So I'm 29, and i was a longtime follower of TRP, I still agree with some parts of it when it comes to masculine frame, and self improvement

One aspect though that hasn't improved yet, is my relationships with women, I've never had a problem attracting and hooking with beautiful women, but I can't keep those relationships long term, mainly because of my possessiveness and extreme anxiety and jealousy, and this has been even more highlighted in my current relationship.

but check this out, my anxiety doesn't stem from a fear of losing her, I don't fear losing any relationship, if she breaks up with me I'll respect her decision, no hard feelings. I'm just more concerned about her respecting the "rules" while we are committed to each other, I fear being the beta bucks. I fear committing or marrying an alpha widow, or a woman thats been riding the CC in her 20s, and now she's with me because she's ready to settle.

For example, I don't like her hanging out with male friends, I don't want her going to clubs and dancing with random guys, I don't want her spending too much close time with a male coworker, and of course I don't want her cheating. Now to be honest, I wouldn't mind if she cheated on me with a woman, even if it's behind my back, I simply don't care, it might actually be a turn on. Again, it seems that my problem is more related to masculine insecurity.

The other day the topic of past relationships came, and she mentioned that her last ex really did hurt her when they broke up, and she spent a very long time healing to get over him (she is completely over him now), but ever since she told me that and I've been having this sickening anxiety that she will never forget her ex, that she is an alpha widow, and that her ex was, and still her number#1 choice and priority, and now she is just settling for me because I'm the "safe" and "stable" guy, and that she will always cherish her ex, the real alpha in her eyes, the one that got away.

I just can't shake off these thoughts, even though she never showed any signs of it. My biggest fear in this, is me being the "lesser" guy, or the loser/fool who commited to her when her heart is "owned" and "marked" by some other guy, when I should have just used her as a fuck buddy instead and enjoyed my time with her without committing to her.

Which is another interesting part of my insecurity, in the past while dating, when I'm at the early stages of dating a girl, the minute she shows any signs that she has close relations with male friends, or she is a party girl, I decide to just keep her as a casual fling and never consider being monogamous with her, as a way to protect myself.

And again, it's not a fear of loss, even if she ends the relationship to pursue another guy, it's all good. The anxiety comes from the fear of being a cuck, the fear of being the fool that thinks his GF is an honest pure princess while in reality she is a whore, and the fear of being cheated on. The fear of putting a ring on it, not knowing she is the town's orifice. (I know very demeaning and mysoginestic talk, but that's the core of my anxiety)

I guess some of these thoughts and axniety does come from TRP, alphafucks/betabucks which is my absolute worst nightmare, being a "simp" for committing to a party girl, committing and loving a woman while other guys are able to get her pussy for free without commitment.

Sorry again for the long post, I just need your thoughts and how to overcome these fears. Thanks