you and you respect her then you don't need MGTOW.

ToadFlax1 · 2020-12-05T15:39:55+00:00

Honestly, sit her down and have a discussion about the ways she’s hurt you and explain to her how she makes you feel when she does whatever it is, it’s important that this discussion is calm, you can cry if it’s really that bad, that’s fine but try not to seem like you’re starting an argument(not that I think you would) I think it’s better to face your problems together and try to fix them rather than run from them like many comments suggest. If you love her which you say you do, the best thing you can do is save your marriage and if you do love her I can’t imagine she’s a bad person who will be unwilling to listen. Good luck buddy

Robert_is_a_Loser · 2020-12-05T16:34:20+00:00

I got you OP. I made this thread for the cross section of men that find MGTOW post marriage: https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/evdd6u/advice_to_those_who_discover_mgtow_after_marriage/

Undoubtedly unpopular opinion here but the key aspect(s) of MGTOW are NOT no marriage and/or no cohabitation. At it's core, the most important aspect of the MGTOW philosophy is not basing your self-worth as an individual on a woman. Last I checked this can be done regardless of martial status. Does this mean I am advocating for marriage or cohabitation? No. Absolutely not. However in the same breath I cannot take the popular opinion of "oh man you're married? You are fucked lol"

The quote,"By nature of definition only the coward is capable of the highest heroism." comes to mind. As a married man aspiring to be MGTOW you have to first understand your position. Familiarize yourself with the fact 7 out of 10 women initiate divorce and how the family court is against you. Acknowledge the fact that even if you do EVERYTHING the "right way" your wife could hit you with the "I'm not happy" speech and pursue divorce. First and foremost don't allow your wife to take your balls and if she has you need to get them back. This will have to be your new "core" if you seek the MGTOW lifestyle:

"The essence of the Way is when faced with the choice of life or death, is to choose death without hesitation.’ This is the most important concept to grasp when entering into the world of the samurai"

If you are aware of the dismal marriage statistics and accept that odds are you will fall into the "failed marriages" regardless of what you do...then you choose yourself without hesitation. THAT is how a man in a marriage chooses MGTOW. That path is going to be unique to you. No disrespect to the men in the peanut gallery but they are NOT in your situation. You have to look at it like you are preparing for a MMA fight with a striker who does grappling. The men here in MGTOW exclusively train boxing and know little to nothing with grappling. These men will tell you avoid that fight because they do not know how to deal with such an opponent nor want to think about how they will hypothetically deal with that opponent because they are boxers. Guess what buddy? You already signed up for that MMA fight so you could either lament the fact that you are not in a boxing match or you can seek out how to grapple.

Does this mean the boxers around you are useless? No. Fighting on a fundamental level is 90% mental just like being MGTOW is 90% mental. Analogy aside, learn what you can from the men of MGTOW to become "mentally" strong. Do NOT adopt the "happy wife, happy life" mentality. You legitimately have to go your own way and forge a path that will not make sense to many MGTOW. That is fine. Many men will argue semantics with you about "no true MGTOW would be married" often using shaming language calling you a "cuck", "blue pill", etc. and that is fine too.

Remember the label of "MGTOW" is not important. The idea is not new and has most likely been renamed many times throughout human history. IF you want to be "MGTOW" then adopt/adapt the aspects that you reasonably can into your life given your situation(s) and ignore the aspects that do not apply to you. Mixed martial artists do it all the time. You take what you can use and discard what you don't to develop your own style. You need to transition from wanting to learn a "pure" style like boxing (aka MGTOW) and wanting to develop you own style for your specific fight with your opponent.

You are a married man so the time for "what if I was single" and "if only things were different" is over. You have to face the consequences of your actions, acknowledge the risks and adjust accordingly. Worst case scenario your wife files for divorce like over half of all marriages. Best case scenario you somehow manage to integrate MGTOW into your marriage creating something new that works for you and your life.

Perseus_the_Bold · 2020-12-05T17:17:14+00:00

It sounds like you want to go your own way. The only way to do so is to get a divorce and build your own life in your own terms.

