First, I'm NASTY.

Not a sex therapist... yet.

Make sure you have safe words established. This shit is supposed to be safe, sane, and consensual. I use the green/yellow/red stoplight method.

Ya'll love dynamite. Consider this an expansion of the cheat codes but it doesn't register on the difficulty meter. So if tards are gonna tard go right ahead.

Even though we're into the 24/7 Big D little s framework, I get nothing out of spanking my wife. She doesn't particularly like it either, at least in the previous context I've done it until now.

If you read my shit you know I'm all about redirecting some anxiety in women towards things that are beneficial to men. Every woman has anxiety, and when you're a HVM of whatever container word you want to use - the anxiety never really ever goes away. Passive dread is there and there's no way to kill it. Oh well, use it however you want.

Anyways, so I'm watching this woman being consumed by what I perceive to be just ridiculous shit that has no bearing on the long or short term vision - the dry cleaning not dropped off on time, kids had to eat apples instead of oranges for lunch and they ate apples yesterday, her compact dropped and broke, just... stupid shit. But not to a woman with a HVM. She thinks she's disappointing me. "I'm so sorry!" So I'm over here naturally doing more important shit than sitting around listening to how it's going to take 2 days to get a new mirror in and blah dafucking blah. Passive dread kicks in. Double dread because no attention and she's not pleasing me in her mind.

So I try to apply some comfort later that night just to listen, maybe fogging if I give a shit, and I hear "I'm about to break."

"Then we need to take care of this right now. Bend over my knee. Pull down your pants. Panties too." No idea why I thought of this, but figured I might as well jump and try something new.

She complies, I'm sitting down on the couch and move forward to the edge, and she's on all fours bent over my knee. I'm just caressing, then smacking, caress some more. Letting her get those feelz out through my soft slaps. "I don't like you like this. You need to let it go."

Now for those of you who haven't spanked a woman before, there really is an art to it. First, always spank from the bottom of the ass cheek - near the gooch - in the meaty part - and slap UP so it jiggles a bit. Never go too high on the ass. There's not enough cushion there and removes the good tingles of her ass reverberating gently (or not at all if she does alot of squats). Think of how you'd snap a towel at a bro in the lockeroom after you caught him looking at your gigantic balls. WHIP - but slowly. Use your palm at first, then move to the fingers. Create a circular motion from the gooch at about a 45 degree angle, bounce the butt cheek towards the center of her asshole, then make a circle at the top and bring it back down below the meaty buttcheek again.

The next key to a successful spanking is to establish a good rhythm. One-two-three-four. Repeat. Like you're tapping your foot to Jump by Van Halen. That's a good tempo.

So after I finish the spank she gets up and I realize she's mad. It didn't work, I've redirected the feelz to angry feelz, probably because of the humiliation. Then I see a little tear. And I tell her "That didn't work, bend over again."

Cue Van Halen.

Except this time she starts to whimper, not because it hurts, but because it's working. I keep going.I should have taken off my ring, it's giving a sting. And then I get a "STOP!!!"... and I don't. STOP isn't our safeword. It's red. Keep singing in my head "Might as well.... JUMP"

Then something odd happens. This little 130lb woman decides she's going to try to fight me and get off my knee and wrestle or some shit, but I'm clearly in a position of dominance. I just hold her down over my knee with what felt like 80% of my strength, she's at 100%, something I've NEVER done before with her.... and then begin to apply comfort..... "It's OK, sweetheart. It's OK. I've got you. We're going to take care of this right now. It's OK." Her body goes limp into submission.

And I know, baby, just how you feel

You got to roll with the punches and get to what's real

I end the spank a verse later, maybe 20 seconds, cuddle up with her, she's crying a lot, not from the pain at all. She's crying from the release. It's all over. Pull her into my chest and bear hug her.

Rest of the night she's forgotten all about the missed dry cleaning, is cuddling up to me as I watch an episode of WWII in Color, and then we go to bed. We get in bed and I hear something overtly I haven't heard in a very, very long time.

"That was so fucking hot, Horns."

It was the egoless truth.