Communicating without nagging?

Mastros34 · 2015-01-15T00:49:03+00:00

Instead of being passive aggressive just let something stay out and when he wants it say "Sorry babe I had to throw it out because I found it left out and it started to smell." Once you do that enough (varying a bit) he'll be conditioned every time he gets food to put it away so he doesn't get hungry or that's the hope.

Edit: This way your not directly blaming him, he doesn't see your upset instead he realizes he's going to be hungry now. And you can add "I'll go get you some more from the store but I'm not sure if it's in our budget." He shouldn't want to make you have to do more work for his mistake and it will further encourage him.

JackGoldsteinWrites · 2015-01-15T17:50:51+00:00

Sometimes nagging is exactly what is needed. Ask him if he is willing to be reminded to do this properly, in order to save money. Link it to his life goals of saving / being free of debt/ etc. If he agrees, tell him you will have to remind him a lot until the habit "sticks". Get your nagging pre-approved.

This is what I actually do with my girlfriend. She has permission to nag me on the following:

Going to bed on time (I'm terrible at this, often get lost in a book, wikipedia, movies, etc., way past bed time)
Recycling stuff
Turning off lights before leaving (save $$)
Putting saran wrap on open food (me and Saran wrap don't get along).
Waking up early enough to get to work (sometimes hard due to first bullet)

If he disagrees, and shows no inclination, no amount of nagging is going to make a difference so pick another battle.

"Nagging" has a negative connotation because most women do it to excess. It is however a valid and useful function of the female personality if channeled for improvement -as is ANY OTHER capacity.

You guys (ladies) have to stop seeing everything in black and white. OVER-nagging is bad.

S1ayer · 2015-01-15T16:45:22+00:00

Can't really speak for everyone, but I respond best to something like:

Hey, when you do X could you please do Y? Otherwise Z will happen.

Request, followed by please, followed by logical reason. If a man doesn't respond to logic, there's another problem with him.

Profound_Shit · 2015-01-15T02:01:47+00:00

That just seems really lazy or absent minded on his part. I'm a guy and I can't stand nagging, but that almost deserves nagging. Even a five year old can put food away.

[deleted] · 2015-01-15T20:03:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

valleycupcake · 2015-01-15T00:53:41+00:00

Hats off to you, that would be a hard one for me. Keep in mind that it's possible that things are still good but just gross you out. E.g. milk left out overnight is probably not going to make you sick if you use it the next morning. There are plenty of things like that with my SO where he is messy, and I have to remind myself that he is not "wrong" and I am not "right;" we just have different standards of what kinds of living conditions are acceptable.

That said, if it's money keeping you from being okay with whatever he does in that regard, you could approach it with recognition of him as a leader by asking to go over the budget. Then you could mention that you might be able to save money on food if you guys work to preserve it better by putting it away more quickly. If he doesn't want to do that, it's a budgetary decision he made knowing that a small action could save him money. If he agrees, he will probably be receptive to an occasional respectful reminder.

Just my 2c; I'm eager to see replies from more experienced RPW as well.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-01-15T03:37:19+00:00

Just got done talking to SO about this. Something else you can do is keep a running tally of an estimated cost of the food that is going to waste. Sometimes people don't realize how big the problem is until it is something they can visibly put a number to. Sit him down and talk to him about it. I need to talk to you. We are wasting a lot of money because food is getting left out and going bad. This is how much we have wasted this week/month. I really need your help, because this eats into the budget and reduces the money that we can use for other important things.

Do not use this as your first method. Only use this if it is a consistent problem that occurs for months with no resolution as it can come across as aggressive. Do not write down everything and give exact numbers rough estimates are going to be better and feel less aggressive. Be non-confrontational when doing this, but also be honest about what an issue it is. If he is okay with it once you've done this then don't worry about it. If he isn't gentle reminders for a while are going to be okay.

Aine_of_knockaine · 2015-01-15T01:33:59+00:00

The thing with nagging is that a lot of it depends on how important it is, the tone, and whether or not it sounds like you're blaming the person.

I think you could tell him more than once hey baby, we really need to put the food away after we use it so it doesn't go bad. We won't be able to stay within the budget if we waste food.

Use "i" speak for this. Instead of using the word you which can place blame say we. Make it a group effort. You will both do it. Make sure that you say why it's important that you both remember to do so. No one likes wasting money.

My SO doesn't mind me repeating issues as long as they are issues and it's done so in a way that is non-confrontational. However, my partner and I are both naturally forgetful so we often remind each other of things in this gentle manner. So YMMV with this approach.

You can leave these items out and when he wants them say I'm sorry I had to throw it away. It was left out and started to smell. After a while he'll remember to put things away because he'll remember those times that he didn't and he didn't have food for a snack.

wendy-fly · 2015-01-17T02:18:07+00:00

I'm a big fan of just talking to him. Say it simply, respectfully, clearly, and without that horrible tone that we ladies can get. Ask him what you should do about it and then take his advice. Something like, "Hey honey, now that I'm making dinner, I've noticed that you tend to leave food out after making a snack. Sometimes it goes stale or bad before I notice it to put it away. What would you like done about this?" and then shut up. (I tend to want to blather on like, "and I'm totally not upset with you, everyone can be forgetful sometimes, it's really not a big deal, I just don't want to go over food budget because I'm trying to be a good money manager on and on and on and on...".)

I respectfully disagree with many of the other suggestions here. There are a lot of people suggesting what seems manipulative or like you are trying to condition him. I don't believe that calmly stating a problem you, as first officer, has noticed is nagging. You are requesting him to lead and help you with a problem.

ironyblood · 2015-01-15T09:52:57+00:00

Looks like he isn't providing for you financially. Thats what I'm reading.

Title	Communicating without nagging?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	26
Date	January 15, 2015 12:36 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/2sgo78/communicating_without_nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/communicating-without-nagging.166025 https://theredarchive.com/post/166025

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