Are people really expected to form solid romantic relationships in the modern sexual market place?

DaphneDK42 · 2019-02-20T11:51:56+00:00

Most dating is done online

Dating is not done online. Contact is made online, it's not dating before you sit down and spend time together. Not much has changed. People have some more information to be able to weed out potentials before coming to an actual meeting. Which is probably rather unfortunate, since what people think they want and what they want are not the same. But other than that, the romantics spring up after meeting and spending time together. Internet is just for contact.

VAElynx · 2019-02-20T11:09:58+00:00

Romantic relationships weren't the default throughout most of history and in some areas of the world they still aren't.

Perhaps their era is simply coming to an end.

321PK · 2019-02-20T13:34:36+00:00

Yes. And they often do.

Willow-girl · 2019-02-20T13:41:42+00:00

I think it is better than ever! You have the chance to actually find a partner with whom you have chemistry rather than settling for one in close geographic proximity.

Turns out the perfect man for me lived 450 miles from my hometown. If it hadn't been for the Internet, neither of of us would have been aware of the other's existence.

elf_knife_love · 2019-02-20T09:59:42+00:00

You have a flawed idea of "romance".

Romantic love is a fickle thing by it's very nature, because it stems from differences and is nurtured by excellence (be it in terms of looks, social status or social skills).

By it's very definition, "romantic" love is not a thing that lasts, and you must proactively work to keep it alive.

praisethesun799 · 2019-02-20T12:39:05+00:00

Yes that's what most people do, jfc you people are hopeless sometimes 😒

CreightonWAbrams · 2019-02-20T18:45:50+00:00

I cannot imagine growing to connect with and love someone who I met on the internet on a profile that’s already been seen and talked to by hundreds of other men run by woman who’s tired of beta orbiters and constantly trying to filter out exclusively the best dick for fucking without hiding it.

Well even if she doesn't have an OLD profile, she probably went to high school at some point and all the horny boys in her classes jacked it while imagining her doing filthy things.

Seriously, you can't imagine wanting a woman whose profile was seen by other men? Do you understand that this preference is several deviations from the norm?

beachredwhine · 2019-02-20T10:20:57+00:00

Most dating is done online rather than through people met in real life now as was recently discussed here.

No. Online is the largest single category which is in part determined by how the categories are set up. In real life versus online then real life wins. If they had split up online into online dating, forum PMs, Facebook messages, insta DMs, snapchat, etc the picture would look different.

People are impatient, demanding, and have little sympathy

Some people. Not all people.

Judgement is rampant and extreme and if you fuck up you have very little chance to recover.

We are so interconnected now and so many of us live in anonymizing cities that we've probably never had more chance to recover.

anyone has actually had a positive experience resulting from all of this?

Most people have positive experiences. A down side to the internet is the creation of these echo chambers. Most people have a great time dating.

I cannot imagine growing to connect with and love someone who I met on the internet on a profile that’s already been seen and talked to by hundreds of other men

Is this like a new form of virginity? So these girls are racking up "he saw my dating profile" notches now? I mean you got competition. C'est la vie.

How would you describe it?

Girlfriends are sweet, sex is fun, exploring a girl's body as she explores yours is tits, companionship is strengthening, and marriage and children are fulfilling. Pretty days.

But yeah you'll struggle and stuff that's normal. Do keep moving ahead in your life and keep that glass half full. Woe is me attitude is seriously unattractive.

Reed_4983 · 2019-02-20T16:57:34+00:00

Yes. Being single can be awesome, (online) dating is often horrible and sometimes fun, and being in a good, solid relationship can be really awesome and make you forget about the horrible dating experience.

There's shitty people and people who are not a fit for you to be expected when you make your first steps into the online dating scene, people ho are shallow and self-centered, people who don't put in any effort and expect to be treated like they were godly, people with different values, people who ghost on you when you don't expect it. Or flings that last for some months and make you believe it's gonna last forever and then abruptly end.

However, there's great people around who are just waiting for you to discover them, people who have the same worries as you and long to find a loving and caring person, a person who they click with and a person that clicks with them. I actually think the people who make you believe it's a "draconian and cold game" are no more in number than they were 50 years ago. Only that perhaps, 50 years ago you could have married such a person and would die a tiny bit every day in the relationship.

Source: 7 months in an LTR and we met through OkCupid.

eliechallita · 2019-02-20T17:44:34+00:00

I met my now-wife online about 4 years ago. Before her I'd dated a good number of women whom I'd met online as well (although I did meet others through friends or in person), so I have a few thoughts on the matter:

How we met doesn't matter. I met great people in person, and I met her and other amazing women online as well. If anything, online dating gave me a better idea of the person I was meeting prior to meeting them. I might be biased by the fact that I dated mostly on OkCupid where people share more info about themselves than Tinder.
Why should I care how many people saw her profile before I did, any more than I should care about how many men saw her in person over the course of her daily life?
Yes, she was trying to filter out the best people for her. That's literally what I was doing as well, whether it was for casual hookups or for a relationship. That's pretty much the point of dating, online or in person: You're trying to find people that you're attracted to, from among the hundreds or thousands that you aren't.

As for your other points:

vast swathes of potential partners are instantly cut from the potential pool by the most inexplicable reasons and generalizations

Yeah, that's pretty much the case with dating in any context: You cut people out of your dating pool all the time because they live too far away, because they never share the same social circles or hobbies as you, because they dress in a way you aren't attracted to, because they smoke, etc.

Really makes me want to get emotionally vulnerable and spend my life with that person.

Why not?

