[Question/help wanted] "Withdrawing Affection" - and doing it right

stonepimpletilists · 2015-08-03T18:20:27+00:00

Heres my mindset, hope it helps:

I am a high value man. I am in great shape, earn good money, have a full social life and a vision for the future. I like access to good sex, and people in my life who bring value... no negative and unlucky people.

I've posted this three times today, but it's whinemoreplease best line I've read yet.

It's so easy when you're confident in what you want. Anything that doesn't quite fit is amusing, funny, or intriguing.

so when I get denied sex, I do three things:

quick self assessment. am I still DHV? If I spent all week on the xbox, drinking beer, and crying about my problems, then I know what I have to do if I want to get laid
DHV in order? Empathize. Is she super crampy, on painkillers, or some other reasonable sexual showstopper? If she's sitting in a full body cast, no ones fault, just let it go, rub one out, and get some sleep, it happens.
she's healthy, I'm in shape? I have better things to do than entertain someone willing to take everything I give, and offer nothing in return.

And for the specific things? It's just what I would want if she wasn't in the room, noteable examples:

sleep
quick jerk so I can sleep (Also, I would rather not go hide in a closet, so I will stay put)
Gym
Shower
laundry (shouldn't have put it off anyways)
talk with old friends
go take dogs for a walk

Basically think to yourself, if you weren't trying to sex up the wife, what would you be doing? Go do that.

I don't think of it as tit for tat, or revenge etc... your attention is valueable, and you don't want to waste it

angels_fan · 2015-08-03T16:38:47+00:00

A woman's currency is sex.

A man's currency is commitment and affection.

If your woman is giving you sex, you pay her in affection. If she is not, you withdraw your currency until she starts paying you in her currency.

The trick here is to have shit to do. Preferably shit to do outside of the house. When you initiate sex and she turns you down, say, "Okay, cool.", do something else and withhold affection.

If you try and again and she turns you down, you do it again.

If she says yes and it's starfish, 1/2 way through you zip up and say, "this sucks. I have better things to do." Leave and withhold affection.

If she gives you good sex, reward her with your time and affection.

At some point in our society it became perfectly okay for the woman to withhold her currency, but it is still fully expected for the man to pay in his currency. This is fucked up and needs to stop!

I actually like being affectionate

That's great, but it's not going to get your laid. What incentive does she have to change anything about herself? Sounds like she has everything she wants and has no catalyst to change.

I think to myself all the time that I could start "gradually withdrawing" and save the affection for after sex, but it doesn't quite work like that.

Yes, it does, actually. You withdraw until she gives you sex, then you give affection.

tl;dr: If she doesn't give you good sex, you have better things to do with your time than be with her. You are the prize and she has to actually work (eg. give you sex) to get your affection.

angels_fan · 2015-08-03T17:56:11+00:00

One other thing that probably needs to be addressed here.

Are you fuckable??

Attraction cannot be negotiated. If you are a fat slob that disgusts her, why are you expecting her to fuck you?

How would you rate your SMV vs hers.

Even more important, how would SHE rate your SMV?

enfier · 2015-08-03T18:15:08+00:00

The rule of thumb is don't reward nothing and especially don't reward bad behavior. Also, don't make the reward an if/then reward which is terrible for motivation.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-08-03T19:20:07+00:00

how and when do you just KNOW that you NEED to withdraw affection in some instance?

When you get a hard "no, I am not in the mood, or whatever constitutes a hard denial in your home. The common misperception is that you do this to "punish" her. Actually when you do it "right" you simply withdraw your affection, time and attention because you have better things going on in your life than to deal with a Shit Testing, Sex Denying screechtard.

thisisme0007 · 2015-08-03T16:43:49+00:00

This seems more for /r/asktrp

Especially because you seem to think LTR = marriage.

You have not already fucked up by entering into a debilitating legal contract and having kids with a woman. Remember that before you fuck up your life.

Here is a specific example for you:

It's late at night and you initiate. She declines because it is so late. Then she wants to talk / have her feet rubbed / have your attention for something else. Consider the impact of withdrawal of affection here vs cuddling or talking or rubbing.

bogeyd6 · 2015-08-03T17:22:02+00:00

You are overthinking the whole thing. This is much more simple than the amount your hamster has led you to believe. Withdrawing affection and attention is few step process. If you and your wmryn are having sex 3-4 times a week, I wouldn't say that your sex frequency is all that low.

Example:

The wife and you always cuddle and hold hands at the movie theatre. The night before she turned you down for sex or star fished it. You left the bedroom and went to work in the garage. You have basically ignored her throughout the day. Later that afternoon you will cancel the movie date and instead prefer to see how close you can get that drone to the apartments swimming pool. There will be push back and shit testing, etc... Use some A&A and some AM and then you are done with all that. When she gives you porn star quality sex in the coming days. DONT TAKE HER TO SEE THAT MOVIE. Instead plan a surprise date night.

Example:

The wife gave you starfish sex and you fucked your way through it. Cum, get up, and go take a shower. Go to bed without cuddling or kissing. Next morning eat your breakfast quickly and go to work early. Ignore all calls, texts, etc... etc... Next time sex is better return from the shower to cuddle and pillow talk.

Example:

You and your wife hold hands everywhere you go. You are known as the couple who is always all over each other. Always hugging and kissing. (This is my wife, now). You have gone three days without sex so now you are not holding her hand everywhere. You keep the hugs and kisses to 1-2. You stop hanging all over her. You literally fucking stop. Simple. "Come on baby, hold my hand" "No thanks honey, might need them to put in my pockets". "Give me a smoochy poochy" "I dont want the hot waitress to see us ". Etc... etc... Once sex life is returned you return this affection, but never in portions that you did before. You have to always keep her guessing on if you are going to stay or not.

Example:

You have a complete dead bedroom. The last time you had sex was in 2008. You work the levels of dread. Its a process that bpp has laid out. Stoic will rule the day to day life in your house. No discussing bills, chores, days at work, nothing. Not the silent treatment but be short and curt. You are already paying all the bills and whatnots anyways so no need to discuss it. As the sex returns so does the day to day interactions.

Hope this helps you.

Moldy_Gecko · 2015-08-06T08:04:05+00:00

I'm with you man, except my wife is pretty on point with keeping her frame. I have tried pulling affection and she always seems unaffected.

Title	[Question/help wanted] "Withdrawing Affection" - and doing it right
Author	Red_Invictus
Upvotes	13
Comments	33
Date	August 3, 2015 4:21 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3fmul9/questionhelp_wanted_withdrawing_affection_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/questionhelp-wanted-withdrawing-affection-and.201298 https://theredarchive.com/post/201298

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