What are men ACTUALLY supposed to do, relationship wise?

JustaTcup · 2021-08-21T19:41:36+00:00

Reading this - I come to the conclusion that she's manipulative. I would suggest either moving on or holding your ground with her. You think she has all the power but seriously, she doesn't. She only has the power you give her.

There's nothing wrong with having sexual desires - and don't let her fool you - she has them TOO. The cuddling comment is just weird. She sounds like she might be cold or that's just another element in the manipulation process.

Wanting to hug and have sex is NOT being perverted. It's a natural, normal human process.

What you can bring to the table in a relationship is yourself. You bring you. You bring your intelligence, your logic, your reasoning, your strength and a dozen other things.

And no - being horny a lot doesn't make you a bad person.

bcapone27 · 2021-08-21T19:42:55+00:00

Girls Are horny a lot too. Do you Are Fine. Some PEOPLE have a higher libido than others. Some people Are Not admitting they Are horny because of the way they were raised/ cultural values etc. However my experience Is that Most Girls love cuddeling and Affection. They really do. Your Girl seems To be a special type. Also a lot of Girls will value you for more than money - we always read about the extremes especislly here on Reddit- Overall its all compromises - but if it makes you That unhappy you 2 Are propably Not matching

alclarkey · 2021-08-21T22:18:13+00:00

From one conversation with one of the girls I really like it turns out she thinks it's weird men are so horny. Perfectly natural thing, it IS weird and can create awkward situations or even worse.

It most certainly is not "weird", it is what it is. And women who think this way are doing immense damage to male/female relations.

So... What am I supposed to do?

Move on. There are 3,499,999,999 other women in the world, some of whom do understand the sexual impulses of men, and who do want cuddling.

And does the fact that I'm horny a lot which I can't even help make me a bad person?

No. No. No. Fuck no.

To bring to a relationship you should be a responsible fun loving person. Take care of your hygiene, get fit.

Solidus1337 · 2021-08-21T19:43:35+00:00

Be the best version of yourself and focus on that is what you are suppose to do as a man. A relationship is just a small piece of yourself so dumping 100% into her is futile because it’s unrealistic. Communicate what you feel/need, and if she can’t meet you in the middle dump her it’s as simple as that. If someone can’t even put themselves in your shoes how can they be a good partner?

BeNice_777 · 2021-08-21T20:20:53+00:00

If she isn't cuddly she isn't cuddly. There isn't anything you can or should do other than find a more suitable partner.

There are plenty of fish in the sea, why waste time here.

Dirty_Purity · 2021-08-21T20:33:40+00:00

What are men supposed to do in relationships?

You can play it however you want but in the end house always wins.

rahsoft · 2021-08-21T20:46:55+00:00

Respectfully walk away

go look up the better bachelor videos on YouTube- there are a few to watch, but he might be better explaining the situation to you in a non-judgemental way..

best of luck to you.

newyorkloser45 · 2021-08-21T23:50:31+00:00

She's probably lying. Women on tinder are definitely not innocent as she let's on, and they get way more matches then most men do. It's primarily a hook up app, she's feeding you bs.

SilkySullivan · 2021-08-21T20:32:25+00:00

Women are just as physical as men. It just may not be with you. She may be lying about it because people usually shame women for being as physical as men.

Bara-enthusiast · 2021-08-22T12:35:56+00:00

Realize that you're unlucky for not being a woman or gay

Space_Exploring7_6 · 2021-08-21T22:02:11+00:00

Money, money, money, then house, car, clothing, mobile, sociable, funny, loyal, seductive, have the right penis size, (not big, just the size she finds right) handsome, fit, learn as many tricks as she teaches you as fast as she expects you to, give her social status, be interesting enough for her to show you off to her friends (not because she is proud of you, but because of the competition within her female pack) give her kids when she decides to have them or when her friends have already had them, teach her kids, (not yours, hers) as she pleases, go to work and bring money home, take time out of work so you can spend time with her kids and her (not because she wants you, just because all her female acquaintances do that) and finally don't worry too much... She will stop loving you between the fifth and seventh year, but stand you three more years cause that's what her female pack expects from her... No matter what, it will end in divorce/break/break-up, especially of course if you can't give her the life status that won't bring her "shame". Oh, yeah, I almost forgot... It's all your fault and only she can feel pain... That in a nutshell...

