Apparently women deserve compensation for "emotional labor" (housework)

RapeMatters · 2017-09-28T20:29:53+00:00

She should suggest to her husband that she go out and become the breadwinner and he can become a stay at home husband. Since the former is so easy, she should be willing to take on that role.

bufedad · 2017-09-28T21:04:02+00:00

I've told my wife that if she ever earns enough money, I'll be the stay at home parent. I have absolutely no qualms about being a stay at home dad.

We home school. I'd love to get to educate my kids during the day and keep the house clean. I'd spend about 4 hours a day on the PS4 and an hour at the gym. Get in better shape. I'll be the trophy husband. Heck yeah.

Brusanan · 2017-09-28T22:38:23+00:00

"Walking that fine line to keep the peace and not upset your partner is something women are taught to accept as their duty from an early age."

And what are men taught? Oh right, that it doesn't matter what you do, your SO will always get upset for no reason. And it doesn't matter who is at fault. You take the blame anyway, because if you try to get her to admit when she is wrong she will just resort to emotional blackmail until you give in.

And that is exactly what is going on here. This guy bent over backwards to make her happy, and she is just a miserable cunt about it anyway.

Successful-Troll · 2017-09-28T23:46:36+00:00

Emotional labor = nagging

xwankyhm · 2017-09-28T23:43:54+00:00

This is the second time I have seen this article today. I suspect what has happened in these cases is a bit unfortunate on both sides.

Wife clearly expects things to be done her way in the home. This could be her personal desire, her upbringing, innate tendencies, whatever. At home, she has become the boss.

Except she doesn't want the burden that comes with being the boss. With her as the boss, he is naturally going to slide towards being the employee. Employees don't usually take initiative when they don't know what the boss wants. Instead, they wait for orders.

On the other hand, this guy probably has little to no say in his own home. He might be content with this arrangement, but he is doubtlessly frustrated by her complaints of him not doing things her way.

She wants an equal partner, but equal partners don't do things your way. They do things their way insofar as it does not step on your way. It's a pretty precarious position to maintain, but it is possible. Unfortunately, to get to equal partner status she would have to be aware of her boss status, willing to relinquish complete control, and willing to put up with boxes being in places she doesn't like. The man would have to be willing to take over some control. Both would need to communicate rather than have passive-aggressive anger/stubbornness spats over box locations.

Xorism · 2017-09-28T22:51:16+00:00

I don't for a second believe that raising a family and running a home by yourself (mostly) is exhausting and literally unpaid labour however in the case where his contribution literally clothes, feds and keeps a roof over her head I find it disgusting to say he contributes nothing.

If both parents work it's different and they have to find a way to make things work.

girlwriteswhat · 2017-09-29T00:37:48+00:00

Reminds me of Jessica Valenti's complaints that her husband refuses to do any of the Christmas prep. Oh, sure, he offers to help her with it, but she lets him off the hook because he'd just screw it up anyway. His present wrapping is sloppy. He doesn't remember the names of all the kids of everyone she wants to send cards to (cards he probably wouldn't bother sending if it was just him). He doesn't keep track of whose kids have nut allergies, and he'd probably buy walnut cake to bring as a gift when they go to that family's party.

He can't be trusted to do it to her high standards or not fuck it up. So that equates to him forcing her to do it all herself.

When I took on the task of redoing my old yard (which needed serious hard landscaping we couldn't afford to pay someone to do), I told my then husband (who was working longer hours than me at the time), "I'm doing 90% of the work here. Like pick and shovel work, and I'll only need your help for some of it. If I'm taking this all on, I'm making the decisions. I'll do whatever I can to save money and make it look nice. I appreciate any input you want to give me but final say is mine."

He agreed (he was happy to not have to be out there with me chipping through hardpan or digging up rocks). According to feminists, he was forcing me to take on the emotional labor of making all the decisions. He also wasn't doing his part, because he worked for most of the daylight hours when the landscaping could actually be done, so he wasn't there to do 50% of it.

ThoughtsYouNever · 2017-09-28T21:26:32+00:00

Oh. You mean instinctively know what to do after a hard day's work of mental labour for 8, 12, or even physical labour for 16 hours to support you, and he's supposed to "govern himself accordingly"??? Well you're right. Work donkey work, that's all society ever knows to say, and when it has a hard time getting up the hill, you beat them and call them inconsiderate. Right, because he can't work at his own pace like you can.

"And you say who's a bitch?...." Yeah. You're dealing with the stress really well women, by telling us all the stuff that didn't result in the skyscraper being built.

DO THINGS TOGETHER, THEN. You know, family projects. A couple hours a week. Make sure it's a shared, common goal or he'll resent you.

