Men please stop DISCOUNTING women's personal experiences!

[deleted] · 2015-08-20T14:37:35+00:00

[permanently deleted]

hippydipster · 2015-08-20T14:42:50+00:00

Don't take it personally.

I discount everyone's personal experiences. It's all a bunch of bias filtering, confirmation bias, post-hoc memory revisions or selective memory, lying, exaggeration, and rationalization.

You, me, everyone. What's arrogant is thinking you're immune to the above. You're not.

How in the fuck would you know what its like for the average black woman if you are not one?

Nor are you.

men don't place a lot of value on me due to my skin

A rationalization. Who knows what the real truth is? You are perhaps in one of the worst positions to give us the objective truth. Where's your picture? Where do you live? We have nothing to go on here but highly filtered words.

How dare you tell me I'm wrong or a troll or liar because it doesn't add up

We dare because it's a discussion site and reasoning, doubting, questioning, verifying is what we're supposed to do. I think you simply came to the wrong place with some hurt feelings.

drok007 · 2015-08-20T14:44:51+00:00

Stop trying to tell me I can't say I find black women attractive.

nicethingyoucanthave · 2015-08-20T15:15:39+00:00

What's your response to the following:

people are often not conscious of their true motivations.

Your instincts manifest themselves as vague feelings, like fear, anger, or even attraction. The real reason for the feeling is that among your ancestors, those who felt it and followed it left more and healthier offspring. But you don't consciously know any of that. As a result, there's really no point in asking you why you feel a particular way, and if you volunteer that information, there's no reason for us to listen - particularly if you don't acknowledge instinctive drives.

people rationalize their behavior post-hoc.

Having followed an instinctive drive (a feeling), a person will invent a rational reason for their actions after the fact. It's not exactly a lie, because they honestly believe they are accurately explaining themselves. But it's not the truth either. It's certainly not insightful.

people experience reality through the filter of biases.

For example, you remember things that bother you. Later you think, "that thing (which bothers me) happens all the damn time!" This is simply confirmation bias.

people's expectations influence their outcomes.

The placebo affect is real. Being told that you're receiving medicine makes it more likely that you'll get well. What this means is, if you want to know the efficacy of a drug, you can't just ask people if the drug worked for them. You also have to have a control.

So, what is your response to the claim that the facts above mean that it is perfectly reasonable to discount your "lived experience?"

fiat_lux_ · 2015-08-20T15:20:08+00:00

I believe you. Your experiences are probably real.

Do you think this may have to do with your location, appearance, or other factors within your control?

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2015-08-20T14:46:44+00:00

This isnt an advice column, this is a place to debate RP ideas. No one here cares about you. You have made this personal and thats on you. No one has to treat you with respect or concern. TRP isnt about YOU

mcconnelldemasi · 2015-08-20T14:44:54+00:00

Its funny. Light skinned women are considered more attractive is common knowledge.

Archwinger · 2015-08-20T15:13:17+00:00

Snowflakes melt. And unless you carry around a microscope, they all look the same anyway.

Lonny_zone · 2015-08-20T17:30:06+00:00

Given that this is your fourth post about the same issue within 24 hours, you are exhibiting Negative Black Woman Stereotype #17: Stubbornness.

Most people have told you that the top beauty standard in America is indeed caucasian, but many will still date black women, and you just whine instead of accepting it. As said by many, you just have to play the cards you are dealt, but against all advice here you would rather cry about what you cannot change. Many have told you that you probably project this bad attitude IRL, and instead of trying to adopt a sunnier perspective, you argue against that.

I have seen you argue against every perspective on these threads and somehow we are the ones discounting your experiences!?

belletaco · 2015-08-20T14:49:35+00:00

TRP will always speak for women. They know us better than we know us, so they say.

throwaway1643 · 2015-08-20T14:47:40+00:00

But I am so sick and tired of men who continue to discredit my personal experiences when they are a. NOT a woman b. NOT a black woman

That's a silly argument. Do you mean that nobody can have a rational conversation using objective evidence about a minority unless they belong to that minority?

How in the fuck would you know what its like for the average black woman if you are not one?

Through objective statistics, studies and evidence.

You have to understand that your (and mine) personal experiences are highly subjective, and filled with bias.

Nobody is discounting your opinion; people just realize that statistically speaking, an individual opinion is part of a sea of different opinions. To try to understand how reality works, we have to look at the mean and not the outliers. Your opinion is no more special than an average black girl who gets lots of sex and hit on by many men. You have to look at the statistical distribution, and not place undue weight on individual, anecdotal experiences.

ValleyFever101 · 2015-08-20T14:51:05+00:00

This is going to be my last thread. But I am so sick and tired of men who continue to discredit my personal experiences when they are a. NOT a woman b. NOT a black woman

I know. It sucks when people make assumptions about what another person is feeling or thinking when they're not that person.

PIBagent · 2015-08-20T14:51:21+00:00

Men please stop DISCOUNTING women's personal experiences!

You first. Women are the masters of discounting men's personal experiences.

Nazrath2112 · 2015-08-20T14:51:39+00:00

Why do you care what ascii characters are stored in a database field? That is all it is.

I'd say that part of your rejection is your attitude. At least from what I can see in this thread. I will be the first to admit that black women are difficult for me to find attractive. It has nothing to do with race, I have dated black women. It's mostly the attitude.

chickenoverrice · 2015-08-20T15:00:25+00:00

Here's the thing. You are a black woman but you are not an average black woman because you as an individual cannot encompass a whole demographic. And by your logic of people who don't belong in your demographic cannot inherently understand your situation, maybe you should only look for comments from other black heterosexual women in certain age range, from similar political and socioeconomic background, and who share similar physiological and psychological characteristics as you.

People replied with answers that match their perception of the world. It may or may not mesh with your perception. Just like they can't discount your experience, you can't discount theirs either.

Nobody can answer why you don't get hit on. Maybe it's because you are black or maybe it's the kind of people/environment or have you ever thought that maybe problem is you? Maybe you aren't as good looking as you thought you were or suffer from RBF. Or maybe you are a classy gal hanging out with hoodlums who only want trashy easy girls. Perhaps you come across hostile and combative.

I don't get what you want from here.

exit_sandman · 2015-08-20T15:02:53+00:00

Whenever I speak of my experiences on this forum, and state that I don't get hit on a lot or that men don't place a lot of value on me due to my skin color a man (whether white, black, hispanic) tells me that I am wrong and black women who are (skinny, thin, average, hot, etc) don't have this issue and get tons of male validation. How in the fuck would you know what its like for the average black woman if you are not one?

By reading stuff like this, or what /u/gridrexx writes on that subject, which I quite honestly don't find that hard to believe.

Title	Men please stop DISCOUNTING women's personal experiences!
Author	missgeniferisback
Upvotes	2
Comments	110
Date	August 20, 2015 2:29 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3hq0wl/men_please_stop_discounting_womens_personal/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/men-please-stop-discounting-womens-personal.280188 https://theredarchive.com/post/280188

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