A few recent posts from younger women got me thinking about a woman's journey regarding relationships. The choices one makes can profoundly alter one's path in life. I found it challenging to conceptualize, having never been a woman. Though most of us experience a relatively pedestrian journey, the 'choices in love' we make as we enter adulthood can alter our trajectory in life.

Here's a classic formula for a 3 Act storyline.

  • Act 1 – Rise to Prominence
  • Act 2 – Fall From Grace
  • Act 3 – Redemption - Return to Glory

The story of Apple’s Steve Jobs follows this classic 3 Act formula. His meteoric rise at a youthful age was followed by an equally spectacular fall from grace as a consequence of his hubris. Finally, after years of toiling in exile, he redeemed himself (with Pixar) and regained leadership of his beloved Apple. In heroic fashion, he took it from the brink of disaster to spectacular market domination. His death at the peak of Apple's success solidified his legacy as a legendary business icon.

Relationships can follow this pattern...

  • Act 1 - Burning Desire
  • Act 2 - Honeymoon's Over - higher friction, lower heat.
  • Act 3 - Love Grows

Relationships often fail to launch or fizzle out in Act 2.

The coming-of-age journey of a woman can also follow this 3 Act pattern.

Act 1: Her 'hot babe in the spotlight' years. Youthful beauty is honey to a bee for a man. Her desirability opens her up to a world of possibilities, some of which can be corruptive.

"Beauty is power; a smile is its sword." ~ John Ray

By choice or circumstances, some women never enjoyed much of an Act 1 'hot girl' lifestyle, which might be a blessing in disguise. Others will try to sustain the Act 1 spotlight for as long as possible. These days, with the widespread use of social media platforms, this Act 1 stage can be prominent and prolonged.

Act 2: She gets dragged down, maybe by outside forces, maybe by questionable choices, maybe by pride, maybe by her femininity and modesty being tossed aside. She spirals downwards instead of rising higher.

The hero's journey involves two parallel storylines – a series of external challenges as well as internal struggles regarding personal character. It's the internal journey that matters most. Overcoming adversity and becoming a better person makes for a very compelling story.

Some women languish in Act 2. Maybe they've had the deck stacked against them their entire life. Maybe they had everything going for them and still managed to fall spectacularly to the temptations of a hedonistic, self-indulgent lifestyle. Some get stuck in a victim storyline and eventually become miserable crabs in a bucket who resent those enjoying Act 1 or 3. Disillusioned, embittered, hardened.

Transitioning from Act 2 to 3 is the challenge. Some fail to turn themselves around because it's so much easier to go with the flow, play the victim or deny any flaws out of social and emotional self-preservation.

Act 3: She rises back up to become a remarkable woman. She finds a remarkable man and builds a family and life together. Not that family life is the only available happy ending.

Some women make the full journey to reach Act 3, with some of them eventually rising far higher than those who have never suffered a humbling fall from grace. Some have avoided the pitfalls of Act 1 and 2, but are stuck waiting for their Act 3 to commence. Some slide effortlessly into Act 3, without spending any lost years 'finding themselves'.

Does a profound and prolonged Act 1 strongly correlate to a profound and prolonged Act 2? A hard partying lifestyle can certainly corrupt. Not everyone reaches age 30 having aged well, especially in terms of character.

In my experience, most people tend to lead relatively pedestrian lives without dramatic downturns. However, that was prior to social media. Everything has changed. Some women see themselves as stars of their own Kardashian-esque movie saga. Chances are we'll see more women getting mired in Act 2 as they suffer the consequences of their indulgent choices and princess egos.

How does a career factor into this? It's a slow grind upwards to higher levels of grind. Lots of adversity and growth. Some make this their primary journey. Family isn't for everyone.

What's your take on this? Have you experienced any dark chapters in your journey? Did you have the benefit of strong mentors or role models to help you avoid learning things the hard way? Do you know any people who have experienced a dramatic fall from grace?