Paradigm Shift

antariusz · 2015-11-20T15:08:52+00:00

You could have avoided a lot of the shit tests if you weren't always seeking validation from your wife.

Why would you tell her about slipping on your diet. That's the kind of thing that a woman would talk about. Like a guilty criminal seeking absolution for your "crime" from a priest (or a guilty child talking to his mother). She started treating you with disrespect because you are still going to her for approval of your actions.

Feels like the rest of the post is you seeking approval from this sub for the rest of your actions. I'm not going to give it, I think "you done screwed up" all over the place and aren't anywhere close to having your own frame, even if you're parroting the words.

Doesn't matter what she is saying or what you say, she's treating you like a beta provider (once a week sex, disrespect) blowing up over unrelated issues.

Have you even read MMSLP?

You're coming across as 90% beta, 10% alpha. You need to really up your "alpha game" by a lot.

MRPguy · 2015-11-20T15:06:58+00:00

Once all was done and we got kids in bed, I confronted her on the general overreaction, with a focus on her disrespect by hanging up on me.

All could have been prevented by not taking this step. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't confront, don't engage.

By the way, not being a good captain has nothing to do with you misplacing keys or eating carbs for the first time in 2 years. Those are both non-events that normal people wouldn't give a fuck about. You are human. There is something else going on here.

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-20T17:28:18+00:00

Ok, you're in MRP, not askMRP, so here goes.

You're still in her fucking frame bro. You have OI in your hand, and you're looking at it, admiring it and seeing how useful it could be, but you haven't swallowed it because in the other hand you hold an intense focus on - and respect for - the opinions of your raging, bitchy, disrespectful wife.

That my bitch of a first officer was keeping me on track

You're still letting her be your judge. There is no reason SHE should be keeping YOU on track. Essentially, you're submitting to a bitch. What does that make you?

this sent her into a rage. I found them eventually, and when I called to inform her

Look at what you're doing. You're telling her its ok to rage when you lose your keys. Rewarding her tantrum by assuaging it. Plus, we're talking a little diet slip and an honest mistake with the keys. You didn't blow $100s on strippers and drugs. You have nothing to apologize for, especially when she reacts that way.

Not once did I see any IDGAF attitude. You do give a fuck, and you feel entitled to call your woman out when she disrespects you because it assaults some misguided notion that you deserve respect. Objectively, do you really? I'm not saying this to beat you down, but to hopefully goad you into having some self-respect rather than demanding it from others.

Her final words as I left the house were "you're slipping. Eating junk food. Not running and now loosing your keys. We depend on you. You need to own your shit."

Oh holy hell woman, don't you dare talk to me that way. That's a good way to get me to check out and work on myself like I was single.

As I walked out, I slipped and said in a Cocky voice. "That's a pretty long list... wanna hear mine."

That wasn't the worst thing you could have said. A little snarky, but I'm glad you're fighting back a little rather than letting her walk all over you. But the whole thing could have been prevented with a more centrally located locus of respect on your part. Also, do you see how confusing you're being? In one moment, you're signalling that she can be your judge, then in the next you're rebelling like a teenager against her judgments.

Despite getting in the last word, i knew she was right

Here it is again. You're letting her decide where you're right and wrong. You shouldn't even say things like that unless she's merely confirming the conclusion you already came to about yourself.

she needed to feel that I'm legit and that she didn't give herself up to a piece of shit faker wanna be

I'm not going to say you're a faker. But you are being a try-hard and an over-thinker. I think she's trying too, but you're giving her too many cards to play with.

she voiced some truth and helped me recalibrate

There is of course a time and place for feedback from your FO. But its 1) not do be done in a bitchy way, and 2) not your primary source of information.

You talk of rubbing her nose in the pee stain. You do this with dogs, not women. What women have that dogs don't is a hamster. She's clearly overstepping your boundaries, your response is to be distant and cordial. Not fucking confronting her on it. Her hamster will see that you're being distant and will wonder why. She'll get there on her own without you having to point to it like "lookee here, bitch. You done messed up and here's all the reasons that's wrong." Some may say that by STFUing you're actually trying to communicate covertly. But let me tell you, there's nothing covert about speaking with your actions and withdrawing attention. If she calls you on it in a bitchy tone, play dumb and avoid. If she comes to you meekly asking why you've been distant lately, maybe tell her why. But even then, your words don't mean much. She knows why.

2015-11-20T15:01:09+00:00

Don't fall victim to paralysis by analysis. You obviously put in a lot of thought into things. Use that energy and regain your previous momentum.

marxistbacon · 2015-11-20T15:59:49+00:00

There's something here that strikes me as off.

She said some sharp shit. That woman knows how to run daggers and fine paper cuts on my heart. But I was truly unaffected.

The very fact that you describe them as daggers and cuts suggests that you're not as unaffected as you think you are. You're spending a lot of time describing how you're proud of how you're suppressing your surface anger. That pride is you stroking your ego. And those daggers and cuts are showing how fragile your ego still is.

"That's a pretty long list... wanna hear mine.". Insinuating [...]

Ahh, the old threat. If she engages, you'll fire up a holy war the likes of which she's never seen before! Only a hop, skip, and a jump from there to "Shut you damn mouth, bitch!" Seems weak.

RPcoyote · 2015-11-20T15:53:52+00:00

Strengthen your frame bro. That's your number one priority. When she tells you something that's good, gives you good advice, or notices something you haven't, you should be able to assertively and thoughtfully thank her for her role as FO. The fact that you "deep inside know she's right" but are somehow quiet about it, concerns me that you're getting validation from her and are not a strong captain (yet).

blarggggggggggg · 2015-11-20T17:21:12+00:00

After a crazy fuck the night before, she's extra careful and wants to make sure she didn't slut herself up with a beta pretender.

Nice insight here - I have noticed shit tests can increase the day after a big fuck session. Saying petty little shit to try and get under my skin, accusations of me being uncaring and unromantic, or just her projecting her own moodiness onto me.

fakefalse · 2015-11-20T20:15:36+00:00

Why does she know RP terminology? What part of don't freaking talk about Redpill don't you understand?

Title	Paradigm Shift
Author	fakefalse
Upvotes	9
Comments	24
Date	November 20, 2015 2:51 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3tklon/paradigm_shift/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/paradigm-shift.200688 https://theredarchive.com/post/200688

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