Reddit1984Censorship · 2021-08-21T19:54:13+00:00

MGTOW.
The only winning move is not to play.

mikesteane · 2021-08-22T01:38:15+00:00

Travel is the antidote to everything. Do it on the cheap carrying a backpack and with little planning. Go to foreign countries. Rough it. Pick up tips on your way from other travellers. Learn to find jobs as you go. Earn your keep by working in a backpacker's, it's an ideal position for learning from.
Raise your SMV as high as you can. There is no way round the laws of the animal kingdom, you either hold good cards or you don't. Some stuff is genetic, but genes are not destiny. You can work on your physique, you can work on your game, you can build a career (hint: invest in learning soft skills, technology will not replace them.)
Learn to be alone. Find what you like doing regardless of other people's judgements. Read as much as possible. and finally:
Try to give what you want to others. You will find that the situation you find yourself in now will be reversed. When you are in that position of power, do not abuse it.

windkirby · 2021-08-22T05:32:05+00:00

Find a different girl to be with. Nothing negative towards her but if cuddling and affection are important to you then you should find someone with similar preferences; there are definitely girls out there who like cuddling and don't feel as negatively about sex. People can be in unhappy relationships for decades because of differences like this. I can understand if you want to connect with someone some if you don't have much dating experience, but I wouldn't pursue a long-term relationship with someone you're so different from. Hold out for a girl you're more compatible with.

benethorpl · 2021-08-22T18:15:13+00:00

I didn't really have friends or went out with anyone

consider some social skills therapy if you have the budget. That's years of emotional damage you've got, and shitload of skills you're missing that all women will expect you to have mastered years ago. Coming from a 31yo guy with asperger's(professionally diagnosed at 28, and I know there's no official distinction anymore, idgaf) who's too old to even start thinking about relationships, as I've never even talked to a woman outside of work.

she thinks it's weird men are so horny

she doesn't. What she means is to her it's weird that physically unattractive(aka below 90th percentile) men get horny at all. Likely trying to put you down, so if you do get together she won't have to make any effort, or she will expect you to make all the effort. Likely both.

She also said that she isn't a very cuddly person and doesn't need affection that much because her friends hugged each other in school and all that, as girls usually do.

One has nothing to do with the other. What she's very likely trying to tell you is "don't expect me to show any affection, you're not good enough for that" - she compares you, supposedly a romantic partner candidate, to her school friends. And puts those friends above you. Toxic af and hella manipulative if you'd ask me, but hey, I'm just an autist who's never talked to a woman, so don't take my word as facts.

She has all of the leverage.

False. This kind of thinking makes you a simp. Don't be a simp.

Also, while we're on this topic, let's sidetrack a bit to the matter of marriage. DO NOT even consider marriage, especially at your age, but don't tell women about it. If they ask you about it, say "maybe some day". Do not, however, sign a marriage contract until current misandric laws are changed. These days, marriage is a totally one-sided contract, which grants the woman complete power over you, and strips you of the power over yourself. You cannot expect anything to be done around the house, because that's "psychological abuse"(but the other way around it's you're just a deadbeat). You can't expect sex despite having signed an exclusiveness deal, because that's "sexual abuse"(the other way around? she's got her needs, if you won't satisfy her, other man will). You can't make her stop spending all your money, because that's economic abuse, but she has full right to demand you take up another job so you earn more. Oh, and you think you can tell her to get a job herself? Well, think again. And in the end, you have no less than 45% chance of being stripped of all your assets by the divorce court.(60-65% divorce rate in metropolitan areas, 75% divorces are initiated by women, 97% of time man loses most if not all his assets)

I want to hug and have sex eventually, but apparently that's being perverted

no, it isn't. People your age hug, kiss, have sex, and even engage in extreme degeneracy like holding hands in public when they're in relationships. She's trying to manipulate you into a FWB relationship, but without any benefits for you.

So... What am I supposed to do?

hang her out to dry for a few days. Stop talking to her unless she talks to you first, and in a meaningful way. If she doesn't initiate any interaction, move on.

Yung4Yrs · 2021-08-21T23:19:29+00:00

NOT a knock on you, just the facts. You are 20 yrs old and haven't had much quality male input into your life nor have you had much life experience. I'll be 69 next month and have seen a bit more than you. If you've never heard of the principle of the Law of Attraction, look it up. Physically, you need to be strong, fit, and healthy. Mentally/emotionally you need to know what being masculine is all about, and you need to know how you are put together and what matters in life to you. The more you present to females as looking to get your needs met, the more you are handing them power over you on a silver platter. Girls love the relational drama and you are basically being played by this gal for her amusement.

In Arthur Miller's play "Death of a Salesman", one of his characters tells the main character that, "The secret to happiness is freedom. The secret to freedom is courage." Your question really is "What should I do these days to get the emotional needs I have met by a woman?" The real question you need to ask is, "How do I become the man that high-value women will be drawn to?" In the process of learning that answer you will start realizing that only a smallish subset of women near your age are worthy of having you. And they will start being drawn to you once you are becoming the best male you that's possible.