But if you say you love her and don't want to leave her then that's not how going your own way works. Red Pillers may be of more help to you because they have more experience and knowledge in dealing with women whereas we as MGTOW have simply just renounced women in order to focus on our own lives and pursue our own best interests and happiness.

Good luck. Bruh

cryptotrader23 · 2020-12-05T17:57:55+00:00

So I know this might be the unpopular opinion this is just my experience... if you’ve been in nothing but bad relationships then the common denominator is you. Look at yourself and focus on finding out what it is, it could be simple childhood traumas that lead you into bad behavior/choices that leak into your love life.

Be careful taking everything to heart with the red/blue pill. After a certain point you’ll see what works for you and your life. Going to the extremes either way is not healthy and it will cause a lot of hell for you.

Relationships take work. Period. It’s not going to be a happy stroll down the yellow brick road. If you believe it should be completely effortless then you’ll be in for a rude awakening. No different than any other healthy relationship in life, you’ll have arguments, agreements, compromises and really awesome times. You’ll see what’s going to work for your boundaries and theirs. (Don’t bend over backwards for someone and be a door mat, still gotta be your own person at the end of the day).

It’s a lot that goes into it but you’ll see what will work for you and what’s not. It’s a balancing act but eventually you’ll find that masculine center.

ripped_reaper94 · 2020-12-05T19:47:29+00:00

That's like saying how to be a Republican and still believe in Socialism.

JizenM · 2020-12-06T00:09:14+00:00

My recommendation would be this:

1. Sit your woman down and say that you want to have a serious talk with her, and that you want to ask something from her.

2. Tell her that you love her, but that you're worried about all the toxic misinformation she is being exposed to, and that you want to ask her for 3.5 hours of her time. In return offer that she can ask anything she wants from you for 3.5 hours.

3. Get her to agree and promise to fulfill what you ask before you tell what it is.

4. Once she agrees tell her that you want the two of you to grow closer, and to do that you need to learn to communicate better. In order to do that you both need to learn to understand each other better.

5. Buy her the audiobook "The Myth Of Male Power" by Warren Farrell and ask her to listen to it. It's only around 3 hours long. Get the time commitment in one session and make sure she has no distractions like phone, TV etc.

6. Once she's listened to it, ask her to sit down with you for 20 minutes to discuss some of the issues brought up, and how she feels about them.

7. Don't push anything on her, simply let the message of that book help her see "the other side of the coin" for a bit, but do make sure to discuss it with her for a little while in an understanding tone...to make sure she can't just "immediately forget it".

8. If this first test is a success and you see some change in her, get her to read the book: "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldham. Obviously make sure you read it first yourself.

9. Read the accompanying book yourself called: "For Men Only" also by Shaunti Feldham and ber husband Jeff.

10. Always remember that your wife is an emotional being and her truth is how she feels, not necessarily any objective truth. When she is bad, try to love her like you would a disobedient child, and try to discipline her in a similar way if you can.

If she is a lost cause, then the other men will have better advice than me on how to best get out and go MGTOW.

[deleted] · 2020-12-06T01:21:22+00:00

[removed]

_ferz · 2020-12-05T13:08:11+00:00

Basically you're not in MGTOW zone anymore, you're playing the Red Pill game on hard mode now. So, consult the Red Pill community, I think they have a dedicated sub.

UnearthlyDinosaur · 2020-12-07T00:46:16+00:00

You not leaving her is validating her bad behavior. What are you afraid of? A married guy who’s MGTOW is a confused person. You better not pass this mentality on to your kids

Oatmeal_or_Porridge · 2020-12-07T04:43:36+00:00

Read /r/marriedredpill

johnnnyrottten · 2020-12-08T05:49:11+00:00

both my grandfathers did a good job of being away from grandma while still being married. they were original MGTOWs. slept in seperate bedroom, had their own tv room, went to neighborhood pub alone. they ate dinner together but minimal conversation and after dinner it was off to back room for tv.

Impossible-asset · 2020-12-05T14:12:07+00:00

Simply put: if you are married, you are not mgtow.

