Hello everyone, I am posting this thread on behalf of another user here that wishes to remain anonymous for various reasons. I have my own thoughts on the matter, but the OP agrees that making this into a thread for everyone to provide feedback would be more beneficial.

Because I am posting this thread on behalf of another user, I will not be responding to the comments that are submitted.

Any and all input is appreciated. Thanks everyone!

:0)

My boyfriend has always been a very hard worker. It's one of his most admiring qualities, but it is also the one I struggle with the most. He spends his days at his business then when he comes home he spends his nights on the computer and phone. It has now gotten to the point where I can't even watch cable in our bedroom or the power shuts off because of all the electricity for his work..which then in turns leaves me sitting next to him staring at my phone because I am not allowed to have my own laptop. I try to engage in conversations with him, but he just ignores me. I understand he is busy so I just let it be. I've even been working out during the mornings, before he goes to work, just so if there is even a possible chance to genuinely speak or see him during the evening.

It has gotten to the point where even last night after I set our dinners out he took about four bites and then told me to put his away because he was too busy to eat. So, I'm left eating alone. I never say anything negative towards his work because I know it is how we survive and carry on our life, but I feel very...alone. I do not have friends because he decided early on they were not optimal for my performance. Fine. I do not have a job because he did not think I was making enough money when the nail season started to slow down so he asked me to quit and I did. He asked me to stop attending Crossfit group sessions so I did. I now workout alone as well when this was sort of my only time to have any other socialization aspect to my life.

I do NOT have good relationships with my family because of words exchanged between my SO and family. He sort of makes me feel guilty when I plan things with my family, which only happens once every 2-3 months anyway because of my shift in thinking and everything is sort of uncomfortable with my family now that I am very different versus how I was raised. I take care of our house, I make sure everything he needs done is done. I make sure to keep myself looking nice for him to come home too. I am just running out of ways to keep myself from falling into old habits of blue pill, or being a typical 21 year old girl with feelings she can't control.

I am lacking sexually myself because he is too busy for it or wants to wake me up at 4:30AM to have a blow job before he goes to sleep then that's that. I have tried to sit down with him and explain I am lonely, explain that I need a life outside of just the house and waiting for him every minute of my days, like a job we can both seriously agree on (I want to open my own business, but not realistic ATM).. but he just started to raise his voice at me. Not yell, but he raised it above the tone I was speaking to him too (which is a big rule in our house. If we are speaking seriously and appropriately then we do not raise our voices over one another). I just started to cry and I said "I don't know why you're raising your voice with me when I'm speaking like this. I just wish you could understand what I'm saying to you." Although, I understand he was raising it because he literally doesn't have the time to sit and listen to me speak about this.

Now, after reading a lot of things on RPW and TRP I've learned he follows "Dark Triad" traits along with an avoidant attachment style. This definitely stems from his childhood, but I am obviously going to be a bit needy when I have no other social communication besides him. I'm just looking for ways to keep myself positive because I have had panic attack issues before and it is something I never want to go through again, but being so lonely and never leaving the house to do anything with him or just to do something nice for myself besides go to the gym is sort of.. getting me back to that place I don't want to go.

I totally understand and accept his need to work and I will never resent or be sad over that because that's the biggest way, to me, that he shows his true respect and love for me. It took me a long time to figure that out, but it's something that I respect so much now. It is just a bit hard emotionally on me because of my previous experience with anxiety issues. I don't want to come off like I'm being negative towards my SO because I'm not. I just would like some advice on how to handle being strong emotionally when your partner is 100% unavailable to you during times, especially when you rely on that partner to be your source of socialization and what not.

Edit: The OP contacted me and disclosed this in response to some of the things being said

"Man, I suppose I didn't expect to get those types of comments. Not having a laptop because I used social media and was not responsible with it when we first met almost 4 years ago now.. I know people are saying "boyfriend doesn't mean marriage", but.. he does not believe in marriage. I have read many people at TRP don't as well. I have to be honest to say that I don't believe in it either so to us this is our form of marriage.

He had a very bad childhood and this is why he acts so withdrawn. I'm not a glorified maid by any means and am very well taken care of. When he has time I am the only one he gives his time too, but when he doesn't it IS excessive and for large periods of time. I'm not miserable in my relationship at all either. Lonely and miserable are completely different, but I am lonely. I wouldn't be here if I was miserable because that is counter-productive to self betterment."