People are stupid. If we're talking emotional work then let's talk psychologist costs. Hell, if women think they have it so hard, maybe they shouldn't have kids to begin with, better consider the type of person they're with and deep self-reflection on who THEY themselves are before they have kids, and stop asking for the right to murder the tumors in their stomachs that they wish to excise. Cause we all know "baby's lives (don't) matter".

daqua99 · 2017-09-28T23:25:39+00:00

I had this agreement with my wife when we recently got married - I would work full-time, she works part-time, but housework is split based on the number of hours we work a week.

I'm a school teacher. I work for 10 weeks, then have holidays. During school term, my wife does most of the housework. I typically do a bit (taking in the washing, clothes ironing and vacuuming once a week), but she does the rest. During school holidays I do most of the housework whilst she is at work.

Housework is easy to do. I spend maybe 1-2 hours a day on my day off to keep the house clean. Admittedly, don't have a child, but still.

Also, saying that 'emotional labour' only occurs in the household is an insult to the fact that I had to console one of students who mum tried to kill her.

Apexbreed · 2017-09-29T04:14:30+00:00

If I got paid for the genuine emotional labor my wife puts me through, I would be a millionaire. Modern women don't add a net value to men's lives anymore which is why you see shit like MGTOW becoming so popular.

IamaspyAMNothing · 2017-09-29T06:12:58+00:00

Don't women spend most of the household money? What the Hell do they call that?

Lrellok · 2017-09-29T16:35:26+00:00

Two points

1) http://livingwage.mit.edu/metros/19100 THe value of the fod she eats, the clothing she wears, and the living space he would not need if she where not there cost him $14,000 a year. Calculated against a 21 hour work week, this comes to about $13 per hour. Having worked in housekeeping, Food services and Child care, those are jaw droppingly good wages.

2) " Then I tried to gingerly explain the concept of emotional labor: that I was the manager of the household, and that being manager was a lot of thankless work. Delegating work to other people, i.e. telling him to do something he should instinctively know to do, is exhausting." THis is a hard concept to grasp, but Emotional labor refers not to housework, but to the fact that she has to tell other people what she wants. Now, i want to examine this point in detail.

What would it mean for someone to fulfill this requirement? You can never know what someone else wants without them expressing it. So, he would simply have to do everything, then do it again and again and again until some invisible signal of her approval told him he could stop. That is not labor, that is abuse. Emotional labor is nothing more then a polite term for coercive control, mentally abusing your partner into bending to your every whim, you most ridiculous demand, out of fear of the screaming that will follow.

ANd she demands to be paid for it as well. However, she is right, we need tos top calling this "Nagging" and start calling it what is it...Domestic Violence.

TheMeisterAce · 2017-09-28T20:36:04+00:00

Haha that dude deserves her. Who would marry that?

ilike2talktomyself · 2017-09-30T17:28:55+00:00

She makes a small comment towards the beginning that is telling - she mentions that she controls the budget. The household is a matriachy - she makes all the important decisions and tells him what to do. With the power (or rights) comes responsibility - but she is complaining about the responsibility. But she still wants to hold on to the power. So he does the work and she still polices him. That's toxic and controlling. It's narcissistic. She is disrespecting boundaries and what he could uniquely contribute, that is distinct from her. But it's not just a personal issue. This is what feminism is teaching women through propaganda in the media. Feminism is politicizing in fact. And women are learning it.

BetterBadIdeas · 2017-10-03T18:29:39+00:00

But the labor that goes into maintaining the home and the yard and the vehicles doesn't count.

sewerrat93 · 2017-10-06T15:04:59+00:00

There is this glaring double standard that comes up in all of these discussions. The writer mentions that she doesn't want her children to grow up seeing her doing more "female-oriented" tasks than her husband because she believes that is what instills these behaviours and attitudes in the future. So she wants her husband to do more laundry but have you ever in your life heard a feminist suggest that she should learn how to fix a car or have her daughters watch her get on the roof and clean out the rain gutters? No? I guess the man has to continue doing those things too. Not only that but it is the MAN's fault for being lazy and disrespectful to her if he doesn't pick up his socks, but the reason that she doesn't fix the car or clean the gutters is patriarchy and not at all her fault and she should never be blamed for that or asked to change.

Title	Apparently women deserve compensation for "emotional labor" (housework)
Author	jennydaman
Upvotes	46
Comments	51
Date	September 28, 2017 8:27 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/732ur1/apparently_women_deserve_compensation_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/apparently-women-deserve-compensation-for.913687 https://theredarchive.com/post/913687

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