Approach addiction

Sepean · 2015-04-17T08:54:31+00:00

As someone who has struggled with behavioral addiction: If you are addicted you will need more and more stimulation to get the high. You will begin spending more and more time on it, making excuses to get into situations where you can approach, you will begin taking time from constructive activities in order to approach. And you will need greater intensity - closing numbers will become kissing will become fucking to get your high.

Google sex addicts and see what sort of life they live. Is that what you want?

There's a world of difference between something that is really fun and something you find addictive. Thread carefully, friend. Behavioral addiction will fuck your life up royally and it is very hard to see it coming because you hamster away the symptoms.

jacktenofhearts · 2015-04-17T11:48:05+00:00

Yes, no shit it's the validation.

I'm gonna guess you grew up with a codependent personality. Dad divorced mom, you had to make mom and your younger siblings feel better. You express love through protecting people from negative emotions. In other words, your self-worth is based entirely about how you make others feel.

So you got older, ended up in the Friend Zone over and over again. Girls would talk to you about your problems, and then say, "thanks RedBaller, you're such a good friend" and you'd feel that dopamine rush. Then you'd wonder why they rejected your love when you finally "confessed your feelings."

Then you probably snapped out of it a bit, enough to meet your wife, who is probably narcisstic enough to need your codependence. She acts like you committed some terrible sin, causing you to freak out and fall all over yourself apologizing because you can't handle making someone else feel bad - you make people feel good, right? This response which gives her the external validation she craves, since narcissts do this shit because they really have no sense of actual self-worth.

So. Now you've discovered you can approach women in a way that will make them feel good and get you considered as a sexual object. So no shit that's addicting. It's so addicting you basically become a narcissist yourself. You already put way too much of your self-worth in whether you made others feel good, but now you need them to make you feeling good.

The entire fucking PUA community is filled like shmucks like you, dressing up to "peacock," learning their "negs" and "sarging" and looking for "IOIs." If you're a 19 year old kid, it's not so bad. It's definitely better than listening to some girl while about her boyfriend and then fuck him and not you.

The problem with PUA is it doesn't fix your pathology. You're still a codependent. You're still attracted to idiot narcissistic women, because they give you a "challenge" that rewards your dopamine levels. And you're good at it because shit like "negging" works the best with girls like that. You give them external validation, then withdraw it, and then they freak the fuck out and fuck you to regain that validation.

I got divorced in my early 30s, about 12 years ago. This is when Mystery and all that shit was starting to spread around the Internet, and I gobbled it up. I too was "addicted to the approach." And I was single again, so I could act on it. I got laid. A lot. It was fun.

Then I got bored. Why? Because banging random chicks gets boring, especially when you're only doing it due to pathological codependency like I was. You need to hit on progressively more narcissistic women to get that same "rush." The shittier she treats you, the more validation you feel when you finally get her naked and fuck her. This is like 90% of all field reports on TRP. "Read my story about how I got this really annoying narcissistic woman who I actually hold in total contempt to blow me on her grandmother's gravestone!" High five, bro!

So I realized I was only sleeping with women I held in total contempt. Friends would want to set me up and I'd say "she wasn't my type," because she was kind and sweet and well-adjusted. I had reached the "Depression" stage of RP.

So I saw a shrink. Who helped me explore my past experiences, which I won't bore you with, except that I was pretty much acting like my father. My father is a piece of shit, and here I was, letting my Ex-wife have primary custody, and getting annoyed at having my son over every other weekend because it interfered with fucking women I subconsciously hated. I mean... What the fuck, man? No wonder I was a fucking mess - I had literally become just a terrible fucking individual.

Examine yourself, examine why you do this. Is there anything wrong with a cold approach? No. Is there anything wrong with being addicted to it because you're incapable of generating feelings of self worth without some pretty girl smiling at you? I'll let you answer that.

abdada · 2015-04-17T03:30:36+00:00

Knives need to be sharpened even if they go unused.

And you can never ovensharpen a knife even if you don't expect to use it

Some day, it might come in handy.

Also, realizing you have options will amplify your amused mastery when dealing with your wife's shit tests.

The more numbers I've gotten in life, the better of a leader I am to those I care about.

MRP9 · 2015-04-17T12:54:00+00:00

Take what you've learned and do some flirting in front of your wife. Dread.

sealteamaus · 2015-04-17T03:52:58+00:00

"Aren't you married?"

"Yeah I can't behave myself"

Immediately you have generated interest

TheGreasyPole · 2015-04-17T08:29:23+00:00

But is there anything inherently wrong with cold approach aside from getting some poor girl's hopes up?

Nope. You didn't get her hopes up.

You gave her a few tingles. Girls like that. She might well spend the rest of the day thinking about that hot guy that approached her. She'll feel good about that on it's own, without anything else.

