Does anyone else wish they DIDN'T know how horrible the divorce statistics are to men?

2010-05-16T01:45:38+00:00

its better to know, that way you are less likely to get screwed. Only fools want to live in a fantasy

FreddyDeus · 2010-05-16T23:32:20+00:00

Women generally have a tendency to change the nature of the relationship when a 'commitment milestone' is reached. This is experience, not bitterness speaking. You are absolutely correct in observing that when a woman marries a man the power and control in that relationship really does slide far more in her direction.

Maybe this is why women get so pissed off and will very often end a relationship with a man who is devoted to her in every way possible, other than agreeing to marry her.

It might also explain why women initiate the marriage process far more than men.

BitterDivorcedDad · 2010-05-15T13:34:14+00:00

How long have you known this girl?

Fractella · 2010-05-16T03:46:45+00:00

I'd like to give you a female perspective. I'm not going to tell you that you're bitter or anything, because your fears are valid.

However, if you're in love with your woman, and you want to marry her, and this is your deepest desire, why are you so afraid of her? Why would you love someone you're afraid of? Do you think women turn into evil bitchy monsters once you get married? If you think she's going to do this, you shouldn't be with her, or you should think about therapy. I mean no offence here. It's kind of the same idea as a woman being afraid to marry her SO because she's afraid he's going to start beating her and being an abusive ass hole simply because they are married. The root of the fear is valid, but when applied to the situation, it seems pretty irrational, doesn't it?

Marriage should simply be the last step in a relationship. A total bonding. Nothing should change though. I'm about to marry my SO. We're quite happy together, and I wouldn't marry him if I didn't intend to be with him. The only deal breaker would be if I caught him cheating on me, and even then I wouldn't have the heart to drag him through the ringer. You just don't marry someone if you don't think you can commit to them forever.

I'll agree the system is pretty messed up though, and in the US the courts end up fucking you over. But my parents went through a divorce, and my mom got the shitty end of the stick, although this was in Canada. Just keep in mind that the stories you hear are horror stories, true stories, but stories that make a lot of women get pretty upset about the injustice.

I hope you get your fears sorted out, because it would be pretty sad to see your relationship fall apart because you are afraid the woman you love will turn into a woman you don't love simply because you're going to marry her. :(

2010-05-15T20:09:24+00:00

I do not regret having learned all of this before I chose to marry. Knowing just how raw a deal marriage can be for a man allowed me to enter the arrangement without any romantic illusions, and gave me good reason to exercise extreme care in choosing a wife.

FreddyDeus · 2010-05-16T03:00:38+00:00

I was married for 10 years to a man who made a lot more money than I did at the end and when we divorced I didn't ask for a cent of alimony.

Have you talked to her about these fears?

windynights · 2010-05-15T21:04:48+00:00

More fallout from feminism. The assholes have ruined us. When men and women can't look forward to successfully forming committed relationships - called marriage - then what relevance or importance or durability does our culture have?

AnnArchist · 2010-05-16T04:44:58+00:00

Yea, I would've thought about marrying by now.

kanuk876 · 2010-05-15T10:17:51+00:00

Welcome to the planned destruction of the family.

Random Google References:

Erin Pizzy, founder of first women's shelter in the UK.
"No woman should be authorized to stay at home and raise her children. Society should be totally different. Women should not have that choice, precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one." -- Interview with Simone de Beauvoir, author of "The Second Sex".
Some random crank
Another random crank
Some yokel yammering on about the destruction of the family in Europe leading to an Islamic takeover... which sounds about right, given a few more generations. Demographics don't give a shit about PC or feelings.
Cherry picked feminist quotes like "The nuclear family must be destroyed... Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process." (Linda Gordon) and ""We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage." (Robin Morgan)

huntwhales · 2010-05-15T12:20:23+00:00

I'm married, and this stuff worries me, too. I'm pretty lucky though because my wife and I are still very much in love and I'm reasonably certain she would never ask for alimony anyway, and I would definitely get to very much be in my kids' lives if we ever got separated. Married or not, the kids will always end up with the woman. That's just a risk you take when you have kids. As far as the marriage part goes, just have a ceremony and call yourselves married, but don't get a marriage license or anything. She could just legally change her name (if that's the plan for you guys). That's what I wish I did. My wife and I do better on taxes when we file separately anyways, so we aren't really receiving any benefit from being married at all really.

