Feeling Stuck on Self Improvement

morganKxoxo · 2018-10-17T22:49:37+00:00

First off, every single thing you listed is either temporary or can be fixed! The acne and braces will be a waiting game, but only a few months, and then that’s a HUGE improvement right there that will boost your confidence.

Just keep practicing with hair and makeup by spending time on YouTube watching videos and then just practicing and replicating what you watched. It’s a lot of trial and error but eventually you will get the hang of what looks best on you.

As far as being awkward, I’m a VERY anxious person so I always feel uncomfortable in social settings. But 2 things I learned: 1. If you look pretty it’s not noticeable if you act like you’re there with purpose, I’ve been told I look standoffish and intimidating but never awkward (even though I always feel super awkward) you just have to learn to hide it. And 2. Most people don’t even really pay that much attention anyway, you notice far more than anyone else does, people are too concerned with themselves.

cocodecoca · 2018-10-17T19:15:10+00:00

Most people are armsy dancers and dance to the lyrics/melody, which makes their dancing kind of suck. If you find the beat in a song, and practice dancing to that, you will automatically be a better dancer than most people in the club. I practice dancing in the mirror before I go out. To start, hold your hands behind your back, make them redundant and move your hips and feet only. If you find a way of moving that you think looks good in a mirror, you'll be able to feel confident dancing in public. And remember with dancing, no ones really watching your dance moves (unless you're really good). People just sense that you're in the moment and having FUN. In my opinion someone who looks like they're in the moment, dancing and enjoying it and who is confident moving their body looks like they will also be good at sex.

Kaboomboomboomboom · 2018-10-17T20:17:07+00:00

Sooo you have a ton of questions so let me pick out a few.

Being confident and relaxed in social situations: I have some herbal anti anxiety stuff, also mint tea which is calming. Beyond that, you can totally fake confidence. Smile a lot and strike up a conversation with a girl you don’t know at all about how you like her dress, etc.

Clothes: You say you need stuff for really cold weather. If you are bold, you can get yourself woolen winter dresses and layer as many pairs of black leggings under them as needed for warmth. Real leather boots, a colorful berry color scarf and matching earrings will do the rest. When I am very cold, I put my big cachemire scarf around my shoulders. That looks fairly elegant and is even appropriate for evening attire. You can totally go for relatively short dresses with prints because you’ll get the warmth from the leggings. Also, any type of tight fitting jeans or thick leggings pairs well with a blouse and a cardigan.

Make up: that’s a science for itself. I think you should start out by researching skincare and makeup even more than you probably did anyway because of your acne. Have your cosmetologist advise you on what brands and products are safe to use. Also, I like the website cosdna - they have a function where you can search for products or type in the ingredients and they analyze it. It has been very helpful for me. The makeup itself: for college, you don’t wanna go overboard every day. I stick with a B.B. cream, light rouge, light brown eyeshadow, mascara, brow product and a light lipstick. The goal is to look naturally beautiful. For evening looks you can obviously go bolder.

Additional thing: nicely done nails are important. I hate fake nails, but I like a manicure. I have learned to do my own nails - I keep them relatively short, but in a nail form that fits, and use nail lacquer regularly. Expensive brands tend to have more elegant colors, but the goal is to match the manicure to your general style of clothes and sometimes to the season. For instance, I never use pink in winter but either go for a natural rose look or for berry/wine colors. Also, you definitely need a see through lacquer that goes on top of whatever color you used. This will provide a lot of shine. I really urge you to buy a good brand here. I use the Chanel gel top coat and it holds up even when I do the dishes by hand or cook a lot, hell, even when I wash my hair. Just try out some products and find out what works for you.

