Confused!

Aragorns-Wifey · 2018-01-03T02:32:13+00:00

I wasn't there obviously but a man who routinely jokes about dumping a fairly new girlfriend sounds like a narcissist? Which is a person who is virtually impossible to build a good relationship with.

Like a man who threatens all the time to divorce his wife. I mean that is just not cool.

Rivkariver · 2018-01-03T19:38:29+00:00

He was incredibly charming... He would joke about dumping me all the time.

No. That's not charming.

Since then, I've been on dates but I end up comparing every guy with him.

You should. He was an ass. Don't go for guys like him.

Are there really men that are both charming and loyal or should I just give up?

There are, but they aren't usually 6' tall with a full head of hair and a body like Thor. Those guys know what they've got and what it can get them and they use it accordingly.

Read the book "Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough." No, really. Read it. It's all about how the good guys go unnoticed by women who think they can do better.

NubianIbex · 2018-01-03T08:31:59+00:00

Men who are Chads/Alphas, by nature or by nurture (TRP), know how to play into a woman's psyche. Be better than that. Charm is in the eye of the beholder. Try to tap into your inner belief system and understand why you find certain behaviors charming and attractive. You may realize that it stems from unresolved issues with yourself. Resolving them, you will vet differently.

Personal tale - I used to be charmed by men of stoic, rational and emotionally detached demeanor. Without properly realizing it, I believed that displaying feelings and being guided by your emotions are signs of weakness. I strove to fulfill those unattainable "ideals" myself, and was attracted to men who to me seemed like they could. Later I learned my views of strength of character in general, and masculine strength in particular are skewed and mostly unhealthy. I now believe that being aware of your emotions and embedding them into your life choices are signs of strength, and vet accordingly. That's actually one of the aspects I admire most about my Captain.

viper8472 · 2018-01-03T20:24:38+00:00

Charming men can come on very strong. What you need to do is see persistent, consistent interest over Weeks and months, not days. And good men don’t “neg” women to make them feel insecure by joking about leaving. If you wait to get sexual with a guy (but still show interest, affection, fun, flirtation!) you can wait out the charming facade if it is indeed a facade. He will lose interest in you if he is a game player and you’re not putting out. Then you can consider yourself lucky.

Remember, consistent interest over time. Coming on really strong may be a red flag, only way to Check is to make them wait. A good guy will totally wait for a high value woman. A narcissistic game-player will drop you so fast if you keep your foot gently on the brakes while remaining fun flirty and interested. Good luck!

jelau143 · 2018-01-04T05:20:32+00:00

Lol, I had to look it up. Honestly, all these terms - plate, HB, alpha widow, SO, SMV - left me feeling used and disgusted.

vintagegirlgame · 2018-01-03T22:39:23+00:00

The hot/cold thing had you hooked to the emotional ups/down. Guys at TRP explain that it's like emotional crack for women. We like to FEEL things when we're with a man and we're not always careful/aware if the feelings are good or bad. If the intensity is there it's enough to keep you coming back for more.

cmar777 · 2018-01-02T23:42:31+00:00

Dear confused, write down on a paper all the qualities that you like about those guy and develop them in yourself. you are attracted to what you lack and make you feel complete. when you develop some of those characteristic in yourself then you will find someone that will really make you happy.

labelleindifference · 2018-01-03T00:33:53+00:00

I know a few, but they would never joke about dumping their SO. Also, they are usually charming because they're very at ease with themselves so you feel end up feeling comfortable in their presence, but they might not plan the perfect date since they don't spend all of their time thinking about how to woo women the way some players do.

one-thousand-cranes · 2018-01-03T00:34:52+00:00

Of course there are. You know it, too. Don't be discouraged if you haven't found one yet.

The better questions are: What can you do to better embody the traits these charming and loyal guys will be attracted to, and how can you quickly tell the difference between the kind of guy you want to invest in and the kind you don't?

sonder_one · 2018-01-03T04:24:01+00:00

That DOES sound exactly like what TRP coaches men to do.

And you are here to proclaim to us all that it works on you.

Rivkariver · 2018-01-05T22:16:35+00:00

OP I don't really like the terms alpha and beta, but basically you want a man who has enough leadership traits to be attractive and reliable, but enough relational and loyalty traits to be there for you. Just the former types will be a flash in the pan fling, and the latter types might not have that spark. Find you a man who can do both...

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2018-01-03T04:24:09+00:00

You are aloha widowed. Why did he dump you?

Title	Confused!
Author	jelau143
Upvotes	10
Comments	25
Date	January 2, 2018 11:35 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7nqfzb/confused/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/confused.74029 https://theredarchive.com/post/74029

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