Advice please?

leosandlattes · 2026-05-22T21:34:32+00:00

You are 30 years old and not yet married to this man, nor do you have kids. He is verbally abusive to you and unwilling to put away the red pill grifters to actually be present in his relationship. Submission to your future husband should happen because you can trust him to lead and make reasonable decisions, not because he says so.

Men like this discover that they can abuse you, and for whatever reason, women's deference and "taking" the abuse only fuels them to think lesser of you and treat you worse. My ex-boyfriend was exactly like this. Emphasis on the "ex" part.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-05-22T21:34:57+00:00

He does expect me to wear skirts/dress virtually all the time if I am around him. I told him I felt it was unreasonable and he said I can ask for permission from him to wear pants and he gets to decide if it’s a yes or

This is... a lot of power to give a fiance.

He also uses my education against me, saying I “tried so hard to get my degree” and why I’m not trying as hard in the relationship.

How are you not trying? Is it just because you want to choose your own clothing?

Disrespect to him is not listening to him, following orders, being done with a conversation after speaking for hours. He says woman over 30 are not as valuable and he is would never talk to one (I met him before I turned 30).

Ugh. If only we didn't have a rule against insulting SO's. In all seriousness, this is gross, rude, deeply disrespectful, and simply not true. Plenty of men will date a woman over 30. They'll even marry them in less than five years.

He says I’m disrespectful so that is why he gets angry and disrespectful back. I am trying to work on my issues (he says i am making faces and being “snarky” when he tries to talk to me for hours about red pill videos/women). But that he will only be respectful once I become respectful.every time I explain my feelings he says I’m making him feel the same way.

Do you want to do this for the rest of your life? Really and truly? Because I've been miserably married and peacefully divorced and I'd choose the latter every single time. A Vampire Diaries marathon and frozen yogurt for dinner > being verbally abused, 100% of the time. I don't use the term abuse lightly, either. This guy is... well, we have a rule against the rest of that sentence.

He says I’m disrespectful so that is why he gets angry and disrespectful back. I am trying to work on my issues (he says i am making faces and being “snarky” when he tries to talk to me for hours about red pill videos/women). But that he will only be respectful once I become respectful.every time I explain my feelings he says I’m making him feel the same way.

Why? I find it hard to believe that any qualities he has outweigh constantly insulting and controlling you. I think it's far more likely that you've spent five years with a man who's grown increasingly unpleasant and you haven't noticed the extent until now. Do not marry this man over some sunk cost fallacy bullshit that he's put into your head by claiming your vagina is all dried up the day you turn 30... or whatever it is he's trying to say. If that's not enough, consider this. Girls marry their dads. Do you want your daughter to marry a man who talks to her this way? You're 30. You're not dead. Find someone who doesn't treat you like garbage cuz internet folks told him to.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2026-05-22T21:56:38+00:00

I am looking for any reason to stay

This isn't what you should be doing. You are not married. You should be vetting. You should be looking for signs that make you think "yes, I want this man for life, as he is now" or "no, I can't live with that".

Do not marry him in hope he will change.

Do not walk on eggshells in hope that if you are good enough, he will stop insulting you. Chances are, he will always find some reason to say you are not good enough. If he does not want to be satisfied, he will simply never be.

From another post:

That I should be working on my issues and that he will work on his once I do mine.

This is not leading. This is score keeping and a destructive attitude. A relationship works when both people are indipendently striving to give their best. If he wants a submissive woman, then he needs to be a leader - and a leader sets the example. He inspires you to follow him - he doesn't force you to submit by making all other options absolutely miserable. It sounds like he's only belittling you and pushing you down to prop himself up. A very peculiar strategy for building a happy relationship.

I told him I felt it was unreasonable and he said I can ask for permission from him to wear pants and he gets to decide if it’s a yes or no. I haven’t been able to change his mind of this.

You do not need to change his mind. You simply need to decide if you are ok with this or not.

Listen: I am married to a man who gets to decide what I wear. He gets to decide what counts as disrespectful, he gets to give or deny permission for things, he expects me to listen, the whole package your boyfriend seems to want. He gets all that because we agreed it would work that way and we are happy that it works that way. And in 10+ years of knowing each other, not ONCE has he insulted me. He respects me because I am his wife and he loves me, not because I behave well enough. He makes me feel infinitely more precious, valued and cherished just by being with him. Is your boyfriend doing the same?

nnnmmmh · 2026-05-23T00:24:38+00:00

Personally, I give very little credence to anyone who listens to fresh and fit seriously. They are known for putting sex workers/OF on their platform and those same sex workers experience a surplus of views after the episode airs. From the men who listen/watch the podcast. Sure they claim to be successful with women, but neither have long term loving relationships.

He honestly sounds like the type to use red pill as a smoke screen for being over controlling. There’s a big difference between “I like how you look when you wear dresses and skirts” and “you will only wear pants if I give you permission”.

There’s a principle in red pill women philosophy called Captain and First Mate. Imagine if the captain of a ship shouted rude names and blamed the first mate for his own behavior. Highly unprofessional and also extremely inappropriate. The captain sets the tone, he is the leader. The one who takes responsibility, for blame and praise. If the tone of the relationship is poor, it starts at the top. If your man claims he wants to be the Captain, he needs to act like it. No sulking and stewing because he doesn’t get his way. No name calling and using abusive language against you.

What are his “great qualities”? Why have you stayed so long? How long has he been acting like this?

The part that really troubles me is the comment about your age. Age preference is allowed when selecting a partner but, we all age. It’s the most simple fact of life. Is he trying to imply that he won’t talk to you once you’re 31? Is he trying to make you feel trapped into thinking no other man would want you now? Some of the best marriages I know happened after both parties were past 30.

