I'll keep it short as I am at work and don't have much time (marriage wise or work wise actually). I know a lot of people have come back from worse, so I'm naively optimistic.

I don't expect to learn every facet of RP philosophy in a day, but I need some pointers and something relatively quick to digest. The situation is coming to an apex fast and my CBF level is about to burst the top of the thermometer.

So I've been married almost exactly 3,and a half years. Sex happens maybe once a month, on average. Tends to go through bursts of interest and disinterest from her. I mention this because I feel a healthy sex life is an indicator of a healthy marriage.

I have a few key points I need to address, between work an the commute I am busy 14.5hrs a day and so that last 1.5 is rarely enough to address anything meaningful. I'm making a stand this Friday night when I have a whole weekend to wait out her gaslighting (she does it a lot and she's bloody good at it). I realise reading TRP many of these are issues I need to deal with, not her. I mean they're her issues, but expecting her to deal with them is like telling a kid to stop eating candy when they're ready, am I right? It was a very BP world I was living in. Swallowing TRP isn't so hard for me, "reality" never felt quite right, it wasn't cogent or believable. Now I know why at least.

I want to just walk away, but I didn't get married to just walk away. Id be lying not to admit I love her, but I feel little respect or admiration and I get plenty from beautiful work colleagues. I know I am happy single with a motorbike, a bed and food... That's all I really need personally.

Anyway the list.

  1. Lazy unless it suits her

  2. Sexually disinterested, but tells me I need to show interest in her to make her feel good. Shows almost no interest in me though. Has also trained me out of trying the last 3 years, I rarely get it when I want it unless she wants it.

  3. Rarely cooks

  4. Rarely cleans

  5. Went back to university while I work. I am okay with this if she picks up some slack. I mean uni doesn't make it impossible to keep a house in order.

  6. Constantly challenges me (I now realise these are shit tests) I'm getting a lot better with them, but there's a ways to go for her and me.

  7. Challenges me wanting a new motorcycle (albeit on finance). Wed have more money if we didn't have a horse she never rides and she stopped spending it all. Admittedly I am 27 and its a bit of a quarter life crisis as they say. But I also feel its a rightful desire. I haven't bought anything notable I want in 3.5 years and I sold my bike to buy the engagement ring. Also she tells me that I wont be allowed to commute on it if I get one, like she has the right to say that? It will cut an hour and a half a day off my 4.5 hour daily commute.

  8. Socially disruptive. I now have almost no friends and barely see the one I still have. I used to be the life.of the party. She's clearly no impressed by me not being myself either 9.emotionally manipulative. I feel like a bastard if I ever say no to anything.

I think I need a temporary separation. She's got me so used to following her rules, even if I go back to being me. I wont be me while I still have to be in the same house every night. I need some space I think. I also think it will shock her into my reality that I am ready to walk.

Anyway the list is what she is hearing about come Friday. I have basically 48 hours to work out a plan. Ergo easily digestible. Id rather learn more and wait longer, but if I do that ill just leave altogether. Anyone been here or have some thoughts?