Am I crazy?

qazxcvbnmlpoiuytreww · 2021-02-02T20:24:05+00:00

Asking your input on what you want to do is a normal, healthy thing in any relationship

TranslatedSky · 2021-02-02T20:45:18+00:00

You sound like you equate shows of dominance to leadership ability, and you may run into a lot of trouble with picking wrong men because of this. Doesn’t a good leader take into consideration your wishes?

Perhaps before dating you should read up on the sidebar on how to vet. Yes, you want a guy who gives you the tingles, but not because he’s a narcissistic dude who tells you straight up where and when to meet accommodating his own schedule.

Another thing you could learn is to communicate. How is he supposed to plan anything if he doesn’t know when you’re free? These unspoken expectations are ridiculous. Life is not a 50 Shades of Grey fantasy. Reciprocate with more details and a range of things you like to do (be vague if you want) then see what he does with that information. Even if he does manage to plan a date, that tells you almost nothing about his leadership abilities. That’s just him wooing you.

morganKxoxo · 2021-02-03T01:36:11+00:00

Yeah I think you’re sabotaging things before you even meet him.

He asked you what you like to do, NOT to plan the date. He’s probably trying to gauge what you’re comfortable with due to the lockdowns. All you have to do is give a list ‘going on walks, getting coffee, going to the park, picnics, hiking, etc’ I see that as more of a get to know you and gauge the situation vs you planning. I think that gives him the perfect opportunity to then take charge

LocalReligionMajor · 2021-02-03T01:27:41+00:00

I don't think it's unreasonable to want a guy to plan the first date. However, I wouldn't consider it a deal-breaker. Once you get to know him, you'll be better able to gauge his leadership abilities.

StandardGreekGod · 2021-02-02T21:40:04+00:00

You’re half crazy. He asked when you’re free which is perfectly fine if you’re a woman of any value with a life of your own. But sure he could have said “let’s grab a drink/coffee”

cast-away-ramadi06 · 2021-02-02T20:46:14+00:00

Like, I feel like the kind of 'take-charge' man I want would just plan something and then invite me along

Most people in the US would consider that rude. I can't speak to social norms where you live.

I wouldn't even dream of treating another person so indifferently if I had even the slightest respect for them. I'm a USMC ver and nobody has ever accused me of not take charge, but being polite and considerate is also a thing.

TheBunk_TB · 2021-02-02T20:56:56+00:00

No, you aren't crazy but our society is often giving men the idea that women don't want that.

ihopemewingworks · 2021-02-02T22:49:02+00:00

I personally would be put of on that, unless he asked would you prefer this or this I'd say that's okay but I think a strong guy would just choose something or at least when you first meet. I think in a relationship it's more normal for it to be more of a conversation. Also I know for example some men are less picky then women, so I'm pickier than my bf and usually he just says do you want to go and get this but sometimes he also just say do you want to order takeout and then say what would you want, since he knows I have more preferences. But if it's not your bf yet I'd be put of by that because you want to see his leadership, I think it's hard to get the right dynamic if it starts with a man asking what do you want to do.

Maybe you can go on the date and see how assertive he is, and if he quite assertive it might be okay 😊

myrrhh · 2021-02-03T05:08:44+00:00

You're not crazy...

It sounds like he hasn't actually asked you out, he just asked when you're free. Now you have to wait and see if he will actually try to make a plan with you. But I agree, if a guy doesn't take charge like that with initiating the first date, that is a turn off for me and I just move on.

aussiedollface2 · 2021-02-03T02:36:39+00:00

OP we need more info. What did you write back and what was his subsequent replies? If he was just trying to gauge a general idea then followed up with a specific suggestion then I literally see zero problem with that xo

JadedByEntropy · 2021-02-03T01:30:56+00:00

YTA Calm down its just some dude on the internet. You don't even know if you like him yet.

Crazy

Title	Am I crazy?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	0
Comments	23
Date	February 2, 2021 8:17 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/lb5aac/am_i_crazy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/am-i-crazy.744057 https://theredarchive.com/post/744057

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