So I ran across the subreddits like r/gentlefemdom and r/RoleReversal and i found some posts like this and this really cute.

I never really liked heterosexual relationship dynamics because it feels like an instruction manual to me and I'm not a feminine person. I also dislike dominant masculine manly men and don't find them attractive and I always thought there was something wrong with me for it. I remember girls in my high school/middle school would gush over Chris Hemsworth, Taylor Lautner, Channing Tatum and I got disgusted when i saw them shirtless. I think most straight men are quite unattractive because they look too masculine.

According to you guys, women usually like older men who are really tall, muscular, dominant, have facial hair and have masculine personalities. For me, the only guys i ever found attractive were the ones who were really skinny, more on the shorter side (5'5-5'9), feminine, no facial hair, are younger than me and have feminine personalities. Basically, guys who looked and acted like feminine twinks (i.e. femboys/e-boys). But they all turned out to be gay. It's like my preferences align with the average straight man.

I'm basically a boy trapped in the body of a girl which has made it extremely hard for me to be in a relationship with someone and force myself to play the feminine role which I just cannot do. I can't see myself giving birth or being a mother either. I'm not nurturing and kids disgust me. But I'm also NOT an 'alpha woman' who's extremely outgoing, loud, assertive and career-driven. I'm more of a laid back tomboy who's an introvert. My MBTI is INTP and the most desirable female personality type is ESFJ. So basically, my personality type is the OPPOSITE of what's desired in a woman. My ring finger is also 1 cm+ longer than my index finger which means i had more exposure to male hormones in the womb. Which can explain why im like this.

Everytime i try to look and act feminine, I end up having a break down and my whole day is ruined. I remember I wore a pretty dress once and got my hair and makeup done and while i looked pretty and got some compliments from people, I still ended up crying because I didn't recognize the person I saw in the mirror and I didn't feel like myself. It made me so uncomfortable like i was wearing a costume. Femininity just feels so forced and I hate that it doesn't come naturally to me like it does for many women out there.

I also feel nothing when I see heterosexual couples and hetero romances don't do it for me either. The only romance shows/movies/books I enjoy are gay/lesbian romances because the gender dynamics are more even and there's no strict roles. It just feels more natural to me. Even when I watch p*rn I hate seeing hetero couples because their dynamics just feel so gross and unnatural to me.

The only hetero couples i kind of enjoy are the ones that feel more "queer" and have their roles reversed and that's probably why i think the posts on gentlefemdom and RoleReversal subreddits are cute compared to traditional hetero dynamics where the man is purely the dominant one and the woman is submissive. I think Noor and her boyfriend are cute together mainly because they're around the same height and he looks like a feminine twink with his coloured hair and makeup/nail polish that he likes to occasionally wear. Would be even better if he was a skinny twig though because I hate muscular people. Unfortunately Noor is feminine herself which I can't be lol but I think it's really cute that they do their makeup, skincare and get their nails done together 😂

For me, an ideal relationship would be a switch 4 switch relationship. I can't see myself being purely dominant or submissive but I'd like to be somewhere in the middle leaning a bit more towards dominant. ideally, if i were to date a boy, he would treat me more like his boyfriend than his girlfriend. I really like wholesome gay relationships and wish I can find someone who's like my twin and really balances me out and understands my gender dysphoria.

Anyways, sorry for the autistic rant but I genuinely don't understand hetero dating dynamics. I find it repulsive and unappealing. I feel like an autistic woman trying to navigate this hetero dating world and i honestly have no idea what to do. I need some genuine advice on my options and how to make the best out of my dating life.

(I also wanted to note that most of my attractions have been androgynous women like this but my family is very homophobic/religious and there isn't many single queer ppl around my city so I can't date women either)