Dating a guy with a kid?

aresta · 2014-07-03T06:54:31+00:00

Making a couple mistakes here, first you are on Tinder, you aren't going to find the most relationship oriented men on there. Second you are on Tinder, he likely won't view you as relationship material either.

The only team I think women should try to go for men with kids is if they are a single parent themselves, or if they are 30+.

LibbyCarrots · 2014-07-03T18:06:01+00:00

Having married a man who has a child, I will say what no one said to me: this will affect everything in your whole life, in ways you can't even fathom until you're right in the middle of it.

Also, I was not warned of my husband's ex's level of CRAZY until I was already married.

It's. . .it's a long row to hoe, is what I'm saying. I've been lurking and reading for a long time here, and RPW says often it's about giving women options, and also, I would say, an education in regard to the consequences of their actions.

Well, some of the consequences might be:

Limiting the amount of kids you have since a HUGE swath of his resources are going to the ex, and their kid.

Limiting EVERYTHING because of limited resources.

Husband's family siding with crazy ex, even helping ex emotionally abuse him, out of fear she will turn on them and restrict access to grandchild.

Husband's family keeping emotional distance from your child, for fear of ex's retaliation in form of removing grandchild they already love.

Possibly being the subject of gossip and lies, which was tough for me. That's all I'll say about that. If the mean girls ever lied and gossiped about you in high school, remember that feeling, then multiply it to a million, then imagine those lies going through your family and his family instead of just the a-holes at school. Yeah.

Most important and most painful: your man's grief of his family being ripped apart, and being basically demoted in his child's life. This depends on the circumstances, of course, but our state STRONGLY favors mothers over fathers, and his ex comes from a wealthy family. He basically had no choice and no say.

Tip of the ice burg. And I'm not saying I wouldn't do it all over again! My husband is THE BEST and I ADORE him. Buuut I wish I could have gone into this situation with eyes wide open. I wish someone had told me the realities of "blended families", or at least the worst case scenario. All I heard was, "Well, when you have a couple of your own, none of this will matter so much!" Pardon my language, but BLLSHT!

If you pursue anything with this man, go in with your eyes open.

_wingnut_ · 2014-07-03T13:03:14+00:00

Single fathers are the exact opposite of single mothers.

The only red flag about them is as with anyone there may be drama and baggage with an ex that you won't find with someone who's neve rhad kids.

Ob1Kn00b · 2014-07-03T21:51:43+00:00

The fact that he has a son isn't remotely a red flag. The fact that you're using Tinder to try and find a LTR is an exercise in futility, though.

And if you're using it to just try and find a bunch of quick fucks, I don't think you've grasped at the knowledge provided here.

Butterflyskirt · 2014-07-03T07:09:41+00:00

From my limited knowledge, Tinder has a reputation of being a "hook-up" app. So perhaps it's not the best way to meet the right men?

There are a lot of factors to consider when dating a guy with a kid, which complicate things: Do you want your own family with him;Does HE want more kids? Are you ok with the child's mother always (presumably) being a part his life? How/why did the relationship with the mother end?..

venusfelix · 2014-07-03T06:00:20+00:00

I would never do this, not worth it with plenty of guys without kids out there.

MeowZedong- · 2014-07-03T07:42:25+00:00

It would be a red flag for me because it opens the door to lots of questions-what's his relationship like with the kid? With the mom? What happened to make him and mom break up? And plus, it'd tinder haha. Like others commented, he probably doesn't have high expectations of you because you're using a hook up app.

HappyWifeLife · 2014-07-03T16:22:30+00:00

Forget about him for a second and answer me this

Do you have anything to offer his child if he were to ask you to be a part of that child's life.
Can you defer to his decisions with regards to dealing with that child and that child's mother?

If the answer to either of these is no, then you should leave a father and his child alone and move on.

tofeelforever · 2014-07-03T12:29:12+00:00

Baby mama drama is a real thing so just be prepared to deal with that.

squishles · 2014-07-03T14:12:39+00:00

He probably wants a mommy for his kid, and/or a woman for himself. Are you happy with that? Do you want your own kids? It's not recommended for men, because most aren't happy with that, and don't want to raise someone elses kids.

The tinder thing is questionable, has he specified he wants long term? He's a dad, unlikely he wants to be plate flipping around his kid too much. Could also be a fresh divorce and he wants to take it out on casual sex though.

Many women will want their own kids and for those kids to come first. More kids, you can probably get that, putting your kids first may not happen. Some women are also entirely freaked out by pregnancy or are infertile, but still want to be mothers; if this is you, fuck yea, shortcut! :p

Also baby mama drama, even if she doesn't interfere comes last ect, she'll always have some presence. And if he has custody, he's fought hard for that, that kid will come first for him.

MrsKittenHeel · 2014-07-03T22:32:14+00:00

I personally would be ok with it. I have a godson who I love a lot and I can see how it would be easy to take on a parental role, though before he came along I would have found it hard to imagine. You will probably really enjoy it :)

The fact you found him on Tinder on the other hand might mean this guy just wants casual sex anyway.

shitaintworthit · 2014-07-03T10:20:57+00:00

I'd stay away from a woman who used Tinder in the past.

2014-07-03T09:03:07+00:00

Firstly, Tinder has a reputation for being a hook up app so, I don't know about that. There are exceptions to every rule of course(I met my SO off Craigslist) but how often does that happen?

2nd, having kids isn't necessarily a red flag(mine has two).

If he is involved in his kid's life; if it's clear that he is over his ex; if he balances his time with you and with the kid appropriately; if he is keen on introducing to the kid; if he wants/doesn't want any more kids and you're both on the same page early in the relationship... Then it's not a red flag.

2014-07-03T14:29:42+00:00

Having dated and married a man with two children, I say check it out first. If he is still married and going through a divorce, no go until it's said and done. I met my husband and moved in a few weeks later while they were going through a divorce and it was not pretty.

That being said, I love his kids like they were my own, and I have one so I know what that feels like. I cry when they hurt, I am sad that eventually they will be married and have families of their own and I won't get to see them as much. When my husband and I were separated, I cried my eyes out with just the possibility that I wouldn't be able to see them again, it was like someone ripped my heart out. There is a boundary you cannot cross, though. I am not their mother so big decisions, of course, are made by my husband and the ex, who by the way I have made a great effort in getting along with to keep things going smoothly.

I knew though, when I saw how awesome of a dad my husband was, that he would be awesome when we decided to have kids also, and that panned out nicely.

teeheeteeheedurr · 2014-07-03T11:35:06+00:00

I made that mistake once, I ended up with a stalker, I'd never ever do it again.

Plenty of high quality men with no children/childfree out there, you just have to be patient.

Oh and don't use tinder.

Title	Dating a guy with a kid?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	10
Comments	32
Date	July 3, 2014 5:46 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/29pwe5/dating_a_guy_with_a_kid/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dating-a-guy-with-a-kid.165562 https://theredarchive.com/post/165562

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