What do I even do with this information?

_trixie_firecracker_ · 2021-09-05T20:27:29+00:00

Based on your posts over the last year, you seem like you have been working really hard to improve, but there seems to be lingering resentment on both sides. Do you feel you are able to be emotionally honest and vulnerable with one another? If you can both find a way to wipe the slate clean and just focus on moving forward, that would obviously be ideal, but I know it is hard to let go of past hurts.

2021-09-05T21:01:13+00:00

Is it possible that your husband is depressed and is just desperately trying to pin his bad feelings on you? I'm not trying to put him down. It's something I've caught myself doing, at various times in my life, so I wondered if that's what is happening here.

I know that with me, my brain can very cleverly construct scenarios in which someone else is to blame for all my troubles. But no matter how clever or convincing those scenarios might sound, they are false - just a bit of escapism really.

fitmonster1 · 2021-09-05T14:12:53+00:00

Focus on yourself. Forget about what’s going on with him and his thoughts. Workout. Read 10 pages of a good personal development book every single day. (Mindful attraction Plan is one of my favorites) Focus on feeling good and looking good. Things will fall into place when he sees your drive and may even follow suit.

HappilyMrs · 2021-09-05T11:14:41+00:00

This sounds so painful for you, I am sorry.

Step one today is to be loving to yourself. If I makes you feel better, I am your height and heavier than your highest, so I fully empathise with the struggle. Many people do not find it easy to restrict and exercise, and emotional eating can be built in very young from childhood. You are not less worthy of love because of your weight.

When it first became a problem with sex five years ago, what weight were you?

I am curious about the eating-ice-cream-whilst-overweight point. Your husband has very strict expectations of others behaviour from the things you have said before. Does he also hold himself to these standards? If you were the same weight, but he thought you were eating very healthily and working out frequently and intensely, would he still have the issues with your weight (so is it the behaviours that are the many issue)?

Obviously you're already trying, so I'm not sure advice on how to lose weight will help, you're a very bright woman and you clearly don't need it.

I think sometimes people do just generally lose attraction, and it's hard to gain that back, especially if you're already leaning in to the behavioural and personality aspects of fascinating womanhood.

Be as gentle to yourself as you would to a cherished friend going through this xx

Burn_This_Disco_Out · 2021-09-05T15:24:40+00:00

It sounds like he's desexualized you over time. Maybe it's not in his control, maybe it is.

But from my personal perspective, it sounds like he's definitely desexualized you over time, it happens in some (very few, I think) marriages when children come into the picture.

But it's mainly a man's fault for thinking of his wife as the Madonna. I don't think he has a Madonna/Whore complex but it definitely feels somewhat close it.

Perhaps there are ways you both can work on this and develop intimacy, especially physical intimacy. Working with a sex or relationship therapist might help too!

I 100% recommend relationship therapy for you both.

Justskimthetopoff · 2021-09-05T19:54:32+00:00

This is going to sound harsh. It sounds like he is a weak man, for firstly not being honest with you and helping you to get healthier. However, I must say, many men do still find their wives attractive even with a few extra pounds. Especially the mother of their children. So I don't completely buy that, due mainly to it being abrupt. Is it possible he was cheating or watching a ton of porn?

Secondly, he also sounds like he wants you to feel badly about yourself, so sets these bizarre moving goal posts. The ice cream thing is despicable IMO. A man who loves you and knows you like ice cream won't bring that up, especially if it isn't true. Goading you to get a cone with the family and then harassing you about it months later? Please. I am assuming you are a loving mother and wife, and you are always there for him. He is not the same to you. Maybe it's time for you to abandon the way you've been, in the way he's abandoned you. You have 'bent over backwards' for him - what does he do for you? Not for your family or kids, but for you? It seems that well has run dry on his end.

Mirror his actions. Give him the same energy he gives you. I do not buy that a man suddenly loses attraction to his wife after she puts in all this effort. Sometimes, men need to see that they can in fact lose the love they have taken for granted. He hurt you. It makes sense to withdraw. And it will make sense to him that you and your efforts and your love are not a give in. Show him the woman you are and the woman he has, but do not let him think his current behavior warrants all of that. I am not saying to divorce or leave him, but simply respond logically to his behavior. If you break something, it needs to be fixed, it can't just keep working the same way forever. He needs to put in work, and he is the man in the relationship. Treat him like the man he is, hold him to the higher standards he deserves. To lower the standards you hold him to means he is a lower man. If he isn't, do him the favor of showing him how he should treat you. My advice is to withdraw, work on yourself, stop focusing on his needs, sleep elsewhere. Show him there are consequences to his hurtful actions and words. Keep being an amazing mother and honor yourself. If you don't honor yourself, no one will.

adoctorswife · 2021-09-05T21:14:05+00:00

I’m sorry you are going through this. I went though something similar with my husband. I gained 30 pounds and he suddenly stopped touching me when usually he would want it at least once a day if not twice. I asked him what was wrong but he couldn’t give me an honest answer, once I lost the weight everything went back to normal.

I think the weight could be part of it but it could also be other factors outside of your control. If he is going through an episode of depression, anxiety or overall not feeling will it can dramatically affect someone’s sex drive. Physical exhaustion as well can contribute to this problem.

I’m not sure how old your husband is but men as they get older have lower testosterone levels and that impacts their sex drive.

Lose weight until you are at an ideal weight for you, spice up your romance with your husband by cooking special meals once in a while, do little things to take care of him like offering a foot massage, foot bath, taking care of his nails, etc. Those small acts of care make men feel valued. Showing him submission also helps, men like to feel respected.

HappilyMrs · 2021-09-07T14:44:02+00:00

How are you faring, I've been thinking of you

shimmerprincesskitty · 2021-09-14T21:32:43+00:00

sounds like hes cheating on you. do you think that is the case?

DrippyMello · 2021-09-05T14:19:38+00:00

You should continue to lose weight/Stay away from all unhealthy foods and also do kegal exercises to tighten it up down there. Dont give up on your husband maybe he is just stressed or going through things in life which affects his libido. He might not wanna be very open with you to not hurt your feelings as women are super sensitive when it comes to these things. Also use your womanly charm to seduce and wear something that arouses him in the house.

andrew_X21 · 2021-09-05T18:33:37+00:00

Does your husband watch porn? Try to convince him to give up on porn, it reduces the libido, and the sexual attraction over all. Try to make him stay at least 1 week without it and see if his attraction towards you return

I'm not very good with word my self but read this post https://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/n16wf4/for_married_men_at_day_58_sex_and_intimacy_with/

nycgirl777 · 2021-09-06T00:15:27+00:00

Next time he asks you about ice cream tell him you’re over it. Never bring it in the house again or have it in front of him again. When he’s at work or you’re on your own, eat as much ice cream as you want. Just get rid of the evidence.

Title	What do I even do with this information?
Author	anothergoodbook
Upvotes	25
Comments	24
Date	September 5, 2021 10:54 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/pib076/what_do_i_even_do_with_this_information/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/what-do-i-even-do-with-this-information.1066788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066788

Comments