Emotional≠emotional intelligence

RAGU-v-UCHIHA · 2026-01-23T18:14:06+00:00

Emotional intelligence is just another buzzword that is being overused and misunderstood, its really vaguely defined . if we consider emotional intelligence to be able to regulate emotions without letting it control , then i dont see women being more emotionally intelligent . by that definition , ironically the big bad "toxic masculinity" would be considered as being emotionally intelligent lol

jessi387 · 2026-01-23T18:08:39+00:00

Exactly. This phrase has always bothered me. Like, children are more emotional than adults, would someone describe them as emotionally intelligent? Controlling your emotions requires intelligence, which ironically is what men are accused of doing to a detriment.

pearl_harbour1941 · 2026-01-23T17:50:54+00:00

My personal viewpoint is that men are just as emotionally intelligent as women (possibly more so, depending on how you define it).

But men go about being emotionally intelligent from a man's point of view, whereas women go about being emotionally intelligent from a woman's point of view.

For example, a man is more likely to shrug off an insult than a woman is. This is a man being more emotionally intelligent than a woman.

World-Three · 2026-01-23T20:52:04+00:00

Even if they were emotionally intelligent. It is actually worse if they are.

How many men get their feelings hurt when approaching women, when sharing their deepest emotions, when confiding in them, or even if not? How many "emotionally intelligent" women are lacing the entire internet with things that emotionally hurt people who they've never even met. Talking shit on men on mental health month, day? Shitting on incels nonstop while knowing most are just mad they're alone? Making light of men's inadequacies in public, too short, small dick, poor, hair loss, etc unprovoked, bragging that the toys are better.

Or even playing dumb games like, put one finger down if you, or, someone in this car has, that ultimately undermines people who in most circumstances hold them in high esteem.

It's like watching someone with way more money than you beg and succeed even when the donators know that person is well off.

When people who have better than you, get better than you, or are seen as better than you, purposefully do worse, they should be judged accordingly... But they're not.

rabel111 · 2026-01-23T22:53:12+00:00

Emotional intelligence is just jargon for engagement with the matriarchial heirarchy and the enforcement of strict male gender roles on men and boys.

Administrated · 2026-01-24T00:11:07+00:00

It is easy to prove that it is just another 💩 term made up by feminist man haters. Just ask any woman to define it in detail. They will contradict themselves so damn fast it will be laughable.

This is just another act of projection by women to make themselves seem like the superior sex.

ShabbyJerking · 2026-01-24T09:21:04+00:00

Why was this removed?

GrandyRetroCandy · 2026-01-23T19:18:56+00:00

I agree with the premise that emotional≠emotionally intelligent and many of the points made.

But you have to be careful my man.

Women are not emotionally intelligent

They're not a species or a monolith. Nor are men. You can't just make a sweeping statement like that.

Because there are women who are very emotionally intelligent.

We have to stay out of the "all men" and "all women" paradigm. It's anti-intellectual and it hurts the movement. We need to be better than that.

Men, nor women, are creatures who can be described. All of them are different individuals.

To put it plainly: there's stupid men, and intelligent geniuses who are men. There's stupid and unintelligent women, and then there's women who are absolute geniuses. You can't just say things like "they're all like this" basically.

Just thought it was an important point to make.

Worldly-Persimmon-70 · 2026-01-23T19:13:54+00:00

yeah, and my personal viewpoint is that men are just as emotionally intelligent as women—possibly more so, depending on how you define it.

But we need a better framework than "men vs women." What we're actually looking at is two modes of operating:

Mode A: Default to connection

See someone in need → help without calculating
Relationships are ends in themselves
Direct communication, low drama
Emotional expression is for connection

Mode B: Default to calculation

See someone in need → "what's in it for me?"
Relationships are instruments
Indirect communication, social accounting
Emotional expression is strategic display

Men among themselves predominantly run Mode A. The "bro code"—helping without keeping score, direct support without drama—that's Mode A.

Here's what research shows: women score higher on empathy self-reports. But when researchers control for social expectations, the gap disappears. What's measured isn't the ability to empathize—it's the willingness to perform empathy. Brain imaging finds no consistent sex differences in empathy-related activation.

Mode B requires real skill: reading hierarchies, knowing which emotions to display when, maintaining social ledgers, indirect aggression with plausible deniability. This looks like emotional sophistication. But it's instrumental—using emotions as tools—not connective.

The person you described—logical until disagreed with, then "very emotional and harsh"—that's not loss of control. That's Mode B escalation. When normal tactics fail, emotional intensity increases as coercion. It's strategic, not dysregulated.

Now here's where it gets concerning. Social Emotional Learning (SEL) programs claim to teach emotional intelligence. Look at what they actually encode:

Mode B Behavior	SEL Rebranding
Indirect aggression	"Using words to express feelings"
Externalizing blame	"Trauma-informed responses"
Relationship instrumentalization	"Healthy boundaries"
Exclusion	"Safe spaces"
Unequal demands	"Prioritizing emotional needs"

SEL doesn't eliminate Mode B—it gives it institutional legitimacy. Exclusion becomes "boundaries." Manipulation becomes "advocating for needs." Meanwhile, direct communication gets labeled "aggressive."

We're measuring performance, calling it capacity, then building curricula that institutionalize the performance as the standard.

Some of us learned emotional intelligence not from the approved curriculum, but from finally being allowed to exist without performing for an audience that was never going to see us as anything but a problem to be managed.

Bookkeeper-779 · 2026-01-23T18:10:03+00:00

Emotional intelligence absolutely exists, it's just that the vast majority of people, male or female, do not possess it nor care to learn about it.

Title	Emotional≠emotional intelligence
Author	Street_Pop6248
Upvotes	80
Comments	17
Date	January 23, 2026 5:43 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1qkxh95/emotionalemotional_intelligence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/emotionalemotional-intelligence.1571804 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571804

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