I just need to vent about this.

rightsbot · 2012-08-09T21:18:19+00:00

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shonmao · 2012-08-09T22:03:03+00:00

Always, always pick your engagement. Assess if you are outnumbered and if there are white knights. The white knights won't hesitate to become aggressive.

This won't really helpful since you were emotionally jumped, but it can help you going forward.

FWIW I've gotten jumped in 2X and it is why I haven't been back in a while. I've also had this happen IRL.

Another incident where I had to play it cool was at a friends' house and he had gone through a false rape claim that wasn't going to go to law enforcement. Her action was to basically spray all over FB and other social media that he did this. Another guy brought up that he had false harassment at a college he attended (that also wasn't going to be prosecuted, but spread as rumor).

Both of these guys basically distanced themselves from the situation an let their existing social capital argue for them. Anything directly said could have been used socially against them. In the first case, the guy had built up so much community goodwill, that other people were able to corroborate his story and basically ignore the accuser. In the second case, the guy fortunately didn't have the issue follow him. I don't think the second guy had as much social capital.

Do know that building up social capital takes a while to acquire. A history of positive emotional and economic experiences needs to be built up.

tl;dr In your case, pick your fights, manage your strength and energy.

Note: This also assumes innocence, just in case and to make absolutely clear.

theJigmeister · 2012-08-09T21:35:15+00:00

The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. I got jumped all over for standing up for myself, because apparently men don't get to do that.

OuiCrudites · 2012-08-09T23:50:23+00:00

I was not there, but it sounds like you came at it too much from a man vs woman perspective.

Next time, phrase everything you say in the frame that victims are only helped, and crime is only prevented, when we operate on the basis of facts rather than myths or misrepresentations.

Real victims of rape (men and women) and potential victims of rape (men and women) are damaged by myths and falsehoods.

For instance, the cultural myth that women never sexually abuse children threatens the safety of children, because parents might look past possible evidence of abuse at the hands of a female caretaker.

On top of that, mention that excluding one gender from a conversation about societal issues disempowers that gender to play a role in creating a better society.

I don't mean to play armchair quarterback, but I have been in your situation before and I know it sucks ass.

EpicJ · 2012-08-09T22:05:54+00:00

Privilege is like karma completely meaningless but that doesn't stop people arguing about it, and even when people have figured out who has the most they realize it was a huge waste of time that could have been spent doing something constructive.

mikesteane · 2012-08-12T00:39:22+00:00

Trying asking men who attack you for this whether ALL men are closet rapists. If yes then they are condemning themselves as they know what they do in the closet, but they have no right to judge you as being the same. If no, does the group include: themselves, their friends, people around them etc. Just who are these closet rapists? (Indeed what does the expression mean?)

truthjusticeca · 2012-08-09T21:40:29+00:00

It's very frustrating dealing with privileged bigots who think they know everything.

dermanus · 2012-08-10T00:28:34+00:00

I've had decent success basically ignoring what ever the person was saying about male privilege and using it as a platform to talk about female privilege (without ever calling it that), or using it to point out that both genders have trouble in a particular area.

For example I was giving a lift to somebody who started ranting about how men on the prowl are just looking for sex. I agreed with her, and pointed out how frustrating it was for men who do want a relationship when there are women out there just looking to compete for free drinks. We ended up talking about how extreme cases screw things up for the rest of us.

In the case of rape culture, I would probably start by going into how I think it's wrong to trivialize rape, and how psychologically damaging it can be. In fact, it's even used as a weapon of war in some parts of the world. Women are brutally raped, and men too. In places like the Congo, men don't even have shelters or the like to help them recover since there is a huge social shame in even mentioning it. Isn't it terrible that we have such a victim-oriented mentality about rape? (thanks to GirlWritesWhat for more info on the Congo)

theJigmeister · 2012-08-10T07:49:30+00:00

Seriously, thanks for all the support guys and possibly gals. You folks rock. I was having a really hard time with this, seeing as one of these people was Maid of Honor at my wedding. Thank you for all the different perspectives here.

Title	I just need to vent about this.
Author	theJigmeister
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	August 9, 2012 9:16 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/xyl5h/i_just_need_to_vent_about_this/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/i-just-need-to-vent-about-this.1016191 https://theredarchive.com/post/1016191

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