Completely nonexistent dating life. How can I change this?

StrangestUnicorn · 2023-09-18T05:06:06+00:00

Hey, you have made almost exact same post 3 months, 7 months and 9 months ago.

Two recurring pieces of advice you seem to ignore:

Stop saying that your boyfriend broke up with you just because of your looks. As I have mentioned in my answer to your previous post, your insecurities about your appearance are likely a much larger obstacle to your dating prospects than your physical appearance itself. And even if it's true that your boyfriend was not attracted to you, you should still stop saying this to yourself and to others, because it only worsens your own self-esteem further. I am genuinely concerned that this is the narrative you keep telling yourself for over a year now. It's just not good for you.
Start using dating apps. If your friends claim that using dating apps is "crazy" and "desperate", you need new friends. For dating success, you need to do what is effective, not what your friend's juvenile sensibilities consider acceptable. If you really want to "prove" to yourself that you can attract a man in person, so be it! Don't stop socializing. But also do not let it stop you from expanding your horizons. Set dates from dating apps just to practice being on dates if nothing else. These are valuable years in your life, you should not let peer pressure limit your options.

That's it. Please please promise me you will take these points more seriously this time.

LiteratureOk7716 · 2023-09-18T07:09:24+00:00

You write:

I know so many guys IRL from my social circles that I would totally date.

Ask them if they know anyone who is available. Finding a mate is a team effort, so is making a marriage last (and with a husband whose parents had 21 siblings between them, don't I know this).

If you "would totally date" them, you should be blunt with them, e.g., "Hey Paul (or whatever the guy's name is), I like the way you behaviour-goes-here, I'm having a tough time meeting gentlemen like you, would you mind introducing me to some of your friends?" The boldfaced text is critical. You're putting yourself in a position where he can help you.

Guys need ego validation as well. They don't get as much of it in society. And it is very easy to do. Best of luck and I'll be checking in with you in 2 weeks to see how you are getting on.

You got this.

EquivalentHuman7658 · 2023-09-18T18:43:44+00:00

I love my hubby and being married but to be desperate to get married at 20 without a certain who in sight is slightly strange .

LeicaRedEye · 2023-09-18T10:28:59+00:00

Ask your friends to introduce you to their friends

scarletcapsule · 2023-09-18T17:52:26+00:00

Start working out, lifting weights, eating well, and taking better care of yourself.

LateralThinker13 · 2023-09-18T19:51:58+00:00

You can't catch a fish when you don't throw the line in, and the bigger the pond, the better the chances.

IOW go introduce yourself to men, the more the better, in places where men of worth congregate. Your church, chamber of commerce, athletic activities, etc. Put yourself out there.

Mighty_Wombat42 · 2023-09-19T00:24:00+00:00

First off, stop letting comments from high school boys influence your self esteem as an adult. I was a bit chubby in high school, but you know who got called fat more than I did? The girl with an eating disorder who was dangerously underweight. No one actually thought she was fat, but she would get very upset if someone said that to her, and there were a group of immature and/or cruel boys and girls who thought that was funny. It’s good to be realistic, but you don’t want to “black pill” yourself. For a moment, ignore the issue of whether you are actually attractive. Are there things you could do to feel more confident in yourself? To look better? Are they reasonable and possible to do? (Not damaging to your health or out of your budget.) If so, why not do them and see how you feel?

As for meeting guys, ask your married friends to set you up in a blind date. Go to a different church once in a while (a bigger church, a bigger town, a different denomination if you’re open to that). Join Christian student groups. Get involved in different activities in your church and other churches. If you get invited to a Bible study or prayer group or whatever, try it at least once. Go to a conference or retreat. Pray about it and ask others to pray for you. Volunteer. Be aware that Christianity has a bit of a gender imbalance with more single women than men, it’s been that way since Ancient Rome for various reasons. But not all those women want to marry so don’t give up hope. Just consider being open to a man who is Christian but not a church member, or one who is interested in the faith but not super active yet. And make sure you’re not rejecting men for superficial reasons.

rykergreylex · 2023-09-23T20:56:15+00:00

Maybe don't just date only Christians? If you only dated people of the same religion and race you are severely limiting yourself.