I hope you get good advice on your other questions, too! Enjoy the shopping and the girly stuff :)

dian_slay26 · 2018-10-17T20:40:09+00:00

Ask your girlfriends where they shop, and pay attention when you receive compliments on your fashion! Hit the racks at your favorite local (TJ Maxx and Ross tend to have some gems!). Create a favorites list online and start liking all the clothing items that stand out to you as cute, you'll start to see what your tastes are like. Make sure your clothes are well fitted and compliment your body type, don't hide behind baggy clothing! There are lots of sites that give advice on what looks best on which frame. Also, take some time to look at yourself and admire what you do like about your appearance! It boosts confidence and will help you highlight your best attributes when choosing your clothes and jewelry. Jewelry also helped me elevate my look, a pair of earrings and a necklace always makes me feel more put together, even in sweats. I find bright colors, prints and fabrics that are soft on the body and not restrictive (satin, silk, velvet, soft cotton, etc.) make me feel very feminine and sexy. You can always find a flattering haircut with the proper stylist.

For FW, layering is probably your best bet for heavy winters, it's cute warm and comfortable! Scarves, gloves, hats and boots are winter fashion staples. Find a durable coat in a cute color or print. Thick sweaters in a nice cut and vests are great on fall days. Try and find some items with a little extra something that stands out for you. Fringe, sequins, bold prints, animal print, whatever floats your boat!

A smile is the best thing someone can wear, cheesy but true. Be your kindest, friendliest smiling self--

Play with looks and makeup until you hit your stride. Best of luck!

zionbeers · 2018-10-17T23:19:25+00:00

OP, I don’t know if you’ve already found a makeup brand that you already like, but IT Cosmetics’ CC cream has been my go-to while using tretinoin to even out my skin (tretinoin isn’t as drying as accutane but still makes skin sensitive). To me CC cream makes me feel healthy (it’s hydrating and has spf!) and like I’m helping my skin heal versus ‘ugh let me hide my skin from the world.’

lovin44 · 2018-10-18T01:06:58+00:00

So you acknowledge that most of what you're struggling with is a result of low self-esteem, and honestly this takes some time to overcome. You are in a good position though because everything you mentioned about wanting to change is something you are completely in control of changing. The braces and acne will take longer than you'd like, sure, but it'll be well worth the wait.

In the meantime, I'd suggest you fake it til you make it! Compliment at least one thing about yourself everyday. Exude confidence in the good things about you! Since you're starting "from scratch" with your hair and makeup and fashion, my tip would be try to look towards celebs or public figures that have a similar facial shape, hair texture, body type etc as you do. Note what you think helps bring out these features in a positive light and then apply your own aesthetic on yourself. A lot of the social media influencer type girls I follow on IG are those who have a similar body type or aesthetic interest as I do. I use the collection feature on the app to create collections for fashion, make up and hair ideas.

In regards to being more social, I suggest just getting to know all kinds of people. Compliment someone. Ask someone for directions. Start dumb small talk about the weather. Whatever! It's important that you listen to what people are saying, instead of focusing on what to say next or forcing an impression, allow your next reply to align with what people are telling you so that conversation flows naturally.

It's the same thing with the dancing. Allow your movements to flow naturally. So your friends aren't professional choreographers, but they probably are comfortable in their surroundings. This is why they look like they're having fun. They ARE, and that makes them approachable.

Obviously you won't 360 overnight, but you will get there! Investing in yourself is one of the most rewarding things you can do. I wish you the best of luck! xx

Kp9999kp · 2018-10-19T07:42:24+00:00

There is a really good medication for acne called isotretinoin. It's a last resort treatment in the U.K. As it is very strong and can effect your liver if you are overweight. It can also cause depression so it's a big decision to go on it. However, it helped me tremendously and I'm happy I did it overall despite the temporary craziness!

For clothes, I would suggest using Pinterest to make a board of styles you like and go from there.

Confidence is a tough one but you're still young enough for that to develop naturally. Try and find your tribe at college. Maybe you could bond with someone who also wants to run or workout. That way you could get in shape and make a friend :)

Good luck xx

IBakeDaCakes · 2018-10-20T18:35:21+00:00

Dancing can be awkward. I was going to say that you may loosen up for when you feel confident, which is true, but maybe you just feel awkward dancing. If you feel that way (about dancing or ANYTHING), at least try to have fun. You don't have to be good at it to look good doing it.