Zero_The-Hero · 2019-02-20T19:48:06+00:00

25 and I feel like a relic of the old world. I don’t wanna play the hunger games for girls attention by using tinder, so I approach women in the real world, but I feel like I’m apart of a dying breed. Cuz fuck online dating. Edit have hope guys I met an amazing girl in a bar get out there.

blackedoutfast · 2019-02-20T20:23:52+00:00

yes i've had many positive experiences, but i'm not an ugly socially retarded weirdo

[deleted] · 2019-02-20T22:03:33+00:00

I met my current boyfriend through Tinder, probably the dating app with the biggest stigma for being only good for hookups. I feel we have a genuine romantic connection, and the day we met and time we spent talking through the app are only a tiny fraction of the time we’ve spent together. It’s now totally irrelevant.

Fwit, he had been on literally several dozens of tinder dates before me, and I had been on a smaller but still significant number of tinder dates before him, and it hasn’t made our relationship any less special. After all, neither of us stayed with those people, we stayed with each other.

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lastoftheavars · 2019-02-20T12:33:41+00:00

i dont think most relationships start online, even now, no way. most people still meet through friends or at school/work. most online dating apps seem useless except for women and the small number of good looking men they look for on them.

leftwingsoysquad · 2019-02-20T13:54:12+00:00

I always had success with online dating, and could have held on to some of those relationships if I had chosen to, but I found often our priorities didn't line up. I remember back in the day, being shamed for online dating. It was *way* better back then. Someone once said "I would never date someone from online!" I bit my tongue and didn't tell her that I doubt anyone from online would date her either. But hey, when you crashed through the wall decades ago, you gotta cope somehow.

Online dating is much more fickle now, IRL approaches make you stand out. The problem is, people take the PUA angle too much. Sure, having a framework helps - but you need to be *genuine* (or a convincing faker) - this will put you ahead of the pack these days.

diffdedbed · 2019-02-20T14:27:17+00:00

When I was a wee lad, we didn't have dating apps.

You had bars that were "meat markets", dunno if the term is still used, probably not, since thats whats been replaced by dating apps.

Even back in the dark ages of the 90's there was a saying that you don't go to the meat market looking for love. Could it happen? Sure, but thats not why people were there. One night stands and grabbing the ugly chick at closing time was a trope for that.

Nothing has really changed there. I think perhaps the one thing that has is people are growing up slower so to speak, and are paring off later, and a lot of people doing so miss that window between 18-24ish where good LTR candidates are still single and looking for their long term partner.

Mickusey · 2019-02-20T18:55:44+00:00

Romance was invented in the 11th century by french bards. Like every other idea to come out of france, it has been a blight upon society and had a corroding effect on the very pillars of civilization. Thank god the english were geographically proximate to france and killed large swaths of them throughout history, or the west would be completely ruined by now.

The sooner humanity grows out of silly notions of romance/love, the better. Marriage was never supposed to be about fee-fees; the current over-emphasis on hormonal infatuation as the basis for founding a permanent, monogamous relationship leads to retarded and broken outcomes, like sexless marriages or women divorcing men cuz just not haaaappy. Or the ridiculous, pathetic amounts of emotional "sharing" (read: codependence) in relationships, which in former times would've been reserved for one's same-gender cohorts. Or the economically wasteful cultural practice of men bestowing expensive baubles and gifts on women. Or the expectation that men inflate women's egos by making them feel "special" and "unique" through all kinds of pedestalizing, sucking-up bullshit.

[deleted] · 2019-02-20T21:27:47+00:00

Only if you're Chad and only for 3-5 years even then. LOL

AllahHatesFags · 2019-02-20T21:46:37+00:00

Tinder, social media, and feminism have ruined most women's suitability for a LTR.

mc0079 · 2019-02-21T15:01:20+00:00

I got married 2 years ago to my gf of 6 years. it's been great. I did both online meetings and in person, those have been great. Romance is created between two people, it's just isnt your vague or narrow notion. My wife had boyfriends before we went out, I had girlfriends before we went out. That is life.

rus9384 · 2019-02-20T10:11:41+00:00

Intersexual relationships (and interpersonal in general) are fucked up for the last few thousands years. What did prehistoric people do with each other: work, sex, emotional support i.e. caring, games. Some discussions, but I would rather count them as games or emotional support. Well, that's all.

Exclusive relationships never were the case. Yes, there could be some kind of favorite (top plate in RP terms). And these favorites were more devoted to each other than to others. But even they had desire to have sex with others, have emotional support with others and so on. And they understood that. Women during ovulation are attracted to guys having better, RP 'alpha' qualities. But otherwise they are more attracted to caring guys. RP hypergamy is flawed, but the idea is not a total BS.

However, what I tell you, partners can have sex with other people and still be emotionally supportive. And that is what romantic is. And modern market place is flawed.

Oh, and yeah, some women are more into dicks and others more into sensual. Guys also can be more into pussies and sensual.

iLLprincipLeS · 2019-02-20T12:53:28+00:00

Since females were given access to labor now dating has become monetized, romance can be bought. Solid relationships can form if the man has money.

I just want to ask if anyone has actually had a positive experience resulting from all of this? How would you describe it? I cannot imagine growing to connect with and love someone who I met on the internet on a profile that’s already been seen and talked to by hundreds of other men run by woman who’s tired of beta orbiters and constantly trying to filter out exclusively the best dick for fucking without hiding it. How romantic. Really makes me want to get emotionally vulnerable and spend my life with that person.

I'll tell you a secret. What you need for what you want are females under 18 that have not yet figured the way of the modern world.

Title	Are people really expected to form solid romantic relationships in the modern sexual market place?
Author	Mickusey
Upvotes	17
Comments	64
Date	February 20, 2019 9:47 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/asmi1a/are_people_really_expected_to_form_solid_romantic/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/are-people-really-expected-to-form-solid-romantic.257106 https://theredarchive.com/post/257106

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