Don't Ask Men to Commit: Femininity is Mysterious

Artemisa_of_Persia · 2017-01-23T23:44:58+00:00

The conservative figures (e.g Ben Shapiro, Steven Crowder) say they prefer a woman who's upfront with what they want. Their wives told them they were looking for someone to marry on one of the first few dates. I guess that would be good advice if you are looking for a traditional, principled guy. Also, it quickly weeds out the guys not into commitment.

I wonder, what type of guys would be attracted by the more subtle approach?

Zeus_Ammon · 2017-01-23T23:04:35+00:00

How do you feel about sharing your password with your partner?

Bit off topic but you should never do this anyway. It is not a question of trust. Accidents happen. maybe they write it down somewhere or maybe someone hears/sees you give them the password. maybe someone sees the text/email you sent them with your password etc. etc. Point is the fewer people that know, the better. especially since most people reuse passwords for everything (don't do that either).

Just like I always wear a seat belt no matter who is driving. I trust most people not to deliberately drive into a pole but it happens anyway.

PS: If you want to show trust just sign in for them

Willow-girl · 2017-01-24T14:46:00+00:00

It's been my observation that if a man is really interested in a woman, commitment won't be an issue. He'll WANT to take her off the market in order to fend off competition! If you have to hold a gun to a guy's head, I hate to say it but that probably means that he secretly thinks he can do better.

MissSarahSayre · 2017-01-23T23:29:38+00:00

Where in the world do people find these questions for the beginning of a relationship? I usually don’t hear of people asking any of these questions unless they are already in a committed relationship. If you want to get to know a man, listen to them and be interested. Men love having the chance to talk and to be listened to. Ask about their hobbies, their work, places they want to visit, movies, tv shows, what they wanted to be when they were little, etc. As you said, be pleasant company.

I have never hinted at commitment because I find it passive aggressive. It was sufficient for me to spend time with them and make it clear that I’m interested. I did have one where I said that I wanted to be in a relationship and he said we already were. One difference for me than is rather than try to have a man wonder, I’ve always been on the side where if I don’t have commitment at a certain point, I’m ready to walk away. However, it’s also been a while since I was in this situation so take it with grain of salt! As for if this works differently for different people, I can only speak for myself.

SilverSpoonRPW · 2017-01-24T00:14:40+00:00

I agree that the best approach is always a direct one. Men understand directness, not subtleties. I made it clear from the beginning with my husband that I was not into casual dating and was looking for a long term relationship leading towards marriage. About two months into dating I asked where our relationship was going and what our official status was. He did not have a good answer for the question at the time, but made it clear a couple weeks later that I was his girlfriend and he saw our relationship having marriage potential. In his defense I sprung the question on him without any lead up because I just wanted to get it out there and did not know how to bring it up. He knew me well enough to know that there was no wrong answer, and that I was going to just hear him out no matter what he had to say. In talking about it after the fact, he told me that he was pretty sure he knew he wanted to marry me about five months into the relationship (he proposed after about a year of dating).

My husband also made it very clear that he was not seeing or talking to other women. If I had played into that mysterious BS and actually continued speaking to other men or dating other men, there is no way I would be married to my husband right now. There is no way he would have put up with that kind of game playing. In my opinion no quality man would.

As far as the questions, I think they are all important things to know. My husband and I know the majority of each other's passwords, simply because you slowly learn them the longer you are together. One thing that would have been a deal breaker early on is if he had been extremely protective of his phone. Not because I sneak around and go through his phone, but because I do not like a lot of privacy or secrets in a relationship. I'm willing to tell him 99.9 percent of everything in my life (that .1% is mostly reserved for surprises), so I feel that he should be willing to do the same. Luckily my husband and I had the same opinion on this issue from the beginning.

You should also get the answers to the other questions prior to committing to someone for the long term (whether that is moving in together, getting engaged, married, etc.). They are all important factors the could affect the success of the relationship.

radioactivities9 · 2017-01-23T23:38:23+00:00

Gals, just after writing this today, I get a man I've been seeing asking whether I'm looking for a relationship at some point in our future. I'm not bull-shitting to make my advice seem valid. It's why the topic was on my mind, I seen it coming.

As much as it makes me smile, it makes me sweat. The answer to him is that I do. But I have to find out what it means to him. I'm not sure what his sensibilities are about monogamy. I'm def not going to ask that at this point tho.

deadsandsushi · 2017-01-24T18:44:34+00:00

I didn't. He asked me :D. I was dating him and another guy, and was pleased he asked me to be exclusive because I'm into him.

But I would have been fine continuing to date both of them too.

SouthernAthena · 2017-01-24T21:32:23+00:00

I've almost always been the one to bring up commitment, and it's always gone well.

I think this is a case of you projecting what you'd want from a man onto behaviours you think you should exhibit. It's well established in RP theory that women prefer "preselection" (the man has women already interested in him, proving his value) and "abundance mentality" (not seeming too desperate because of access to other women). Men do not value this the same way and tend to see a bunch of orbiters as potentially problematic.

There is also a RP theory I've read that states a man should always show a third of the affection a woman does and that he should let her say I love you first. I have also done these things before and have never been rejected. Men are naturally meant to be somewhat stoic. We respect them more for it and they appreciate our displays of affection.

Yes, men are the gatekeepers of commitment, but women are the directors of affection. I have always had success saying I love you first and bringing up the "what are we" and "let's make it official" conversations. I doubt I'm particularly exceptional in that.

Moral_Gutpunch · 2017-01-26T00:10:41+00:00

All of these are circumstantial and require context. His ex is batshit crazy and HE doesn't want to be friends with her. My ex is his best friend and we both like him as a friend.

Title	Don't Ask Men to Commit: Femininity is Mysterious
Author	radioactivities9
Upvotes	12
Comments	17
Date	January 23, 2017 9:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/5prxid/dont_ask_men_to_commit_femininity_is_mysterious/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dont-ask-men-to-commit-femininity-is-mysterious.86878 https://theredarchive.com/post/86878

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