Also I'll be honest, dating with Tradcons can be hard.

Use dating applications and have lower requirements.

Use a bit of common sense men will date women from every country around the world but you won't date non Christians? Come on now....

Also I do not believe that you cannot use Tinder or bumble and swipe right and not get at least a hundred matches within a week 😂

Emotional_Ad_6934 · 2023-09-18T15:48:48+00:00

I am also someone who hates my nose. Save money and get surgery to fix it. As soon as I move out of my parents house I’m getting rhinoplasty

AutoModerator · 2023-09-18T04:34:49+00:00

Title: Completely nonexistent dating life. How can I change this?

Full text: Hello RPW! I am 20 years old and want to get married extremely badly. However, I have never been asked out on a date in my entire life. I only started putting more effort into my appearance about a year ago (grew my hair out, light makeup, wear mostly dresses/skirts now), thinking it would yield some results. Recently I have shown interest in guys I've liked, but it's never gone well. I'm just feeling discouraged and was wondering if anyone had any advice for me.

I do have one ex boyfriend (we met online), but it's been well over a year since that relationship ended. He ended things solely because he wasn't physically attracted enough to me. I am already a very insecure person, but that breakup permanently damaged how I view myself. I was called ugly in high school by multiple guys, so there's that too. It's been difficult, but I am slowly coming to terms with the reality that dating will be harder for me compared to other women, simply because I lack physical beauty. My worst feature/main point of insecurity is my large nose with a bump on it, so it's not something that's changeable like weight (my weight is fine).

I moved across the country for college over a year ago, and I had high hopes that I would find somebody after one entire year. Boy, I was wrong. After a year of living in a new state and everything, I've STILL never been asked out. College isn't exactly the place to look for potential husbands, but I am sticking strictly to Christian circles. I have a decent sized social circle, I know a lot of guys between the church and the campus ministry that I attend, so it's not like I'm under socialized or anything.

My friends (mostly married women from my church) tell me I'm beautiful, but I feel like they say this because they're being nice and they feel sorry for me. They are aware of how badly I want to be married and how hard it's been staying (involuntarily) single. They also know why my ex ended things with me. If I really was beautiful, I don't think I'd be getting friendzoned by multiple guys, and I definitely would've been asked out on at least ONE date by now :(

I am starting to think that online dating sites (Christian ones) are my only hope at this point. I have friends who've been in similar predicament where they simply could not attract guys in real life, but were able to find somebody online. I was really hoping not to have to go online to look for a husband, as I know so many guys IRL from my social circles that I would totally date. I also wanted to prove to myself that I'm "capable" of attracting a guy in real life, if that makes sense. Unfortunately, none of my guy friends IRL are interested in me though, and only see me as a friend. Not too long ago, I was brutally friendzoned by a guy I had REALLY liked for a long time, which really hurt me and made me too scared to try again in person.

Does anyone have suggestions on how to broaden my opportunities for meeting guys in real life? Or should I just try online dating sites? Everyone in my social circle seems super against online dating, they all tell me that I'd be "crazy" or "desperate" if I began to look for a guy online. So should I just ignore them and look for a guy where I'd have the easiest time finding one?

Thank you so much to anyone who read this far! I've just been really sad and frustrated over my dating situation, and it's so easy to feel like something is wrong with me. Any advice helps :)

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Far-Alps9067 · 2023-10-14T20:18:22+00:00

Trust that you know when you hear an objective assessment of your attractiveness and when someone is blowing smoke up your ass to indulge you (ie., your lady friends).

This leads to an accurate self assessment. With this, you can determine the upper limit of quality that you can expect to attract on the dating market and you’ll know you aren’t categorically wasting your time.

This is all about mate attraction, of course. It has less to do with who you learn they are as a person and vice versa (thats another set of binoculars).

Title	Completely nonexistent dating life. How can I change this?
Author	rpc_e
Upvotes	15
Comments	20
Date	September 18, 2023 4:34 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16lltrq/completely_nonexistent_dating_life_how_can_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/completely-nonexistent-dating-life-how-can-i.1232201 https://theredarchive.com/post/1232201

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