You may be red-pilled, sure. Ir you may be a blue-pill or simp with buyers remorse.

But mgtow? No.

Mgtow have one thing in common: no marriage, no cohabitation. That is the foundation. Many also incorporate dating/ltr/even casual one nighters into that.

I think the sub you're looking for is /marriedredpill.

xinxinel · 2020-12-05T13:34:39+00:00

if she cheated on you leave her, or you have no self respect and give her a free pass to do it as often as she likes

zootloc · 2020-12-05T08:54:48+00:00

The moment you’re married you’re redpill instead of Mgtow. 1. Prenup 2. Option don’t have children if you do make sure get them as close age as possible. 3. Have offshore accounts for emergency. 4. Good luck

EyeOnThePrize44 · 2020-12-05T11:05:54+00:00

Do you have money? Do you have assets? If the answer is no then immediately get a divorce :)

downvotemesnowflake · 2020-12-05T11:07:04+00:00

Prenuptial agreement, they vary by state some are still pretty draconian and don't actually offer much protection. Be ready to convert all of your assets to gold and be ready to hide it if shit hits the fan. Maybe don't get married in the first place it's not exactly a requirement. Any female that rushes marriage and acts insulated when you mention a prenup is a major red flag. Best of luck.

--Reddit-Username2-- · 2020-12-05T11:54:40+00:00

Start working out now. Get familiar with the 12 step plan of dread. Try for a postnup (gonna be tough). Live life on your terms.

Solo_and_Simple · 2020-12-05T13:05:59+00:00

Well, you can't. If there's anything that defines MGTOW, it's avoidance of marriage. You can be red pilled, though. Get yourself a good red pill education. Rollo Tomassi would be a good place to start, if you haven't already encountered him. His Rational Male series is a classic. He's been married himself for about 20 years.

ABicycleRide · 2020-12-05T13:13:14+00:00

I find the concept of a "married MGTOW" a bit ridiculous, since a marriage is the exact OPPOSITE 'definition' than 'living for yourself'. So as far as I see this, if your goal is to stay married, then you should definitely head towards the redpill sub.

Then again if you really want to live the MGTOW life as a married man, which basically means you will put yourself first, pretty much exclusively, you can imagine that it will affect your marriage dramatically, and pretty fast.

I think it could go one of two ways. Either your wife reacts positively to this 'new man' in her life that she can't walk on like a rug anymore, or she reacts negatively and you will be headed for divorce soon (more likely.)

In the rare, theoretical event that the first option would happen, your marriage could turn around thanks to your new 'independence' and possibly lead to a better marriage, which is one where she doesn't 'own' your ass. This would STILL mean you are not really a MGTOW, because marriage is about being together, and MGTOW is about being alone!

In the more probable alternate turn of event, you will be headed for divorce. In that case, the CENTRAL strategy, for most men in a similar situation like yours with limited assets, is to make sure to appear POORER than the wife. But you need to prepare long BEFORE you get to court. A central goalpost is to make very sure to earn less money than she earns! And doing it in such a way that it's not obvious to the judge what you're doing. Only with this in place will you have any chance of not getting crushed financially for a long time.

Still, with kids you still have to pay some alimony unless you end up on social services, so the only "winning" option is to be poor, then get judgment, then rebuild your life to a better salary COVERTLY, so she doesn't bring you back to court for more money.

There are MANY variations regarding "the best plan" but it depends on so many factors, which we don't know here, such as your whole family financials, the laws of where you live, the judge you'll get etc. In the end, once married with kids, you ARE basically screwed.

Good luck. You will seriously need it.

Rushguy · 2021-01-20T21:18:32+00:00

God you sound like a whinny bitch.

Title	How to be mgtow while being married
Author	Sean02281986
Upvotes	2
Comments	54
Date	December 5, 2020 6:11 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MGTOW2
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MGTOW2/comments/k72f2j/how_to_be_mgtow_while_being_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MGTOW2/how-to-be-mgtow-while-being-married.803853 https://theredarchive.com/post/803853

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