A really controversial meme I'd probably get shot down for making anywhere else

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If you are not intentionally misgendering this man, please edit your post.

-if Sex(biology)=Female but Gender(presentation)=Male, refer to this person as a Man (or when relevent a trans-man). As with all men you should use male pronouns (he/him/his) or at least gender-neutral pronouns (they/them/their)... unless they have told you otherwise.

-if Sex(biology)=Male but Gender(presentation)=Female, refer to this person as a Woman (or when relevent a trans-woman). As with all women you should use female pronouns (she/her/hers) or at least gender-neutral pronouns (they/them/their)... unless they have told you otherwise.

While the way you've waffled back and forth using both male and female pronouns for this man, is common for someone who has limited exposure to trans community. It is also common tactic for transphobic people to ignore the pronouns used by an individual, and either deliberately misgender them or to fein ignorance and repeatedly draw attention to how difficult it is for them to use the pronouns not associated with their biological sex.

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/r/AmITheAsshole in a nutshell. Man does something bad? It's because he's a piece of shit. Woman does something bad? It's because of all of these factors which I am inventing out of thin air and assuming are true, which would explain how a person could be in a position to take the action she took, therefore she isn't a bad person, just a person responding to life circumstances.

It's super embarrassing how consistent they are about this. If there's anything in the story they can use to excuse a woman's bad behavior, they will. If there isn't, they'll assume things out of thin air, and use those fictional factors to justify her behavior. And if all else fails, they'll fall back on "she must have mental issues", excusing her bad behavior as being the result of mental issues, rather than being a bad choice.

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I mean, if you were as blunt over there as you were here, I'm not surprised people didn't think too fondly of you. It's perfectly natural to feel let down when your partner isn't holding up their end of the partnership. And I think it's a pretty natural thing to have at least some difficulty with your partner becoming less and less attractive to you. But the bluntness wouldn't help, unless you worded it a lot better in your actual post.

But your point still stands. When a man on AITA has anything bad to say about his wife, people act like he's the devil incarnate for daring to speak ill about his wife, and people will say he clearly doesn't love her if he thinks these things. But when a woman on AITA spends an entire post shitting on her husband, people join in, agreeing that he sounds terrible, and that she doesn't deserve to have to deal with that, and so on.

It's a pretty appalling double standard.

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Oh no, I didn't mean to downplay it at all with this meme or anything. PPD can be difficult, but like most mental illnesses, it is manageable. People could become sloppy when they go through depression, yet I've seen reddit say things like "kick him to the curb" without any farther attempts besides talking. Yet if it happened to be a woman, they tend to be much more forgiving and even actively try to excuse foul behavior because "sHe'S yOuR wIfE." Like this one dude had his wife actively making loud noises by banging pans and stomping on the floor above his office when he was in the middle of teaching his class. Also, PPD can be present in men as well (although much less often, still a high enough risk) yet you don't see people questioning negligent or abusive behaviors there. It's fucking ridiculous how far some of this can stretch.

So yeah, just felt I should elaborate on where exactly this double standard is and what I was getting at here. Didn't mean to downplay how severe PPD really is. Sorry if I gave the wrong implication.

[–]LoadsOfSchmeckles 2 points3 points4 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Oh, no I totally get it. Again, as a woman myself, I see nothing but toxicity on BOTH sides. That being said, women are physically weaker, so we fight mentally. Men are physically stonger, and fight physically (not saying men are woman beaters or anything even close, but it helps put into perspective WHY women fight the way they fight, which is still wrong no matter what way you look at it).

And for what it's worth, idk if it came across this way, I'm not offended in any way about this meme. It's a meme ffs, who cares? But I did want to clear any confusion on what PPD stood for. I see exactly what you're talking about and the double standards for both sexes is disgusting.

I mean, my bf is in a custody battle right now, because baby mama is batshit insane.. but the courts don't care, because she's the baby mama, no matter how much effort my bf puts in to help the stability of his child. It's absolutely appalling, and that's only ONE example of ridiculous double standards.

