Compromise in relationships

IHaveABigDuvet · 2020-12-01T07:29:23+00:00

Nope, red flag. Run. This will come back to haunt you. Its not what she lied about but its the fact she was dishonest in the first place.

Gravel_Roads · 2020-12-01T08:43:19+00:00

Compromise is awesome. Getting lied to is not "compromise". People who start off lying don't suddenly stop lying. I agree with everyone else - this is a red flag, and you would do well to get out of it and ghost asap. Liars also tend to have other bad habits like destroying your property and stalking, if they get too attached.

_mwk · 2020-12-01T07:15:39+00:00

[deleted]

Barneysparky · 2020-12-01T06:53:46+00:00

Is this the same girl as 4 months ago?

iny_m · 2020-12-01T08:02:23+00:00

Red Flags.

Leave after the first lie.

Cimorene86 · 2020-12-01T08:58:12+00:00

Dated a girl who progressively lied about her past to sneak her foot in the door of a relationship. By the time I was relatively “invested” the lies seemed irrelevant, how much of this is commonplace for relationships?

Never dealt with this myself thankfully. I value honest and open communication and it's one of the traits I'll seriously vet for, as well as give. However it's probably common because humans, in general, suck like a Hoover.

I hear of women doing this more where she cheated or did some deceit x amount of time ago, but it’s too late to address now that the relationship pretty established.

Why would it ever be too late to address? Nothing of real importance should ever be "too late" to talk about or make decisions on once you have that information.

Is there a golden ratio of give & take? Would appreciate any 1st hand experiences or advice.

Your post title and actual post don't seem to line up. Are you asking about how to compromise in healthy ways, or about how to deal with a lying partner?

In my experience, you should give what you're comfortable giving and expect roughly the same amount in return, unless it's something you don't care about. In my casual relationship, I give close friendship + sex. He also gives close friendship + sex. We're completely equal in these parts.

However I also pay for our meals out, movie tickets and food, convention badges, and frequently give him small gifts. I do not receive the same in return, but don't care since I prefer to be the provider and have more disposable income than him anyway. Not everything has to be 50/50, so long as both people are okay with it.

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2020-12-01T06:39:48+00:00

[deleted]

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Throwawayforshitt · 2020-12-01T07:20:17+00:00

Dated a girl who progressively lied about her past to sneak her foot in the door of a relationship. By the time I was relatively “invested” the lies seemed irrelevant

What exactly did she lie about?

I'd be very suspicious and potentially break up with her immediately even if i was invested, depending on the magnitude of the lies and the magnitude of the things she didn't want you to know.

For example if she revealed she had cheated, and had lied about it in the past, i would ghost immediately. That's a no no.

Can you give an example of what your situation was

TheBookOfSeil · 2020-12-01T07:35:16+00:00

It's pretty common for people to lie both by telling false narratives or by omission to get what they want. You'll just have to trust that what they say is the truth until you hear or have reason to believe otherwise. Lies always come out in the end because people don't remember the lies they tell for very long, so if you're all about remembering the details of things that people say, you'll be able to catch them.

If you do catch them, it's up to you to determine how important that piece of information is to you. If they cheated in the past and cheating is a dealbreaker for you, that relationship probably isn't going to last. If they lied about how they initially felt about you but warmed up to you overtime and really do like you, that wouldn't be so bad because it's fairly normal and understandable.

You can always decide what you're willing to take though. You don't have to stay in a relationship just because you agreed to be in one. If you found out that they lied about something and you don't like/can't accept it, -poof- relationship is over.

Sufficient-Ad-3586 · 2020-12-01T07:58:57+00:00

Someone lying to you about their past to secure a relationship does that because they KNOW that info would have stopped any potential if it came out. It’s not like they lied about their favorite sports team to strike up a conversation.

Do you really want to be with a person who manipulated you like that?

spacechicken1990 · 2020-12-01T08:04:22+00:00

Everyone lies when entered a relationship, because we present our best selves.. it’s all a charade. Watch gone girl it’s a dark comedy on this topic.

KirthWGersen · 2020-12-01T09:15:52+00:00

One way to look at it is this: only give as much as you are willing to lose in a relationship. Don't give with the expectation of getting the equivalent back.

That way if you or she walks away tomorrow, you can be happy with the relationship for what it was and not feel used.

All relationships end in the sense that, even if you remain in close contact, the shape of the relationship is constantly changing. It is a process. Every marriage is like this, and so are all other relationships.

So enjoy the ride. There is a never a point where you have made it in a relationship. There is simply how it is now; tomorrow will be different.

Mrs_Drgree · 2020-12-01T10:20:17+00:00

No advice threads

Eastuss · 2020-12-01T08:06:22+00:00

My wife claimed to be virgin then I progressively learned about how many dicks she's seen, smelled, and touched. I didn't believe she was virgin so it wasn't a shock for me, and it could be technically true.

She also lied about being bisexual and is just hetero. Not that I care that much but it was virtue signalling on her end.

There isn't any golden ratio of give & take. But people often pair together according to some level of domination compatibility.

Title	Compromise in relationships
Author	beigesun
Upvotes	2
Comments	29
Date	December 1, 2020 6:31 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/k4fhcr/compromise_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/compromise-in-relationships.732520 https://theredarchive.com/post/732520

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