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Back to Basics

dalls18 · 2016-04-25T18:17:38+00:00

http://hubpages.com/relationships/Why-Women-are-Frustrated-and-Confused-about-Men-and-Dating Hello Fellow Ladies, I came across this article and found it...

dalls18

April 25, 2016

11 upvotes

/r/RedPillWomen

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Post Information

Title	Back to Basics
Author	dalls18
Upvotes	11
Comments	15
Date	April 25, 2016 6:17 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4gemkj/back_to_basics/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/back-to-basics.86143 https://theredarchive.com/post/86143

Comments

[–]WildHoneyChild2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

I'm curious about what you all think about the idea that living with a man before marriage is giving him the benefits of a wife without the commitment... It seems to me that you shouldn't be "withholding" things like domestic duties until you're married, and that a man is less likely to want to commit/marry you before he sees the full package, not just "oh I promise I'll do this after we get married".

But then I can understand some people saying "why would a man want to marry you if he's already getting all of that?" and that for him, marriage would entail a lot more risk and not much benefit. I understand that, but most of us want to get married, so therein lies the problem. Do you think that the type of man who would think that way, and be hesitant to commit to marriage while living with you, just isn't the right one to begin with?

[–]Trucks_N_Chainsaws6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Preface - We were long-distance acquaintances for about five years. Nothing romantic.
When I started seeing my SO, I was fresh out of the military and in my first civilian job. She was making more than me with less bills. I was literally eating on a budget of $3/day. The struggle was real. She showed me her true colors right from the jump by not only buying me groceries but by actually cooking me a weeks worth of delicious food. I'd wake up in the afternoon (night shift struggle) and she'd be there with all my clothes folded like, "Hey babe, I didn't want to wake you otherwise I'd have put this all away."
I didn't ask for any of it. She just did what she does.
Then I got laid off.
Two days later I nailed multiple interviews at a job fair. We'd only been together for six months at this point and it would've been easy enough to just walk away from our relationship if the new job was too far away. Then I got an offer letter that literally doubled my income but moved me four hours away. I was taking that job come hell or high water.
I remember sitting there at the tiki bar with her and wanting to tell her this great news for "me" but less than awesome news for "us". I told her I got a job offer paying double with potential to go to higher and that I had no choice but to accept.
Her reaction? She congratulated me on landing a job with a company that deserved me. She wasn't happy about the "us" part but was happy to see me with this amazing opportunity. It was right there in that moment, without any real forethought or planning, I asked her to move away with me. She asked if I was sure. I was.
That was almost nine years ago.
She gave me her best when I was dead-broke and fucked up. I've clocked at least $160k a year for the last six years and just bought a multi-unit apartment building. I know she's not here for the money. She made that clear from day 1. I even supported her after she got laid off a few years later and I kept us afloat while she went back to school.
TL;DR - SO gave me 100% from the beginning and I've kept her for nine years. By giving less, you are going to die alone with cats.

[–]WildHoneyChild2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]code5fun1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]FleetingWishEndorsed Contributor4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]WildHoneyChild7 points8 points9 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]missaudreyhorne3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]0leanderr0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]dalls18[S] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

I have thought about this a lot previously and also when I read the article.

It seems to me that you shouldn't be "withholding" things like domestic duties until you're married, and that a man is less likely to want to commit/marry you before he sees the full package, not just "oh I promise I'll do this after we get married".

I totally agree with this.

I don't know if there is a right answer or solution cause I think it just comes down to a case by case basis. Some couples will end up living together and marry, others won't. I think it probably comes down to the discussions you have with your man and the type of man he is in general, and of course the type of woman you are. His standpoint on commitment is important because it's one of the things that will ultimately determine his standpoint on marriage, the ultimate relationship commitment.

[–]WildHoneyChild0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ElfFey1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]WildHoneyChild2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]AFPJTRP Endorsed0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you think that the type of man who would think that way, and be hesitant to commit to marriage while living with you, just isn't the right one to begin with?

The million dollar question is how strongly correlated (if at all) people's long-term compatibility is in relation to their preferences and principles during initial courting when things are most "heated" and "brittle", so to speak. It's easy to introduce too much friction into the process from either side of the gender gap and break everything for 2 otherwise good matches from either side of the gender gap ("she won't fuck on the first date, next" vs "no ring in a year? bye").

A solid approach would probably be to look at the business world here.

You'd never buy a car you couldn't shift past second gear during a test drive unless you were a total idiot.
Likewise, you'd never buy a car if you could take it for a test drive every day & use it for daily commuting.

The optimal choice is likely "try free for 30 days, then buy or gtfo" - it's the only decent compromise. What does that mean? One that would work if everyone in the world adopted it. It's a good middle ground, unlike fully female-centric strategies (which probably only work on males of significantly relatively lower value) or fully male-centric ones (same).

[–]WildHoneyChild0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]code5fun0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link