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I know where I’m at. Being annoyed with someone, mentally ill or not is not hate. Especially when you’re in an intimate relationship about them and genuinely want the best for them so kindly cut that bullshit Reddit rhetoric please. This site is riddled with immediate accusations of hate because someone didn’t say something sympathetic.

The problem about being mentally ill is that it’s annoying to those who aren’t. That doesn’t mean they don’t deserve help and support, but when someone does something malevolent and then blames it on mental illness, the general appropriate response is “who the fuck cares?”.

So Pussy Pass Disorder (Post Partum Depression) is another way of saying that a chemical imbalance is responsible for a woman’s shitty behaviour....and therefor it is acceptable? No. It’s not. So then why mollycoddle the idea that a mentally ill woman can’t be an intolerable person? That’s not hate, that’s just reminding people that a vagina isn’t a free pass to be a cunt. Yes I know what I just said lol.

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The backstory are the things that are shown daily on reddit. Take the moral judgement subs as a prime example of this ( r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationships and it's sister subs.)

There was once a story posted where OP's wife got angry with him after she found out he donated some money from his own bank account to a friend he's known since childhood so that she could get into her dream career. This friend in particular is really close to him, and he says he's known her since childhood and considers her a sister. OP said his wife has always insisted the friend was into him despite her giving no reason to think that. She says it's a "gut feeling." As a result, this friend couldn't even be in their wedding party. To make things worse, the wife would also give people money without consulting her husband first, but if he does it there is somehow a problem. Anyway, she found out about the money from a mutual friend and yelled at OP over it. She then sent angry texts to the friend calling her a bunch of disgusting names, cutting contact and effect

Reddit would usually chime in with "NTA, wife is being insecure and seems controlling. Divorce. Now." yet for whatever reason, OP was voted an asshole. the general consensus was "Quit undermining your wife's feelings. The fact you didn't tell her implies you knew this would happen yet still did it." This man and his generosity got thrown out the window despite his wife obviously being manipulative, controlling and abusive. The only common denominator between this and the other stories were that the genders were reversed in those.

There was another one where people suggested OP divorce her husband because he can't stand up to his narcissistic mother who has been stomping all over him his entire life. Same with his siblings, and they only stood up for themselves recently. He hates how his mother treats his wife and has attempted to go NC but can't muster up the courage to stand up to her. Yet they acted like OP's husband was going out partying and acting all hunky-dory with his mother. They say he has to "grow a spine" and "quit being a mommy's boy." Sounds familiar, huh? It follows the same old "man up" mentality we work to destroy. It's pathetic how he's expected to somehow overcome the childhood conditioning that's built into him for his wife's sake. If he can't? Divorce him. It's pretty ridiculous how no one thought to offer him therapy, despite him being an overall great guy outside of this instance.

So yeah, now you get the picture I was trying to paint. If you need further explanation feel free to ask

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That beckons a serious question, though. It's the one that has been on all our minds. Why is it that for blatant misandry to change, it has to somehow be twisted and morphed into such a way it sounds like it came straight from a narcissists mouth, into something that somehow oppresses women? Why is it that the reason feminists supposedly fight to change that is not because it's discriminatory against men, but is because it follows the narrative that women are supposed to be emotional? Also, how does being expected to be emotional even qualify as a prejudice? All it does is allow you to safely cry wherever, whenever and however you want without being judged. I'm pretty sure a lot of men would love such a privilege. And I'm trying to rationalize social pressure for this would look like. "Megan, why do you never show emotions? Women are supposed to be emotional!"? Because that sounds like the type of thing that could be easily resolved with a simple response. It annoys me that people are trying to turn that into a prejudice now, despite a prejudice looking much different. If it was, people would keep pressuring you until you crack and cry. Not to victim shame, though. I just can't wrap my head around feminist logic.

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The backstory are the things that are shown daily on reddit. Take the moral judgement subs as a prime example of this ( r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationships and it's sister subs.)