As for the rest, remember, you're doing thing to work toward your goals-- don't be so hard on yourself. Accutane is most likely going to clear you up, and you can also begin working on your skincare routine if that isn't something you've perfected yet (I got a lot of good advice and affordable product recommendations on r/asianbeauty). Braces really do change the way your face looks, but so do nice teeth, and you're getting there. 8 months is not long to wait in the scheme of things.

Clothing took me a long time to figure out. In college, I was pretty confused and wore a lot of strange things I thought were cute. When in doubt, look at what they're putting the models in online. Go for simpler pieces if you aren't sure, and just copy the styling they are using on the website. If your go to is sweatpants and hoodie, then you can only go up from here. If you have a nice body, most things will look good-- for you its just about buying a good bunch of pieces that can be mixed and matched.

I don't think really any of your concerns are going to be permanent roadblocks for you. You have a lot to work with and in a few months two of your biggest concerns will both be out of the way. I think you're going to be seeing yourself very differently and it wont take very much to up your game.

mytrpaway · 2018-10-18T08:22:06+00:00

Fitness. I used to be very fit ... Now, I’m so busy with school that I don’t have much time to work out.

Everyone makes time for their priorities. If time is truly a huge concern then anaerobic, explosive exercises will help you - think burpees. I've also had great experience with jumping rope.

How can I become more relaxed at dances, and what are some general tips for being better at dancing?

Dancing is a technical skill, much like any other physical activity. It's relatively straightforward to get better at it, but it can absorb as much effort as you want to put into it.

The first step is to work on body isolations. Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRmSyTIbYSw

Body isolations allow you do have higher quality movement. They are the foundation of your movement and are extremely important to be good at.

The second step is to learn vocabulary. Vocabulary is great to fall back on when you don't know what to do. It also makes improvisation much easier because you can mix and match from different moves instead of trying to make stuff up completely in the moment.

There are tons of places to learn vocab from: pop & lock, hiphop, jazz, tap, ballet and gymnastics are all great sources. Often, these require going to classes, as many teachers don't want to give out the secret sauce online.

One great source that I've found for vocab is fitness videos, especially ones that are obviously grounded in good dance technique. Fitness Marshall is a great example of this: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyqR7WkL8i1b6xtSssDmW9w

One thing to really notice is that the moves look really good because they grounded in the torso and legs; the arms are really an extension of the movements in the core of the body.

Lastly, video yourself moving and look at ways to improve.

If this is something that you really want to pursue I'd really recommend a more formal education in dance (classes and private lessons) in jazz or hiphop, and the basics of partner dance. Lindyhop and West Coast Swing are probably the most accessible, high quality partnered dances, although if you really like a different one I'm sure it'd be great as well.

apronandlace · 2018-10-18T17:36:21+00:00

Re: acne, I had terrible cystic acne until I tried going dairy-free (no cheese, milk, etc.) and stopped eating processed sugar. helps a lot of people.

You can learn a lot about being feminine and looking nice from:

-YouTube (beauty and lifestyle bloggers, there's a huge variety of personalities and topics)

-women's magazines (can get free subscriptions from recyclebank)

some stores offer shopping help, like J. Crew. personal shopper type people who help you pick clothing.

Lux_x_Aeterna · 2018-10-17T20:03:57+00:00

Have you tried more of a paleo diet? A lot of peoples’ acne is related to food sensitivities and/or glucose intolerance. That could also explain your belly as well. Try cutting out sugar, simple carbs, limiting complex carbs and eating mostly a diet of meat and veggies.

Title	Feeling Stuck on Self Improvement
Author	a_sad_orange
Upvotes	19
Comments	12
Date	October 17, 2018 5:48 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/9p0x68/feeling_stuck_on_self_improvement/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/feeling-stuck-on-self-improvement.75259 https://theredarchive.com/post/75259

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