Anyone else’s father encouraged masculinity? TW

throwawaytalks25 · 2024-11-19T14:52:08+00:00

I'm sorry for your experiences OP.

My father did encourage me to be able to take care of myself, but not in an abusive or abandoning way. He did not want me to ever be stuck in a relationship because I had no choice or couldn't make it on my own.

Virtual-Interview-11 · 2024-11-19T20:38:23+00:00

I'm not sure why everyone else on this subreddit is being so harsh? I was too raised in this way but converted to Catholicism and it helped me really learn to be feminine. I decided to leave my family and environment to heal and become a new person. My family was a very unstable one where crazy dramatic things were always happening and people were always in and out. My dad barely glanced at me growing up so I can relate to the feeling of being abandoned.

Telling others to abandon you during an abusive relationship is next level messed up and it is clear to me he failed as a father. Of course mothers are supposed to teach you about femininity but men are supposed to respect your feminine nature so it can blooms. I can't imagine recovering from this without Catholicism tbh.

Zoe_Rae · 2024-11-19T22:45:37+00:00

I’m so sorry this was your childhood, you deserved better

I don’t have a great relationship with my father. Matter of fact I went no contact years ago and I’ve made peace with it

I’ve managed to rest in my femininity and find my balance in a masculine man who is a wonderful protector + provider. Some suggestions:

Humanise your father, I’m not saying what he has done is right or even acceptable but understand that he is a human, a man before he is your father and things turned out like this for a reason. Probably his own unhealed trauma
Find a therapist you can stick with. It took me years to move on from who I wanted my father to be vs what I got + inner child work is incredible
No one can give you femininity. It’s already a part of you. Practice connecting with it and eventually it will be normal. Maybe through dance, self care, time with your girlfriends, meditation and sinking into your body vs your mind

Good luck! 🩷

statisticallyblessed · 2024-11-20T09:00:20+00:00

Mine's not from my father, but my mother. I grew up as a very angry tomboy. Hated "impracticality" and "emotions" in favor of "logic." I think everyone in my past would be surprised I'm a housewife now and even more "feminine" than all the girls I knew back then. Also, I remember responding to another post you made here. I hope you're doing better in your college environment.

I mentioned it in the other post, but I learned a lot about narcissistic abuse from Sam Vaknin and other materials online. I also like to meditate (I do a few weird Joe Dispenza ones on YouTube). I'm also into weird "manifestation" stuff. A lot of my anger was really just trauma from years and years of narcissistic abuse and codependency issues. A lot of my "masculinity" and "on edge-ness" was a twisted manifestation of my internal, fragile ego breaking and repairing itself haphazardly. I suspect you are dealing with something similar.

Give yourself time, a couple of years at least. Keep your chin up and just improve day by day. You will meet plenty of people who will trigger you and it is okay to feel triggered and remove yourself from situations you cannot/don't want to handle. It is okay to "make mistakes." It is okay to try and try again.

For me, I just kept envisioning my dream "future" self. Just kept asking myself if I would react a certain way, or even react at all. Ask yourself how desperate you are to heal and live "your dream." And don't let anyone or anything stop you. If some jackass is being stupid, just cut him/her out and move on. That's something I wish I did sooner with a lot of people instead of letting them push and push me into an emotional reaction...then tarnish my reputation when I freaked out/disagreed. I kept having to leave social groups too, but everything turned out waaaayy beyond okay. I seriously can't believe the life I'm living now. 26, stay-at-home-gf turned SAHM. Big house. Amazing husband. Lots of traveling.

Sometimes you just have the weird luck of being in an environment that isn't meant for you. Just keep hope that life has plans for you and is pushing you where it needs you to go. If I hadn't had all that crazy drama when I was younger, if my home life wasn't such a wreck, I 100000% would not have met my husband (and baby) and that genuinely scares me to my core. In some weird way, the present you are living now and the lessons you are learning today will unfold another purpose in the future.

There is no real strength when your psyche is begging to heal. When you start healing, "femininity" will come naturally. Your real self will bloom.

This is not who you are -- it is who your father (or whoever else) made you into. You are not your past or your childhood. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. It is your lesson to learn now to see through others' illusions and carve out your own truth.

CountTheBees · 2024-11-19T23:49:24+00:00

Can't really relate, I just had a regular independent career woman phase. But can you try the standard feminizing advice we give here?

always say yes (eg, if anyone asks, "would you like help with that?", "would you like to hang out?")
ask for help sometimes, even if you could do it on your own. Eg it's reaching things from tall shelves for me. I could stand on a chair, or I could ask my partner. This is humbling and also pleasant to receive help (once you get over the "I feel guilty for not being independent" phase). You can do this with strangers at the store! Pointing out that men are taller or stronger than you goes down well with them most of the time.
always be grateful, say thankyou and smile (beam!) when someone does something for you or compliments you. Don't self deprecate or play it down or make excuses. I had to force myself to do this so you can imagine how I was reacting before and how unpleasant it was for someone to help me!
gratitude journalling every day, dwelling on nice things and being thankful for things others have done for you. Sometimes you'll be grateful for things men have done and that should go some way to repairing your trust in them.

