Discussion:My experiences about male/female friendships are very different from how TRP describes them

alreadyredschool · 2015-08-29T09:08:26+00:00

I have many female friends, I could crash into their places and make a spontaneous sleep over if I wanted too.

I don't understand why trp for you is everything the anger phasers say. They just got burnt being the doormat nice guy, of course they will rant against being friends.

Nothing opens the doors to parties and hot girls like friends.

PrimePussyOverRancid · 2015-08-29T09:17:49+00:00

I have female friends who expect me to pay for our get togethers or tickets to shows.

I have female friends who bought me gifts simply because they enjoy me as a friend.

There's no sexual tension between us since I am sexually satisfied and they're sexually satisfied. But I'd still fuck 'em if they ever wanted to, simply because why not.

I think men only get friendzoned when they don't have other options, I.e. are not sexually satisfied.

LUClEN · 2015-08-29T12:40:50+00:00

I've had girls try and pull that stuff with me. All the girls I'm friends with reciprocate birthday gifts and stuff.

A lot of the times it sounds like guys are just befriending terrible people and that their actions are more indicative of that than of some gendered pattern of behaviour.

ValleyFever101 · 2015-08-29T13:47:08+00:00

I think men and women can be platonic friends with each other, although problems might erupt if one of them wants it to be more than just friends.

I think it's a bit of a myth that it's just something that affects "nice guys," since unrequited love can happen to anyone. It's been a major theme in song and story for centuries.

trp_zzz · 2015-08-29T14:13:04+00:00

Blue pill types in this subreddit overwhelmingly fail to understand the concept of orders of approximation. In real life, unlike some internet discussion, order-of-magnitude calculations are just fine. Most of the time you need your eyes, not a microscope.

The reason for this is simple of course, the blue pill types aren't looking to do anything practical, they're looking to fling poop at TRP and hope something sticks. Red pill ideas are pretty useful in practice, so thus posts like this.

Topically, "Men and women can't be friends. If we ain't fucking, I'm bouncing." is a good enough approximation for men to lead a good life. It's far better, for example, than the beta orbiting that many of them engaged in before.

gavinok · 2015-08-29T15:45:55+00:00

It depends how you want to define friends. If you define friends as just two people who do fun stuff together and are acquaintances, then yes, they can be.

However, if you define them as two people who are mutually and equally appreciated and respected by one another, then no. See, once a man develops sexual attraction to a female, he cannot really undo it. It can't be erased. As long as that attraction exists, the friendship alone is not the pinnacle, mutual standard of the relationship. It feels incomplete because something more is desired.

[deleted] · 2015-08-29T17:34:10+00:00

Never understood this view either, and it's definitely not just TRP who has it.

I have never had any problems being just friends with the opposite sex and no they've not expected me to pay for things for them etc either. One of my best friends is a woman and she lets me crash at hers and smoke her weed when I'm around her area and last time we went out she paid for me. That's cool because I gave her a few pills for free after. It's almost as if we're just like any other two friends who do favours for each other and help each other out.

MorpheusGodOfDreams · 2015-08-29T18:46:22+00:00

Testosterone means that men and women can't be friends unless the woman is ugly. Friendship is different between men and women as well, so again we run into the problem of interpreting a woman's constantly shifting definitions.

cantpleaseanyone · 2015-08-29T10:34:38+00:00

When you read /r/relationships do you believe that is all that happens to those people?

cats_or_get_out · 2015-08-29T14:08:33+00:00

It might have to do with the stage of life you're in. When I was 20, I was "friends" with a bunch of guys. You'd see one sitting in the dining hall, and you'd grab a chair and eat--that kind of thing. I was not married or engaged, and nobody else was either.

Once I was out of the college environment and around people in different life stages, I noticed a change. At my first post-college job in 1999, I ate my bagged lunch with male, married coworker (my cubicle mate) at a picnic area, and I noticed that immediately that male/female dynamics had changed. It felt uncomfortable for us to be socializing even though we comfortably worked side by side for 8 hours a day.

It's hard to explain. When everyone around you is young and single, there is more fluidity about male/female relationships. You can be acquaintances, friends, etc. without any weirdness. Once everyone starts getting married and having babies, everything changes.

