Cold and Distant

exbp · 2015-04-29T15:35:52+00:00

No covert contracts, if you expect her to air her concerns instead of go silent, tell her. If you expect her to be happy and upbeat, tell her. Remove yourself when she's not meeting your stated expectations. Up the dread levels if she persists. Plan your exit if she fails all of that. Notice how those are all concrete actions that you can do, not brood about.

[deleted] · 2015-04-29T15:57:31+00:00

[permanently deleted]

angels_fan · 2015-04-29T16:04:00+00:00

So let her be cold and distant.

How does her being cold and distant affect you in any way at all?? Go about your day happy and upbeat as if nothing is wrong (which it sounds like you did). Don't be cold and distant back to her. Address her just as upbeat and positively as you normally would.

Hold frame.

Countpudyoola · 2015-04-29T17:33:19+00:00

So here's some scenarios with common reasons why she is quiet and with what you can see are totally different approaches on how to handle.

The scenarios to you "get home, wife is giving you the cold shoulder" because:

she had a bad day and it's put her in a mood, instead of telling you about it and allowing you to help elevate her mood...today she feels like transferring it into some bitching at you to make herself feel better.

You find something else to do, somewhere else to be, let her work it out. Give no shits.

you've done something to upset her, but she wants you to draw it out of her , worry while she builds up the emotional atmosphere and turmoil

You find something else to do, somewhere else to be, let her work it out. Give no shits.

You've been a bit blue pill lately. She senses something's up. Feels instinctively a little put off by your presence. Not knowing why you're bugging her she puts it to the test by silent treatmenting you. Some how in her world this will bring some "intangeable" to the surface to pick at.

You find something else to do, somewhere else to be, let her work it out. Give no shits.

I hope by now you see the pattern developing.

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-04-29T15:11:37+00:00

I didn't engage that.

You may not of then, but you're letting it fester now. By posting here you're showing that it affected you and there is no reason as to why you should let her mood influence your emotions.

Keep having fun and enjoying the moments. She wants to pout? Fine; have fun without her.

mkopec · 2015-04-29T17:03:05+00:00

I would just confront this in a calm and rational manner. Tell her you do not appreciate her playing games. If there is a problem she should talk to you about it instead of pouting about it for days. Its how adults interact.

[deleted] · 2015-04-29T18:23:25+00:00

Man, sometimes I just think the wife isn't worth the effort anymore. As I am immersed in my reality and really starting to look at things as they are, I am starting to think she is just a shitty person. Heck, even my five year old daughter thinks I am happier than my wife is.

If you are ever angry about how you were before RP and then follow up with I might as well get divorced... it's easier then you shouldn't get divorced. You are still in the anger stage of unplugging and divorce motivated by anger makes your decision a product of her energy and not yours and makes you get angrier as the divorce proceeds.

So the wife hit me with cold and distant yesterday when I got home from work. Not sure where that came from.

I maintain this line of thinking at all times:

She is having a feeling and there is nothing you can do about that. I or something else caused the feeling and there is nothing I can do about that. Her feelings are her feelings and if she wishes to share them, she may. If she wishes to not, she may not.

Long and the short of it is: if she's being cold and distant, go about your day. Do your own thing. Don't be cold, don't be distant, just be. You can hold out against her feelings longer than she can... they're not your feelings, they're hers.

she may get mad because you aren't interested in her feelings. You have nothing to apologize for... you haven't done anything. Your feelings are your responsibility and hers are hers.

If she becomes shitty, then you become cold and distant: separate yourself from her completely until she stops being shitty. She has to come to you; remember, you were neutral in all this. She initiated her own actions based on her feelings. You simply existed in spite of them. She wants nothing more than to crab bucket you with her feelings -to make you feel guilty for not having the same feelings.

Women on feelings are like children. This morning, my (5 yo) daughter didn't want to go to school. I said "c'mon... let's go." She just stood there, "I don't want to." I grabbed her things and walked to my car, "bye." She immediately came running to me and the car. Had she not gotten in the car, I would have closed the garage and left her in the house alone. ^{^I} ^{^would} ^{^have} ^{^opened} ^{^the} ^{^door} ^{^after} ^{^a} ^{^few} ^{^seconds.}

My point is: Women, like children, fear abandonment from the person they want most.

cegh · 2015-04-30T10:39:48+00:00

Simple. When you get in, you ask her what's up. If she says nothing, then you go on your merry way and be cheerful. BUT expect a whole bunch of shit tests "Why don't you ever listen to me" etc

Don't enter her frame and agree and amplify her shit tests.

OR, the best way to cheer them up is to just be playful with them, poke them and tickle until they get into your frame. Then they will spur out whatever crap is on their mind. Remember a woman has to talk, it's torture for themselves when they don't.

This is why I love the silent treatment cause they are doing what they think is punishment but from a womans point of view. Peace and Quiet is bliss and the fact they can't talk puts the nail in the coffin. If women figured out that actually talking non stop is better punishment, then you're gonna have a bad time.

angels_fan · 2015-04-29T15:18:04+00:00

This seems like it was more of a comfort test than a shit test, no?

Heck, even my five year old daughter thinks I am happier than my wife is.

AWALT. They THRIVE on misery. The only thing that makes them happy is being unhappy.

Title	Cold and Distant
Author	lonepine1
Upvotes	6
Comments	26
Date	April 29, 2015 3:02 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/34a6lh/cold_and_distant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/cold-and-distant.202031 https://theredarchive.com/post/202031

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