"Are you mad?"

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-04-15T11:45:07+00:00

justifying my 'being mad' by saying "I'm not mad, just disappointed"

If you're doing this for you, then you shouldn't be disappointed about anything.

Wife: Are you mad?

Me: Nope, why do you ask?

Wife: You seem distant today.

Me: Not distant, just focused on a few projects I have going on, now get that sweet booty over here.

If you flip the script and start talking about her, the focus is off of you. If I have a shitty day and my wife asks how my day was, I say it was fine and then talk about her. This deflects the attention from me and prevents me from complaining and looking weak to her.

Don't sulk around and she'll stop asking why you're mad. Smile more and enjoy the ride. The dread is for her to feel, not you.

Sepean · 2015-04-15T11:11:07+00:00

Don't say you're disappointed, that's not outcome independent.

It seems my wife has trouble distinguishing between me being indifferent and me being mad, and I think it is important that she doesn't go around thinking I'm mad (since in that case I am not seen as holding frame).

So if she asks reasonably, I just answer reasonably: "I'm not mad. I'm doing what I like doing." Maybe I explain to her why she wasn't interesting company, once, in a short sentence; again, she can sometimes have a hard time figuring out what she did wrong. If she goes further with it like trying to argue why I should accept her behavior or that I don't really love her or whatever, I just shrug and go do what I was doing.

If she knows what she did, and I'm clearly enjoying myself, that's another matter. I'll ignore or agree and amplify.

UEMcGill · 2015-04-15T15:58:54+00:00

Shit testing aside, bad behavior should never be tolerated. So in the case of "are you mad?" it should be met with a focus on that. Clearly state what the desired response is, and what the repercussion will be. Also you need to be aware that responding to her in an emotional response outside of sex is moving to her frame.

So in the case above, let's say she gave you the hard no for sex, 2 days in a row. Now she comes to you, gets all snuggly and is like "Are you mad?". The response should be "No, but I need sex. If you can't provide that to me, let me know. I have some decisions to make"

State your need, state the repercussions (subtle in this case) and let her hamster run.

EightyTimes · 2015-04-15T17:15:12+00:00

Reply with "Are you mad?!!?!?!" but in an outraged British accent.

dandar4600 · 2015-04-15T11:10:06+00:00

Good question. I'd also like to have an answer to this one.

What I've been doing recently is try not to get bent out of shape by little things that displease me and control my frame. Also it's spring so there are plenty things to do on the outside to get shit done and not come out looking butt hurt when she pisses me off.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-04-15T20:50:17+00:00

I think you can express yourself in a short few words without being a whiny bitch and then continue on what you are doing. Something like:

I am more disappointed with your behavior than angry.

If she persists just say: It makes me unhappy when you are disrespectful/denysex/don'tswallow/whatever so try again and be respectful this time/lets go fuck/don'tspitthistime/whatever."

Said in a quiet, calm, soothing, confident voice. That is ALL you say. Don't argue. Don't get drawn into her frame. Simply inform her of the problem if she demands- perhaps with a very short opportunity for her to correct the behavior or at least move in the direction of correcting it- and then carry on ignoring her and enjoying your full life without your mommy/wife nagging at your heels. She played the mean card already and you need to play the mean card right back at her. At some point she will decide it is more beneficial for her to play the nice card and then it is game on.

See? We are all about communication on Married Red Pill.

AZTRP · 2015-04-15T14:36:21+00:00

As of this writing there are three top level comments. I feel like this hasn't been answered directly yet. I'd also like some tools to use.

Correct if I'm wrong OP, but it sounds like you're asking if there's anything else to do for when you are mad/disappointed/similar to something she's done and you're in silent/doing-your-own-thing mode and she asks "are you mad"

Example: I don't like how much my wife drinks, she doesn't see it as a bad thing. It boils my blood. We've had fights about it. I'm still working the MAP. In the last few months I've been calm or indifferent (outwardly) about it. I will on occasion shoot her a disapproving look when she's drinking. Honestly, I don't think she knows who she is without a beer in her hand if she isn't working.

Title	"Are you mad?"
Author	despoticVeracity
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	April 15, 2015 8:47 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/32nymh/are_you_mad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/are-you-mad.202142 https://theredarchive.com/post/202142

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