UPDATE: I ended up bringing this up last night - it came about naturally and I would rather say it calmly than explode while upset and it felt like it might get to that point so it was damage control - anyway we were talking about organising the next meet and it turns out she isnt coming. I simply said, Ive noticed you are liking a lot of her pictures. and then I STFU because that it literally the only thing I could have said without sounding crazy jealous or controlling. He said yeah, I will stop if it makes you uncomfortable? I said I dont know that it makes me uncomfortable per se but I do feel a bit llike I might not be up to scratch. and he reassured me and said he just wanted to encourage her as the only other female in the group , and was really hoping we could all do couple things together (with her partner) as he thought they were classy whereas a lot of the men in the group are very - dont know how to phrase it, blokey? a bit raw? I dont mind that but I think SO does as he's quite refined - anyway I said that would be lovely and that was the end of the convo, he then spent 5mins telling me how hes so glad I enjoy his hobby and how he thinks I look sexy doing it (yesssss!)

I definitely am glad I said something calm...I wish I could have said nothing at all but the opportunity was there and I literally couldnt help myself. so the upshot is I feel it's not an issue anymore. she isnt even coming to the next meet, and another girl joined the group today, so those two things have diluted everything fantastically. I am really grateful for all of the common sense approaches here and it's really changed my attitude.

ORIGINAL POST:

Looking to nip a jealousy issue in the bud because it has caused issues in past relationships.

What is the problem? (Neutral phrasing: use words like "we," and "our" so that you aren't trying to off-load problems at your SO's feet when there's actually plenty of blame to go around)

I am not generally jealous or insecure with my captain re: other women because our relationship is great, but there's this one woman I feel weird about. We are all in an FB group for a particular hobby that captain enjoys and wants me involved with. This lady is married to a man and they are both very active with this hobby. captain seems to 'like' every picture of this lady, on her profile and in the group, she is tremendously attractive and very good at this hobby. We all meet as a group a few times a year. She's very flirty, with most men not just captain. These are just facts not accusations, by the way. The issue is I feel over-the-top jealous about it, specifically because she is so good at this hobby, I'm not really although improving and I feel like captain wishes he was with her, or would rather be with her - rationally I know this is unlikely and anyway she's married, but the feeling of jealousy is permeating and I dont want to ruin my relationship. It's been responsible for 2 1hr long moods of mine this week (He's not been here so I didnt express this to him as it's not his fault).

The issue for me is that he's liking all her photos and is obviously attracted to her, but the main issue is that i feel so bothered by this. He's allowed to be attracted to other women, I just feel hurt when he shows it. I'm aware this is my issue and I'd llike to sort it.

What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues?

I have some jealousy/insecurity issues - not huge and not as big as they once were, but nagging and niggling. 

Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested?

I dont especially have low self esteem but I think I do require quite a lot of attention and validation from the man in my life in order to be convinced I'm attractive to him. For myself, I'm happy with the way I look and work hard to maintain it. 

What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem?

Actively not mentioned his liking the photos which has been a herculean effort and in past relationships I would definitely have caused a row about it by now.

How long has this been an issue?

The past two weeks.

Are you making a mountain out of a mole-hill? If a woman you really despised came to you with this issue, would you still think it's a legitimate concern? Or would you tell her she's throwing things out of proportion?

Yes I probably am, but Im not bringing that to him, it's my issue and I'm posting to get practical advice on how to stop this hamstering. Ive chewed it over for 2 weeks by myself and the girlfriends have asked have simply said, tell him its not on. Except I dont want to be controlling with him! so Im not going to do that.

How's your bedroom life right now? Are you taking care of his needs emotionally and physically?

It always has been and continues to be amazing in every way. He's constantly telling me how satisfied he is with our relationship and how it's the best, most connected and exciting sex of his life. I feel the same. We adore each other. I really don't want to let this niggly little thing become a huge issue so I need to curtail it.