The Beginning

M/27. My journey of personal transformation began a while before I found MRP. I was an upper 300s-pound slob and beta as hell. I met the woman who is now wife through mutual friends (She came to our weekly D&D sessions of which I was the DM). She was and is a high-value woman, and at the time we met I had no idea why she fell in love with me. For a year, I had done a low-carb diet on and off and had gotten my weight down to 300 lbs. During this time we were going at it like honeymooning bunnies. About six months before I proposed to her (two year relationship), she started going through hormone treatment for PCOS which included being on the NuvaRing. I went through a dry spell and victim puked/negotiated sex as hard as possible. She was still in high spirits and agreed to try daily. She would get in the mood but be dry as a desert. We tried to solve that problem with lube but it was like she would soak it up and be in pain the whole time. After a few weeks of this she took sex off of the table until she was "normal". At the time, I was a man that looked for external validation anywhere and everywhere. At home, it was get sex or I felt like a terrible/unattractive man, and at work if I didn't get external validation I didn't try (Oddly my work was giving me a lot of external validation so I was still getting promotions and kicking ass).

Finding MRP and Swallowing the Pill

I want to start by saying my wife has always been the most amazing, supportive woman I know. Throughout our relationship, she's noticed the positive changes I've made and enthusiastically encouraged me. She rarely shit tests me and even though it is obvious when she is mood swinging, she will internalize it and not try to push it on me. Unlike myself she has always had a very strong father figure (see career army father) which has left her with unbounded confidence.

After a lengthy six month dry spell, I was at wits' end with sexual frustration. My confidence had mostly stayed the same as I was now 290-ish and walking every day (quality time with my dog). Like most of you I found MRP through other subreddits such as deadbedrooms. I sorted by top, read the post "Year One" and I could not put this down. I read, absorbed and very much related to NMMNG. It was the story of my life; father passed away early and older brother was in college/medical school. I read NNMNG a total of three times in a two-week period. From there I read MMSLP, WISNIFG, Rollos, Book of Pook, and all of the family alpha blog.

I absorbed all of it and made three important changes (in my attempt to not go Rambo):

  • I owned my shit (took over laundry, cleaning up after dog, taking out all trash and cleaning)
  • I got a gym membership
  • I stopped looking for external validation

Of the three, that last one is harder than I thought; I still catch myself slipping up at least once a day.

Three Months of Progress

Mentally: I have continued to re-read past books and have moved on to furthering my career by studying for certifications. I read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and started SGM in an attempt to fix my current issue. I have started journaling my daily activities, and if I did nothing productive that day I left an entry stating such.

Physically: I am now 273 lbs. (the lightest I have been since the 8th grade) and continuing my low carb diet.

  • Squat 205 lbs
  • Bench 115 lbs
  • Press 70
  • Deadlift 215 lbs

Spiritually: I have started meditating in my own way. Whenever I feel like I am getting angry or feel like I am setting up a covert contract, I meditate and release any feelings of anger I have.

A Turning Point

One of the posts on MRP went over planning a vacation start to finish. This past Memorial day I planned a vacation to a local waterpark/amusement park for the long weekend. Set up the hotel, found restaurants we would like, got tickets and reservations everywhere and for the most part it went off without a hitch. She loved it. I had not initiated in some time due to rejection but the first night we were there she initiated and we had the most passionate sex we had had in more than a year.

The State of the Relationship

I now lead as much as possible. I am decisive about where and what we eat but do listen to suggestions with me ultimately making the decision. I now cook at least one meal a week which she is loving. (No previous cooking experience, I want to be an amazing chef)

I kino pretty much all of the time, regardless of whether I am feeling in the mood and she loves the affection without strings being attached. The lack of covert contracts have really allowed our relationship to bloom. The sex is roughly at a 33% soft no with about a 10% hard no but I am still unattractive and lack the physical endurance to have prolonged sex which is my biggest problem currently.

Oneitus and Luck

I put my wife on a pedestal and was deep in oneitus for the whole of our relationship. She had not changed and has treated me very well but knowing what I know that would have most likely changed in time. I believe I am very lucky to have stumbled on this information at such a young age before my marriage had gone to shit and will continue to strive to be the best ME I can be.

Father Figure

I have gained since getting married a very strong father figure in my step father. We take time to smoke cigars on the weekend and he imparts his wisdom from 24 years in the army on me. I dissect it and absorb it as gospel.

Summary

Mine is not a wholly negative story. There was a lot I could have done better and more efficiently since I started my journey, but overall the personal improvements I've made have changed my life forever. I would say a combination of getting my shit together and her medicine balancing out has revived our sex lives, but I really need to work on getting better and lasting longer.