I find myself putting "shields up" around men because I don't want to risk becoming emotionally attached to a man who isn't my husband. It would be really inappropriate for me to be calling or emailing a "guy friend" and talking about my life with a dude. So many times you hear about an innocent-starting friendship that morphs into something inappropriate because she starts leaning on this guy friend instead of her husband, or he starts confiding in his marriage problems with her.

I guess my long-winded, over-caffeinated response is about this: our life stages have a lot to with male/female dynamics. Your experiences at the age of 20 or 21 completely resonate with mine at that stage. I fully understand what you're saying.

A lot of TRP folks are coming at it from a totally different place though. It's not necessarily a more accurate view of things; it's a schematic framework that aligns with their experiences, so it resonates with them in a kind of spiritual, mystical way that they become fervent identifiers in that schema. You cannot share your own experiences and expect it to hold water for them because they cannot see the world through your eyes and experiences. It's like trying to describe yellow to someone who is blind. This goes for all sides in this sub.

WyvernEnigma · 2015-08-29T14:11:03+00:00

I think they're talking about a very specific type of friendship: One in which a sexually unsatisfied guy seeks companionship with an attractive woman who either has no common interests with him or a couple superficial interests he latches onto (ex: she casually likes the Star Wars movies and he's a devoted Star Wars fan into the EU and everything). In this relationship, the man is specifically hoping for sex. He's pining after her and it breaks his heart that she doesn't see it. He might not even enjoy hanging out with her as a friend. But this isn't the only reason men seek friendship with women; it's not always "sad omega male and girl who is at least somewhat attractive". Furthermore, not all women who have male friends are the "I'm not like OTHER girls" type that actively want orbiters, although those exist and should be avoided too.

Male and female childhood friends who grow up together often end up being "just friends" by virtue of seeing each other like siblings. That's an obvious example.

There's also friends in which both parties have a lot in common and are sexually satisfied, so even though one might be attracted to the other they don't really care and aren't pining for them. And then, friends where both parties have a lot in common and neither are attracted to each other for whatever reason. The key here is: they have things in common, and no one is lovesick. If you wouldn't be friends with that person if they were the same gender as you, it probably isn't "just friends".

But I agree that being friends when you really want a romantic/sexual relationship is a bad idea. It's just not a good path to romance. Be forward about it if that's what you want.

MoneyOverSluts · 2015-08-29T14:34:19+00:00

Unless you actually introduced them to some girls you were just a time sucker for them. You provided no value and they probably did do things for you that you just took for granted. Friendship between a man and a woman can't happen. One will always want a little more. Usually the guy is just waiting for an oppurtunity to fuck.

piclemaniscool · 2015-08-29T14:52:56+00:00

Couldn't agree more with the OP. In fact, the last girl I dated was really upset at me paying at all the dates.

Maoist-Pussy · 2015-08-29T17:32:24+00:00

My best friend is a woman. It is possible because I am sexually satisfied, so there is no tension with her. Also, she had a couple of threesomes with my and my partner many years ago, so there is also no curiosity.

I think you might be confusing Red Pill with angry Nice Guys on this one.

Lonny_zone · 2015-08-29T18:57:32+00:00

I don't see how a man could be friends with a woman he is attracted to and not want to have sex, and I don't see men entering platonic relationships with women who they are not attracted to, because commonly men and women have dissimilar interests.

Xemnas81 · 2015-08-29T23:27:06+00:00

TRP is about getting laid, if you're happy playing platonic then you're playing RP on easy mode

Problem is when you develop attraction and start feeling compelled to use Beta Game: Nice Guy, Captaon Save a Ho', beta orbiter, emotional tampon etc.

Andress1 · 2015-08-31T01:37:47+00:00

I subscribe to the red pill and believe in men-women friendships. Alot of theories are bullshit,but what you find there is most of the time bold and spot on,but sometimes too radical and exaggerated.

Title	Discussion:My experiences about male/female friendships are very different from how TRP describes them
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	5
Comments	38
Date	August 29, 2015 8:37 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3itstd/discussionmy_experiences_about_malefemale/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/discussionmy-experiences-about-malefemale.279969 https://theredarchive.com/post/279969

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