Sweatpant-Diva · 2026-05-22T23:43:56+00:00

This is terrifying. You are being abused.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-05-23T14:07:54+00:00

EDIT: I took some space away from him after an altercation where he called me a name. He was very angry and wanted to talk it through. He is essentially saying I am causing him to blow up and sends me videos about how women train men to be angry. He said that he will work on it but that I need to work on the respect first as that is the source of his blow ups. I took more space after that and didn’t communicate / didn’t call him back on the day he asked me to. He became upset and ended things with me, saying I don’t communicate, listen to him (didn’t call him the day he said) or tried to enough. That I’m not ready to be his wife. Should I fight and try harder? Am I not doing enough? I feel a lot of guilt. I am heartbroken.

Block him. Never speak to him again. Be lucky you dodged this bullet. This is not a good man. He would not make a good husband or father. You're 30. Don't waste more time on him. Heal. Date. Marry someone who isn't an abusive piece of shit.

Funflipflower · 2026-05-23T15:06:33+00:00

Wooow leave him He says you cause him to blow up on you.... You need his permission to dress You are damaged goods at 30 You need to leave this man yesterday Women should not be trying hard in relationship this is crazy Men drive the relationship not women. You will die young with this man he is sucking life out of you

prostoja555 · 2026-05-23T02:48:39+00:00

I am sorry but this sounds like abuse. And it might get worse. It seems he is finding fault in you no matter what you do. You are right that he is being unreasonable.

Jett_Fabrri · 2026-05-23T09:16:48+00:00

Leave for the love of God

Montara92 · 2026-05-22T23:42:21+00:00

IMO he is not a boyfriend/husband he is an owner. Run before it’s too late. He’s not showing he loves you, people who love you won’t treat you like this.

AutoModerator · 2026-05-22T21:09:11+00:00

Title: Advice please?

Author Ok_Evening_5412

Full text: I (30F) have been with my partner (34M) for the past 5 years and engaged. I am having some issues getting through to him, he shares a lot of same views with red pill podcasters (fresh and fit, andrew wilson, watches videos often).

He does expect me to wear skirts/dress virtually all the time if I am around him. I told him I felt it was unreasonable and he said I can ask for permission from him to wear pants and he gets to decide if it’s a yes or no. I haven’t been able to change his mind of this. He also uses my education against me, saying I “tried so hard to get my degree” and why I’m not trying as hard in the relationship. He feels right in calling me names if he feels like I disrespect him. Disrespect to him is not listening to him, following orders, being done with a conversation after speaking for hours. He says woman over 30 are not as valuable and he is would never talk to one (I met him before I turned 30).

He says I’m disrespectful so that is why he gets angry and disrespectful back. I am trying to work on my issues (he says i am making faces and being “snarky” when he tries to talk to me for hours about red pill videos/women). But that he will only be respectful once I become respectful.

I am looking for any reason to stay as I love him truly and have a deep connection. We share a lot of views but seem to have disconnect in these other areas. I feel like I hold so much resentment and don’t know how to get him to see my side as he says he is firm on these ideas. Would like advice from women with husbands who are more red pill on this?

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Jenneapolis · 2026-05-23T17:04:05+00:00

Are you the same poster who has posted this question many times on different accounts and then deleted it? Because if so, we’ve given you a lot of advice.

SufficientCell9689 · 2026-05-23T17:07:22+00:00

Dump him immediately. That man does not respect you; he views you as property. A man should not EVER think it's appropriate to use derogatory words or "names", as you call it, for the woman he claims to love and treasure. I could NEVER imagine my husband doing that to me, ever. He does not own you and you are not his daughter, which means he doesn't get to decide what you wear. That is disgusting. Would you want any future children to see him treat you that way and think it's normal? Would you approve of your son treating his wife the same way your partner treats you? If the answer is a resounding "no", as it should be, then you have your answer. Please reconsider this relationship.

breesearedelicious · 2026-05-24T03:52:17+00:00

Babe, he treats you worse than a dog. Good riddance! Have some self respect first and foremost. There's a great guy out there for you waiting for you. You just gotta go out and say hi to guys in real life or dating apps where I found my bf.

Good luck. Don't forget, you're worthy of love and respect also. It's not just a 1 way street.

aleatingasandwich · 2026-05-24T15:26:49+00:00

I am deeply concerned about you. The fa t that you were able to write all of that out and still have to post it to get third party verification on what would be obvious to any stable woman is scary. I'm scared for you.

I hope you seek therapy. I t think it would be the single most important thing you do in your life.

Best wishes to you.

Vast-Society4093 · 2026-05-24T17:41:54+00:00

Any podcasters who blames all the issues to women are not redpillers they are just grifters telling lonely men women are the problem and not them. Good redpill content put accountability on both gender. Like Jordan Peterson or what I truly like is the channel „think before you sleep.“

Show him that maybe if you want to get through him but as other said he seems abusive . You know him better than us if he is worth working things out.

MoreThanPurple · 2026-05-25T17:10:24+00:00

Please engage with your post or it will be locked.

Menemsha4 · 2026-05-22T23:59:48+00:00

Ummmm ..

What rules do you have for his clothing?

What does he have to ask your permission for?

This is controlling and abusive behavior which will likely increase once you marry.

Please reconsider the path you’re on.

Title	Advice please?
Author	Ok_Evening_5412
Upvotes	10
Comments	19
Date	May 22, 2026 9:09 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1tkw1hu/advice_please/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/advice-please.1580992 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580992

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