Our society needs to get away from marriage being a gov't function, and not just for the sake of men, for the sake of gays/lesbians, polygamists, single people etc.

rockchucker · 2010-05-15T08:18:44+00:00

In a Divorce, even if the women doesn't want to screw you over, Family court will make sure it happens anyway.

Marriage = Male Slavery

The only way to win, is not to play the game.

tomek77 · 2010-05-15T13:23:15+00:00

I felt exactly the same as you, so many times! Every time I felt like I was in love with one of my ex-gf's, the knowledge of western-style family law, and the sheer impossibility of building anything with her (house, kids etc..) was absolutely devastating.

Sometimes I wished I was ignorant, but of course I realize that ignorance is just postponing the inevitable reckoning..

I completely understand what you mean by "I fear that I will become afraid of her". I feel the same: even if I don't get divorced, the mere threat of it is enough to freak me out and give her absolute power. I don't believe that love can last in such a setup: women love powerful men that they can respect, not slaves!

One thing that I also discovered is that it is very difficult to have healthy, well-adjusted kids in the western world (this one is also driving me crazy, because I would love to have kids some day, if anything else, at least with a surrogate mother and an egg donor). Let me explain: as a man, I feel like everyone would be looking at me the wrong way, just because I am around kids. Then, per US law, I would not be allowed to discipline my children. In other words: the feminist state has effectively criminalized paternal authority. Add this to the cultural message that the kids receive in school and the media, and you have a perfect formula for creating a fucked up and dysfunctional family. As many studies about single moms have found, paternal authority is what keeps children healthy and well-adjusted. But the state effectively made it illegal, and you risk losing your kids (or worst) if you attempt to exercise it.

Anyway, that was a long rant, but I feel exactly like you, pal... stuck in the femimatrix with no way out!

gdmfsob · 2010-05-15T08:24:27+00:00

if only there were some type of legal agreement that could be arraigned prior to the marriage....

Maschalismos · 2010-05-15T08:16:17+00:00

so - don't get married to her. Live with her, and move from state to state to avoid the common-law marriage laws.

.... actually I dont know if that would work....

Maschalismos · 2010-05-15T22:41:06+00:00

Tell her about your views on men's rights. If she's supportive, consider sticking with her. Otherwise, run.

Here are some quality links for you to consider whether she's adequate marriage material.

I believe you can get a biological child of your own for $10,000 or $20,000 from Russia.

Godspiral · 2010-05-15T18:37:42+00:00

You can try proposing a room and board arrangement, but its unlikely to be well received.

ignatiusloyola · 2010-05-16T05:53:13+00:00

If marriage is so important to you, but you are scared of the consequences, sign a pre-nup. It doesn't solve all problems, but it would help.

CoffeeSwirl · 2010-05-16T16:20:50+00:00

You sound like my boyfriend. Same worries, same fears. What exactly is your other option? You don't get married, she feels like you don't love her and you break up. That's not what you want and it's not what she wants. For some couples the option of staying together long term without being married is plausible. For many it's not. Have you asked your SO if she really wants to get married? Or talked about a pre-nup?

Liverotto · 2010-05-15T21:35:32+00:00

My girl (now theoretical wife) will slowly realize the power she has over me, and it will poison everything we do.

I wish it was like that, but it ain't.

She is not an innocent little girl that will get corrupted by the power that marriage will give her in this feminist society.

She wants to get married precisely to get that power, so she doesn't have to worry about getting older, fatter, less attractive to you, and be left for a younger version of her.

She wants "the power" because once your are married she will automatically stop pretending that she likes sex.

She wants to be in power because she doesn't like to be penetrated every night and have to douche in the morning.

Marriage gives social, religious and legal acceptance to a relationship but it is the "legal" part that she is after.

Title	Does anyone else wish they DIDN'T know how horrible the divorce statistics are to men?
Author	corpseflower
Upvotes	13
Comments	65
Date	May 15, 2010 8:10 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/c4eas/does_anyone_else_wish_they_didnt_know_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/does-anyone-else-wish-they-didnt-know-how-horrible.1049498 https://theredarchive.com/post/1049498

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