All "Red Pillers" and most of the rest of the population would agree that two of the most prominent qualities of an "alpha" male (i.e., leader) are being dominant and being in control.

And then, the entire discussion turns unsurprisingly quickly into how "alphas" are domineering and controlling.

This conflation of "being dominant" with "being domineering", and of "being in control" with "being controlling", is so wrongheaded it deserves a permanent facepalm.

Being dominant has nothing to do with being domineering. They are two totally distinct qualities, arising from two totally distinct mindsets.

Being dominant and in control are passive qualities. They are self-focused qualities, rather than other-focused behaviors, such as being domineering and being controlling are. A domineering and controlling person cannot be that way except in relation to things outside of himself.

Being dominant presumes dominance in situations. It is a default position. There are no prescriptive actions one must take in order to achieve dominance. One just recognizes himself as dominant, and his actions flow naturally and gracefully from this presumed position, a reflection of his perception of himself.

OTOH, being domineering is the mark of someone who does not see themselves as dominant. It presumes subordination. His actions flow from this perception of himself in relation to others, and results in him always needing to affect change on others in order to better position himself.

A leader who only has followers as a result of domineering and controlling behavior is not actually a leader. He is a ruler. Rather than leading, a ruler gains compliance through the removal of free will and choice. Rulers are only able to get others to follow his rules for as long as he is able to keep their free will and choice from them.

A leader does not have to contend with the problem of choice. A leader presents followers with choices that are more attractive than what the followers currently have. That's why they follow them, and will continue to do so as long as the leader continues to present them with the best option for them (rather than for him).

TL;DR Alpha/Leaders are dominant and in control. Those who are domineering/controlling are not being alpha/leaders, but rather attempting to correct the opposing self-conception.