So... She ends up feeling good, had a little boost to her ego, had a few tingles, maybe has some fapping material for later... You had fun, sharpened your knife, did nothing to threaten your objectives or your marriage.

Everyones a winner.

Just don't get sucked into taking actions that are against your objective just because you can. You'll only injure your mission. A bit of fun is fine, doing stuff that damages you or your life is to be avoided.

If you can hold the line, fine.

If you can't... Well, your call how you handle that I guess.

But I think there is nothing wrong with a bit of fun that stays a bit of fun.

mirrorsaregreen · 2015-04-17T03:42:11+00:00

I'm right there with you man. I'm an addict of approach and didn't even realize that's what it might be. I've never had any anxiety about approaching even when I was younger and now that my marriage is on "pause" it's come back with a vengeance. For me it's definitely the validation when I was questioning my own value. Keep it up brother.

Master2u · 2015-04-17T05:45:47+00:00

It's like alcoholics having an AA meeting at a bar and then someone yells "Drinks are on me". Your wife is just going through the motions of what ever woman will eventually try, even the hot ones that you are practicing with.

theultmatecad · 2015-04-17T13:40:13+00:00

There is nothing wrong with talking to some women. Any advice you see that is different is steeped heavily in the blue ideology.

You do see women keep orbiters right? All women do. Think they feel bad? Yea they need the validation. Maybe right now you do too. But this will fade. It's helping your marriage. Its making you happy. And all you are doing is talking right? Over at r relationships they will advise you to stop as its "unfair" to the woman in your life

Guess what? Women want a man that other women want. Be that man

Also...this exploration you are doing is likely teaching you the core principles of AWALT and hypergamy. If you ever doubted that women are disloyal, opportunistic little sluts for the right man....you will soon see it.

Dont hate them for it. That would make as much sense as hating bears for liking honey

Countpudyoola · 2015-04-17T14:02:12+00:00

What you don't practice you will lose through disuse. Plus it helps your skills with the wife.

But I don't see a point in getting a number, even if to just to try, I think I can read well enough to know when I'd get it. To me that crosses the play to function threshold. Again just my own personal boundary, everyone draws their own. The main skill for me to maintain is the approach and getting interest indicators.

AZTRP · 2015-04-17T16:53:47+00:00

It sounds like you're upping your approaches to deal with the sex denial and shit tests of your wife instead of handling them.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good approach, smile and twinkle in the eye of whatever girl I was flirting with. If I want a little more rush I'll get their number. There's two reasons to do that if you're in a monogamous relationship, 1) to sharpen the saw, and 2) to validate yourself.

Taking into account the fitness tests you're getting from your wife, it sounds like you could improve your game at home. Some tests seem like a stone wall until you tap on it and find out it's foam.

Example time!

Wife and I are on the patio hanging out. I give her a good playful ten second kiss, she gets a little dreamy eyed. I say something stupid like "how about we go inside?" with a wink. Her go to response comes out "but it's so early in the day and I don't want to sleep, you know I like to fall asleep after sex" I give a disapproving look and scold her "so don't be so weak, if you don't want to sleep then don't sleep, that's no excuse for not having sex" then I start throwing a stick around with the dog.

She gets up "I'm hungry" and starts to head into the house/kitchen. I look at her, stare, she stares back "what?" I just keep staring, then I start messing with the dog again, she goes inside.

I wait about ten seconds then head in. She has some food out on the counter and asks "Do you want some?"

my reply "Some what?" with a grin.

her: "I guess I'm not going to have any food right now am I?" as she braces herself on the counter, she knows what was coming next.

It's a pattern I've established with her. I let her protest a little, and then have my way anyways. If she protests, I bend her over and bang her out like I'm using her for my own needs without a care in the world if she orgasms or not. She's aware of this pattern, if she wants something slower and in more positions then she won't protest and we'll end up in bed.

TL;DR You've had enough approach practice, work the game with your wife.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-04-20T03:00:52+00:00

This is why I put it way up at Dread Level 8- just before the soft ultimatum where you put it on the line and tell her your needs. Once you start doing it the danger is not that your wife will leave you. The danger is you will leave.

If it is "innocent" and you are not screwing them what is the problem?

marxistbacon · 2015-04-17T13:36:03+00:00

There's a fine line between doing approaches to boost your confidence, build abundance, and drop your fear of rejection and having approaching becoming an addiction. If you're "compelled" then you're not doing it from a solid self-aware place - you're at the mercy of some internal demon which craves validation or something like that - /u/jacktenofhearts pretty much nailed it in another reply here.

Title	Approach addiction
Author	RedBaller
Upvotes	5
Comments	18
Date	April 17, 2015 3:21 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/32vufj/approach_addiction/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/approach-addiction.202123 https://theredarchive.com/post/202123

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