Buy Jordan Peterson's book "12 Rules for Life." Actually set aside time to read it. At age 20 and male, if you don't wake up in the morning strong and energetically wanting to start the day, something's wrong. Figure it out and fix it. Do first things first. Do quality work. Finish what you start. Watch some YouTube videos on "The Nice Guy Syndrome." Sound like too much work? Prepare for a lot of heartache. Like me spending 35 years before finally divorcing the mother off my children. One of the last in a long line of counselors crystalized it. "You can have your marriage. You can have your self-respect. You just can't have both." Your heart hurts and you wanna be loved. Guess what? The world is neither kind or fair. Sorry to break it to you, but it's the truth. So where do you find the courage you need? TONS of resources available to you. I pointed you to some. Here is where you start. You get very still and you journey deep into your heart and find your true self. Then from your heart, NOT your mind, you look in the mirror and say, "This day I will live brave. Because I matter." And the truth is my young friend, you do.

Confident_Cry2585 · 2021-08-21T21:31:22+00:00

you dont need female , love yourself and be an asexual

skymonstef · 2021-08-21T21:51:28+00:00

To answer the title "Knuckle under and crawl" seems to be the modern theme

armaadi · 2021-08-21T22:30:11+00:00

Lots of women like cuddling and holding hands and all that affection. If she doesn't and you do, you may need to find a woman who does.

You do not want to be in a relationship when you want physical affection beyond sex, and it never comes. Furthermore, she seems dismissive of your desires and she's shaming you for your hormones and sex drive? Ok.

There seems to be a lack of empathy going on with this girl.

I would look for greener pastures. I understand you got a bite and you want to reel this in, but this doesn't seem like the one for you.

Edit:

I'm married, and my love language is touch. My wife has to work on touching me at times, but she would never and has never shamed me for it or dismissed how I feel.

So you need to find a partner who respects you and your desires. Relationships are built on mutual trust and respect, and strong ones are built on similar life outlooks and beliefs.

If she believes men are just perverted and doesn't feel any need to cuddle, both of these things are antithesis to what it seems you want.

She may find someone who doesn't want to cuddle and never jerks off and that will be good for her. But it doesn't seem like she is good for you.

xTheVyrusx · 2021-08-21T22:53:07+00:00

I’ve seen too many relationships come and go, marriages fail and one didn’t even make it to the alter. Society changed lanes into oncoming traffic it’s not worth it anymore. Dating in general is a toxic pool, marriage is worse because you can’t just walk away from it with out losing everything as a man.

pappo4ever · 2021-08-22T00:17:35+00:00

First of all, she is having conversations with 20 other men at the same time. I'm not joking nor exaggerating, just setup a fake women profile on tinder and see for yourself. So be quick. It looks like you want a mother, not a relationship. Women can give the affection that you want but they can take it away tomorrow like if you never existed when they find someone better. It's fast and brutal. Sorry if this is a cynical take but its the truth. It's completely normal to be horny, if she find it weird, then find another women that don't. She is not really that into you, ask this question, do you think she would complain if she's dating Brad Pitt and he's horny?

In a relationship you are supposed to give it very low priority, like under your two main hobbies. Thats the only way for it to be successful.

jamesbwbevis · 2021-08-22T04:48:28+00:00

It isn't worth it

CellMajor · 2021-08-22T08:38:58+00:00

No offense! The reason why she won't do it is that she views you as the beta! She was shit testing you and you failed miserably. She makes rules for betas and breaks them for alpha! Get out of the relationship and try to work on yourself. Never make women the focus of your life. She should be complementary to your life.

If you want to be better, just type "Playing with fire Alex" and see his videos and read his website. You will improve infinitely. Sorry once again if I offend you! Hope this comment helps you!

420Riffs · 2021-08-22T10:30:43+00:00

I matched with a girl on Tinder whose bio said "No hookups"

I met her, and we had consensual sex that night.

Most girls say things just to say them without actually believing them.

aigars2 · 2021-08-22T13:34:08+00:00

I could be your father when it comes to age. Ask her out. If she declains move to a next. It doesn't have to be anything overthought (First date is just a first date, you're trying to learn about the person and not going to a honeymoon restaurant or something). A meeting point involving something everyone likes. Talk to her by asking basic questions. If you feel that conversation is taking off then probably she's into it. If you want to take this further. Take her hand and if she reciprocates then after 5-10 minutes you can go in with a kiss. Simple kiss on lips.

greyman0425 · 2021-08-24T13:09:43+00:00

Move on.

Build a better life for yourself.

Title	What are men ACTUALLY supposed to do, relationship wise?
Author	NoIdeasSorry
Upvotes	46
Comments	46
Date	August 21, 2021 7:32 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/p8xqag/what_are_men_actually_supposed_to_do_relationship/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/what-are-men-actually-supposed-to-do-relationship.1059463 https://theredarchive.com/post/1059463

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