Hello wonderfully feminine ladies :D

How old are you and how familiar are you with RPW?

I'm soon to be 21. Since 2016, I've been learning from first RedPillWomen and now RedPillWives. I've read extensively in both the manosphere and the recommended reading list (Fascinating Womanhood, Surrendered Single...). I've implemented the lessons on men around me with positive results.

What is your relationship status?

Single, dating to find a husband. I've been talking to this man that I found through careful online dating (where I was both gently but firmly clear about my traditional intentions). I now am in the process of deciding whether I can fully accept and live with all of him for the rest of my life, and need help with clarifying if my expectations are reasonable. Before I move on to describing my issue, I need to describe this man shortly and sufficiently.

The man I'm vetting

He meets my basic vetting needs concerning age (31 years old), socioeconomic status (middle class), dominance threshold (LH), male archetype (the King), wants a life-long marriage and kids.

He had a rough childhood: He was beat up by muslim immigrant gangs of over 8 members from kindergarten until he was 18 years old. I have no reason to lie here, so I'll say that even before I met this guy, I found muslim immigration without quality control to be problematic. Not all muslims are violent, but the tendency to violence (and gang rape, and honor kill etc.) is statistically undeniable. At 13 years old he had to testify at court 2 weeks after being beaten to a pulp, still with broken ribs, with the entire extended family of the gang members behind him burning their eyes into the back of his head. Because of the ridiculous SJW-movement sweeping through the West, especially in heinously leftist and feminist Scandinavia, and my guy being white, the courts sided with the muslim gangs and gave them a very light sentence (juvenile institution for 2 years with option to get out early, for only 2 of the members). He walked out of the courtroom to find the other 10 members smirking at him. He said that since they kept hunting him down, and without law reinforcement on his side, he would either have to keep taking the beatings or learn to defend himself using his cunning. Long story short: he framed them a couple of times so that they in no way could escape the law, and they left him alone.

As a result of this harsh childhood, he fell into a cocaine abuse from ages 23-25, as an attempt to slowly kill himself. But he got a job, quit the addiction and has been recovering slowly to this day. Now I have no problem with his past, in fact I absolutely admire his displays of great character and moral strength throughout many examples he gave (with proof). But in his case, it also came with some less than desirable habits and potential dealbreakers:

- I was upfront with him about cocaine being absolutely unacceptable in a man I would marry and have children with, and he said he would do all in his power to not take it again, but as a previous addict could not give his word that he would never do it again.

- He has an abnormally high pulse (due both to life-long stress and cocaine abuse) that he now takes medication for.

- He smokes weed, a lot (approximately 4-5 times a week)

- He is an absolute foodie and is a bit chubby. Now enjoying food is not a bad thing. But as I myself suffered a lot of health problems that were cured thanks to a carnivore diet, I'm always crystal clear about what comes first, and that is healthfulness, and not deliciousness.

I have talked to him about these problems, and he has promised to do all in his power to maintain good health habits: eat right (if I cook delicious and healthy food for him), lift weights, sleep regularly, drink alcohol max. twice a week, completely quit all forms of nicotine, lose weight. He has already acted upon this promises among others by successfully cutting alcohol down to 3 times a week (3-4 beverages total), bought barbell and weights to lift during lockdown...

What is the problem?

3 potential dealbreakers:

  1. As a previous coke addict, he could not give his word that he would never do it again.
  2. He won't give up the weed. I don't think weed is that harmful, but a reasonable amount in my head is max once a week.
  3. He is an absolute foodie, and that's not something you simply subordinate to healthy choices unless you radically shift your priority towards health. A healthy diet is incredibly important, and he's already chubby now.

He and I align on everything else but health habits. I admire and respect him so much for his strength, his christian values (he strives to be a good Samaritan), we share sense of humour, dreams, life plans. My question is, am I throwing something almost perfect away for a reason too trivial?

How have you contributed to the problem?

We are not in a relationship yet, so I haven't been a part of causing his behaviour, which was in his life before we met. I've been very warm, receptive and open-minded when listening to him and considering his viewpoint. I have so much empathy and understanding for what he has gone through, and he has said so many times how talking to me makes him feel at peace, understood and not alone for the first time in his life. However, I cannot choose a husband just to be his salvation.

What have you done to resolve this problem?

Read the vetting posts on here carefully. Thought about it. Still thinking, whilst keeping an open mind. I do not want to eliminate a man due to unrealistic expectations.

There are so many aspects and details which were not mentioned, but I couldn't write it all. I will of course clarify if any questions arise.

TLDR: This man I'm vetting qualifies in all aspects of RedPillWives' vetting guide's criteria, except that he was a previous coke addict who cannot guarantee he will never touch coke again; smokes weed almost daily and is a foodie to the point where he might stay chubby the rest of his life. Am I unreasonable if I consider these 3 points dealbreakers?

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Thanks beforehand both for your help here, but also for all the amazing posts that you ladies have contributed to this community!