Have been fighting in family court for months now as my ex spouse is witholding all child contact, no photos, no updates, nothing. She is making me dead to them.

At the last hearing all my allegations were found untrue, and the lies she told were believed.

This is emotional abuse pure and simple, and how it cannot be seen I have no idea.

I can't take it much longer, I don't want to give up on my kids, but it's killing me emotionally, and I'd rather write them off in my head and pretend they don't exist than fight and fight spending thousands of ££££ on legal costs and hundreds of hours stressing over things just to be disbelieved and feel like this. May as well throw £30,000 down the drain, it would be less painful.

I'm thinking I may make a tombstone website and a series of videos stating I tried, and I'm sorry, aimed at my kids for when they grow up.

She's played the system well, and I'm an idiot for not leaving sooner.

I can't believe I used to love her, there's nothing for men who are abused, absolutely nothing.

If you see even 1 red flag from someone you're dating, make tracks. It only gets worse. 10 years in, marriage and kids and I feel like it's all been a waste of life.

I've got to start over, but I'll be paying for kids I'm not permitted to see. How is this supposed to help my mental health? It's a prescription for depression that will never go away as that lost time only grows and grows and is never compensated.

What do I say to my kids if they speak to me when I'm older? Sorry it wasn't my decision?

I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning. Nothing helps, no crisis lines, A&E, prescription drugs, lawyers, nothing. If you've got a dick, you lose, it's that simple.