Help!

Downtown_Wrongdoer32 · 2021-11-22T13:44:45+00:00

I am frightened about the consequences of going to the police. What if she actually makes false accusations against me to the police. I just fear that any such action by me will trigger her and her family to do so. I heard police gives women preference over men. Or it could just be the fear that has been dwelled into me by these threats.

Downtown_Wrongdoer32 · 2021-11-22T13:36:04+00:00

I’m forced to live in a relationship. My wife and her family continuously humiliates me, say demeaning things and even threatens me with going to the police with false accusations against me. Once my wife and I had an argument in a moving car and she opened the car door and deliberately started repeatedly screaming “help- he is hitting me” when infact we were having an argument on which I just mentioned that “I can’t live in this relationship anymore due to how she treats me”. I feel helpless as can’t be in this torturous relationship. I am based in Australia. Everytime I discuss about ending the marriage I get constant threats. I have even been accused of sleeping with my mother.

kaeioo · 2021-11-22T15:15:37+00:00

I've never been through this but this was my first idea after reading the post.

Physically getting outside (and far) of the situation is the first most important thing to do. This should give you a safe space feeling that will let you think more clear since you're not permanently in a fight or flight mode.

Secondly, record, tape, film everything.

Third, get professional help. Psychologist and lawyer.

AirSailer · 2021-11-22T14:21:19+00:00

In reference to what another poster stated... You need evidence.

For Audio: Put a recording app on your phone running 24/7 and keep it on you (in your hand since in a pocket causes extra noise but a counter/table is best) everywhere you go. Set it up to save to a cloud storage app so it automatically uploads when you stop the recording. Every night at the exact same time stop the recording (the file name should be timestamped with the date and time) and start a new one. Keep a spreadsheet in the cloud named "Incidents" with the following columns:

Date

Time

Type

Duration

Threats

People involved

Location

Long Description

File name (of the audio recording)

Use this spreadsheet to keep track of your arguments and where they are in the recordings.

Make sure your phone is secure, set the screen timeout to 10 seconds and change the code to something only you know. Make sure your cloud storage account is also secure and there's no way she can get access.

Lastly, post this to r/Divorce_Men

ksaarthak · 2021-11-22T16:43:12+00:00

First of all-

Consult A lawyer, you may have to do it secretly because of your wife being very critical of your movements.

I would also say, as others have said, you need to have proof to back you up, for women their word can be a powerful tool but for men, we need a bus-load of proof to back us up. Get proof, record stuff, check if recording conversations is allowed in your country or not, you can definitely take screenshots of your chats.

Although in a situation, like the car one, as you mentioned, the recording of your conversation may not convince others but atleast the law will.

You need to remember- if you have a lot of proof, you will always be backed up by others, the police/the law will have to listen to you. Proof is the key to this all. So, again, gather proof.

I really really hope that you are able to get out of this toxic family and be happy.

Again, a reminder- get proof.

king_with_a_k · 2021-11-22T14:11:38+00:00

Start saving texts and phone calls and make records of these threats

Badral0929 · 2021-11-22T15:50:35+00:00

Fuck australia. Seems like fucked up place despite having nice weather. I have once saw article 21yo women stabbed man in australia and got no charges.

dynamic_rum · 2021-11-22T14:37:05+00:00

Screenshot the text messages and save them onto cloud and external hard drive. Perhaps, record your conversations with your phone, you’ll be able to more evidence! Ignore those thought about whether the police gives preference to women, if you have substantial evidence to back up your claim, I strongly feel the police will not ignore this. Best of luck OP!

okfornothing · 2021-11-22T17:18:29+00:00

If you live near this man, go and help him. He needs on the ground help.

Rexanvil · 2021-11-22T14:36:59+00:00

Get out now go to a shelter It gets better ive been there

rubberchickenlips · 2021-11-22T18:06:42+00:00

All sorts of devices available to cover your ass. Available from sources other than Amazon too.

Oka_m1 · 2021-11-22T20:14:57+00:00

We often say this, but it still holds : talk to a lawyer.

MegaTheDevil · 2021-11-22T20:18:44+00:00

Out of all these comments the best options are contacting a lawyer and recording her talking

Adm8792 · 2021-11-22T15:03:47+00:00

Boy ain’t no way just leave

RicoSour · 2021-11-22T15:43:13+00:00

Start subtly recording and build a case, it will count as evidence if your state is a 1 party consent state. It will hold up in court. Also call police, and make it a known problem and file reports if possible. Take pictures of any abuse and damaged property with receipts. Lawyer up and Good luck

2021-11-22T18:31:52+00:00

Sorry, I’m not sure if I posted this yet, or not. It might have some useful information and it also has links!

Women Narcissists and Their Male Victims

International_Risk82 · 2021-11-22T20:59:36+00:00

Simple really.

Step 1: set your phone on recording

Step 2: gather her and her family up

Step 3: trigger them. Open up the topic of you wanting to leave this toxic relationship and goad them into spilling their threats.

Step 4: pretend to be defeated and end the discussion with accepting their terms.

Step 5: take said recording to the cops, notifying them of possible incoming false charges against you and file a restraining order against her, and her family.

Step 6: dump her and ghost both her, and her entire family. Don't allow any chances or openings of future interactions.

Step 7: if necessary, use the legal leverage mentioned in step 5.

Step 8: sit back and relax.

Andrew_stack23 · 2021-11-22T18:27:18+00:00

a tip would be to have a recorded verbal consent so if she try's to false accuse you have a consent out of her

MegaTheDevil · 2021-11-22T19:05:50+00:00

God, please, i hope this is not as worse of an case as u/jasoninhell

MegaTheDevil · 2021-11-22T19:07:30+00:00

!subscribeme

Naotin73 · 2021-11-22T21:11:39+00:00

Whatever you’re going to do, do it as soon as soon as soon as possible

Smuggred · 2021-11-23T04:54:57+00:00

oh well.

Downtown_Wrongdoer32 · 2021-11-23T13:17:25+00:00

Thanks everyone. That definitely gave me some courage. And the reason that I can’t just pack my bags and walk away is because my mother stays with us. She is 77. She has contributed a fair bit towards the house(financially and undertakes daily chores). I can go live with a friend but concerned about her safety. Btw- she has been verbally abused at times too.

So basically I always get demoralised and insulted for the things that I do and the things I don’t do on a daily basis. e.g. I get ganged upon when she is with her family and they try to humiliate me. She has turned my friends away from me by telling them that how I have made her life hell by standing up for myself at times. Since I work from home due to COVID ( my employer is relaxed and no one at my workplace has retuned back to work) and she hows to work, she tells around everyone that I don’t do anything and sit at home all the time. Despite me working full time. She expect ma me to do all the work as she thinks I have no work from 9-5. I have already separated my bank accounts. She use to threat me that she’ll transfer all the funds and that I will be left with nothing. I used that as an excuse to separate bank accounts. One of our couple friends- the female had an AVO against the male. So she uses that as an example to threat me and mentions to me that”don’t you remember what happened with that guy”

PikAchUTKE · 2021-11-22T15:19:21+00:00

Get a hidden camera and record it if you can.

Title	Help!
Author	Downtown_Wrongdoer32
Upvotes	351
Comments	73
Date	November 22, 2021 1:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/qzljnk/help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/help.1087174 https://theredarchive.com/post/1087174

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