Do you ever take back a cheater?

muaposter1 · 2017-07-08T22:57:26+00:00

Drop him. If he has a need, he can masturbate. Having sex with another girl is completely disrespectful.

Run. Run as far as you can.

Banincoming · 2017-07-08T23:42:12+00:00

Years later, after you are married, when he gets horny again, it's cool if he cheats on you right?

g_e_m_anscombe · 2017-07-09T03:53:46+00:00

If you aren't yet married / don't have kids together, cheating is 100% a deal breaker. There is no reason to "work through things" if you don't have the commitment of marriage. Cheating is a sign he isn't worthy of that commitment.

If you're in a marriage, I think it would take a TON of repentance, hard work, and forgiveness to repair it after cheating. It depends a lot on your moral framework and the circumstances that led up to the cheating.

throwawayabay · 2017-07-08T22:38:32+00:00

Not married to him?

I'd drop him like yesterday. He's trash and doesn't respect you. Only unhealthy people cheat, period. You can't be a healthy person and cheat on someone else.

Case in point. My ex cheated on me last year (only difference is that we're married nearly 5 years at the time). I have held out for her for over a year now, hoping she would get healthy and return to her senses. We're heading towards divorce now, but during the past year, I haven't touched another woman. You don't think I've needed to get anything out of my system? I assume he is the one who told you that he needed to "get it out of his system". That's BS and you shouldn't fall for it. Point is that this guy has serious issues that he may never take the initiative to address, and you don't want to hang around waiting for him to maybe pull his head out of his ass.

Sorry to hear you've gone through this. Worst year of my life, by far, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It's even more difficult because of how much you say you love him.

Good luck.

Nawrat · 2017-07-09T08:51:34+00:00

Leave. Time is your biggest ally as a women whose SMV peak is high and early but short and declining. Someone who cheats means they didn't invest themselves enough into the relationship to risk losing it all and didn't bother about the other person's safety (STDs, potential unwanted pregnancy).

What applies for men also applies for women in this case

"Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was."

I know some guys will tell you that a man can sleep with many women and have feelings only for one, which is true. However I think in that case the man if he had value, he would be upfront about wanting an open relationship and not wasting another person's time before that other person invested themselves into relationship. Open relationship is not the same as cheating.

daisyskirt194 · 2017-07-08T22:49:31+00:00

It will happen again

mrHappyPotatoe · 2017-07-08T22:32:53+00:00

LDR's are not good ideas. Someoone always going to cheat. RP warns you about it.

My advice would be on either side that - dont put all the eggs into one basket.

Juk9876 · 2017-07-09T10:55:41+00:00

LDR is bad. In my opinion you only should consider to forgive cheating if you're already married and both of you are in a religious framework. I don't see how true repentance and forgiving could happen in a secular relationship.

Salohcin22 · 2017-07-09T00:42:37+00:00

Definitely not. this happens when someone's respect for their partner is less than their desire for sex with just about anyone, which is a pretty low bar if you ask me. If it happened once, it will happen again, especially if its a LTR. Unless you are soon going to be close together, there's no way this is getting better. Also, out of the guys I've met that are cheaters, they end up having 0 compassion for the girls. I don't understand it at all but they seem like they regard women as a number or an object instead of people. I can't figure it out, but my interactions with them have mainly been them complaining about how expensive it is and how they just want both/all of them. He'll cheat again.

I know you are holding out for him because you really want him and because he has a lot more to offer than these other guys, but you have to look at it from his point of view. Because you think he is a catch, he may know these qualities and is using them to tag you along. He may know that he's a catch for you and only asked you out because of this so that he could cheat later and hopefully you would understand, letting him build up a little "side chick" harem.

People in general normally ask out guys or girls that they consider a catch, because the risk / reward ratio is large enough. If they ask someone out that is out of their league their ego isn't hurt because they are out of their league, and even a slight chance of them accepting is a huge reward.

So... just based off of that the people that ask out people that they are a catch to know it and want multiple partners, are desperate, don't know their value, haven't dated in a while, or have wildly different priorities than others.

My advice is not to stick with the forever-to-be-a-cheater guy or accept the guys that are trying to get a partner that is better than them, but to date a bunch of guys you consider equals that hold a lot of the same values with.

Spazzy19 · 2017-07-11T17:22:03+00:00

I took back my ex husband 7 yrs ago after he had an affair, but we'd been married for 4 yrs and together for 6 yrs. It took a lot of work on both of our ends, but he owned his actions and didn't make excuses like your bf.

Drop him.

Rivkariver · 2017-07-14T23:16:35+00:00

Never take one back. Next.

anothdae · 2017-07-09T00:50:48+00:00

Don't do a LDR.

You should have been on a break to begin with.

refelgallo · 2017-07-09T06:20:27+00:00

Men stray women betray. Men need their ego boosted/validated (this is only in reference to ONS) If he picked her up at a bar/club/library in your shoes I would consider taking him back. If he met her before and talked to her for any period of time prior to hooking up with her I, in your shoes, would not.

For future reference Do not do a LDR unless you were already dating I'm the same city for at least twice the time you expect to be apart

M_riane · 2017-07-09T18:33:03+00:00

Dump him. Dump him!

batting4fireflies · 2017-07-08T22:40:30+00:00

Not in these circumstances. Pass.

MissReagan · 2017-07-10T16:06:11+00:00

Drop him like a hot rock. He had no morals

Reprogramming_Life · 2017-07-10T17:26:31+00:00

Never take back a cheater or you will regret it! They have no respect for themselves or you. Dump him and don't look back.

azngirl7689 · 2017-07-11T13:40:41+00:00

Mm no. No kids? Not married? Deal breaker. The only time I advocate working it out or trying is if you're married or have a kid.

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T22:07:56+00:00

No.

OwnedAndLoveIt · 2017-07-08T22:41:22+00:00

Men want you to be understanding. Men and women are not the same. He had a physical need. You are the whole package he wants. He cannot have you. Not habitual, but it may happen in LDRs. His is out of line telling you about it.

Make it clear he needs to show you results of an std test before you get together again and that you find it disrespectful. If you love him, plan a future together or move on. Long term, LDRs are a mess waiting to happen.

Title	Do you ever take back a cheater?
Author	bellsofthecathedral
Upvotes	15
Comments	20
Date	July 8, 2017 10:25 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6m3w7c/do_you_ever_take_back_a_cheater/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/do-you-ever-take-back-a-cheater.73071 https://theredarchive.com/post/73071

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