There was once a story posted where OP's wife got angry with him after she found out he donated some money from his own bank account to a friend he's known since childhood so that she could get into her dream career. This friend in particular is really close to him, and he says he's known her since childhood and considers her a sister. OP said his wife has always insisted the friend was into him despite her giving no reason to think that. She says it's a "gut feeling." As a result, this friend couldn't even be in their wedding party. To make things worse, the wife would also give people money without consulting her husband first, but if he does it there is somehow a problem. Anyway, she found out about the money from a mutual friend and yelled at OP over it. She then sent angry texts to the friend calling her a bunch of disgusting names, cutting contact and effect

Reddit would usually chime in with "NTA, wife is being insecure and seems controlling. Divorce. Now." yet for whatever reason, OP was voted an asshole. the general consensus was "Quit undermining your wife's feelings. The fact you didn't tell her implies you knew this would happen yet still did it." This man and his generosity got thrown out the window despite his wife obviously being manipulative, controlling and abusive. The only common denominator between this and the other stories were that the genders were reversed in those.

There was another one where people suggested OP divorce her husband because he can't stand up to his narcissistic mother who has been stomping all over him his entire life. Same with his siblings, and they only stood up for themselves recently. He hates how his mother treats his wife and has attempted to go NC but can't muster up the courage to stand up to her. Yet they acted like OP's husband was going out partying and acting all hunky-dory with his mother. They say he has to "grow a spine" and "quit being a mommy's boy." Sounds familiar, huh? It follows the same old "man up" mentality we work to destroy. It's pathetic how he's expected to somehow overcome the childhood conditioning that's built into him for his wife's sake. If he can't? Divorce him. It's pretty ridiculous how no one thought to offer him therapy, despite him being an overall great guy outside of this instance.

So yeah, now you get the picture I was trying to paint. If you need further explanation feel free to ask

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I mean sure, feign ignorance as you please. But just know that a social norm that won't accept you just because you get stressed from work, feel sad or to be straight show any emotions at all besides joy, therefore teaching you to suppress your tears and to hold everything in until you one day explode, which is when they call you violent and toxically masculine, that you should show more emotions completely ignoring what they say when you do. Then you have more and more emotions building up within you like a volcano yet you can not release them at all, so they continue to build as you learn the skill to repress all this shame, guilt and anger you get on a daily basis for not having a job that earns 20K while also being able to do all the housework so as to not oppress your wife. Or all the helplessness you feel when you were just taking an evening stroll but people start running like you're gonna kill them. Or how much of a fiery ball of rage you become every time you get called a pedophile or get told "good on you for giving mommy a break!" every time you're just spending time out with your kids. You start to feel sad and hopeless, and the depression you've carried with you for so long starts to take over you when you begin to question whether or not you want to join the 78% of male suicides. Feign ignorance all you want, it's only a matter of time before you get banned from here anyway.

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[–]AnAngryOrange[S] 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

I didn't intend this post to hate on women nor did I intend to show any toxicity. What I was intending when developing this was to shine a spotlight on the blatant bias towards women demonstrated on some subs. In fact, I was going to get more in depth and call out the specific subreddits I had in mind, but that would take up far to much space and wouldn't roll off the tongue as easy. The subs I were thinking was r/AmItheAsshole, r/relationship_advice, and r/relationships, just to name a few. Look at some of those posts and try to tell me there is not a clear bias towards females. I didn't phrase it as a personal attack towards women, nor a generalization of female behavior. But a bias is a bias, and there is nothing wrong with pointing out said bias. If people come over and snip this post to shit on the sub then so be it. The assholes will not be tolerated and I'm sure there are many great people out there who would shut down that bs if they saw it. This doesn't say anything about the sub, it just shows it doing it's job; to spread awareness on men's issues.

[–]freedom2b2t 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Criket -1 points0 points1 point 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Title	A really controversial meme I'd probably get shot down for making anywhere else
Author	AnAngryOrange
Upvotes	2377
Comments	192
Date	March 4, 2021 3:02 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/lxmfyx/a_really_controversial_meme_id_probably_get_shot/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/a-really-controversial-meme-id-probably-get-shot.833168 https://theredarchive.com/post/833168

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