Ok_Obligation_6110 · 2024-11-19T14:24:27+00:00

I had a similar upbringing. I’m not sure your family back friend but my dad basically took over the vast majority of my parenting from 11 onward and I don’t have much at all of a relationship with my mother. I think my dad knew life was going to be hard for me since I didn’t have a mother I could rely on or feel safe with, so he felt like he was protecting me by teaching me how to be stronger and more resilient. The only time I’ve seen my dad soften up was when I got married and became a mother, I think he felt he could finally ‘relax’ and not worry so much about me.

I think you need to reframe your thinking because you don’t know that those fathers you’re comparing yours to aren’t spoiling their daughters to the point of it being a bad thing? They’re not protecting their daughters by doing everything for them in life and coddling them from the real world, they’re doing them a disservice. A father will protect his children by setting them up to become competent and self assured adults.

Do I blame my dad for this? No. He grew up with only brothers in an era where softness wasn’t a virtue in men. It’s not his responsibility as a man to teach me about my femininity. It was my mother’s and she screwed that up. How could I possibly be upset with my father for setting me up for success the best way he knew how? Do you feel like you can turn to your father for advice and truly trust what he has to say? Who would you call first if your car broke down and you didn’t know how to fix it? Who would you turn to if you dated a guy who turned out to be a POS?

I would challenge you to actually learn from your father about self sufficiency and teach yourself about femininity. I spent hours and hours as a teen and early 20s girl searching about skincare, beauty, and fashion because I didn’t have my mother teaching me. I had to learn from friends and their mothers relationships and relationship dynamics. I made many a dating error but I think men generally sympathized and felt even more protective of my femininity when I was able to open up to them about my background. You’re not doomed by your background. You’re way too young and your real life is only just starting.

AutoModerator · 2024-11-19T08:15:25+00:00

Title: Anyone else’s father encouraged masculinity? TW

Author Least_Elk_9532

Full text: This has been something I’ve been grappling with for the past 2 years. I’m 22/f, in college. I’ve decided to go nun mode for a variety of reasons, such as getting my mental health together and overall improvement of myself. There is something I’ve discovered recently about myself however…

I’ve never felt protected by my dad and I think it has really been messing up my ability to connect with men. I notice girls around me who have active fathers were often given princess treatment, adored by their fathers, treated softly, etc. and I joke with my friends that my dad raised me like a Spartan soldier.

But there really is truth to it. My dad has always taught me how to survive and protect myself, whether that meant telling my family to abandon me during An abusive relationship so I could get stronger “alone”, teaching me how to not show emotions to others, or never helping me even when he has the ability to so I can become more resilient. Most of my childhood was spent arguing with my dad. I never really understood why until his mom, or my gma, recently told me that he could never love me as he should because I am a female, and to him we will never be strong enough to be worthy.

I used to think this made me stronger and better than other women but I realize it has truly messed me up in a lot of ways. I’ve spoken with a therapist, who told me I have internal hate and shame about being a woman in large part because of my upbringing. I find myself disliking men a lot, in fact I get defensive immediately around them, like a bodily reaction. It’s always been like this since I was a child so I’ve learned to stop blaming my dating experiences.

Idk what to do I feel like I’m doomed to forever be unable to reach that femininity inside of me without feeling weak and vulnerable because it’s not “strong”. Does anyone have any testimony of going through something similar and developing out of it? Please share , I want hope

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chxcolatewings · 2024-12-01T04:45:27+00:00

I can relate to having a father that encouraged masculinity and independence from me. I have a brother, but he was never particularly helpful, so I became my father's honorary 'son.' I was the child he called on to help him build or fix things, and I was also the one he placed high academic and career expectations on. I spent much of my childhood as a tomboy and viewed feminine things as frivolous and idiotic. Breaking free from that mindset was incredibly challenging.

Another commenter mentioned this, but I was also once into Law of Attraction and visualization techniques. I began imagining the ideal, feminine version of myself and asking questions like, 'How would she dress?' and 'How would she act?' Then, I consciously started embodying those traits. In a way, I embraced the 'fake it till you make it' approach, and then I made it.

SquirrelofLIL · 2024-11-19T12:10:41+00:00

Yes. My dad encouraged me to be masculine af and so did my mom. My mom knew nothing about femininity. I'm 43f and will never get a boyfriend.

RedPillDad · 2024-11-19T16:21:57+00:00

Most of my childhood was spent arguing with my dad.

You're putting this on your dad? You seem to be combative by nature, like a feral cat in survival mode. Combative people carry around a metaphoric sword and shield, seeing every encounter as hostile. Their posture is defensive and they're prone to lashing out at the slightest provocation. The stories they tell themselves keep them positioned as the noble victim. They'll have a hard time moving forward if they can't let go of those stories.

Femininity means embracing your weakness and vulnerability instead of rejecting it. You become soft and pliable instead of rigid and tough. It may not appeal to you at first, but it appeals to men. Attraction isn't symmetrical, so don't push to become more of the thing you're attracted to.

You can incrementally grow your femininity, it doesn't have to be a cold-turkey 180 degree shift. It also doesn't need to become your dominant trait. Think of it as a weakness that can gradually be strengthened to the point it's no longer a liability.

You'll find your femininity easier to access once you have a supportive partner who has your back. You're only 22 and you can still reinvent yourself.

Title	Anyone else’s father encouraged masculinity? TW
Author	Least_Elk_9532
Upvotes	30
Comments	37
Date	November 19, 2024 8:15 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1gusehw/anyone_elses_father_encouraged_masculinity_tw/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/anyone-elses-father-encouraged-masculinity-tw.1536206 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536206

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