Of course the point of RPW is not to go down this path in order to bolster your self esteem, but the saying “To have self esteem, do esteemable things” is what kick started my path to swallowing the Red Pill. I think what I’ll be writing here can be called a field report but please let me know if another tag would be better. I have not formally introduced myself here yet so I hope that this post isn’t out of line. There will be a little background info about me further down. I’d been lurking for a long time, and made an account because I recently got an internship and wanted to ask questions in another sub that would help me do my job better. Interacting with you all has been much more rewarding than lurking :)

Extra info about manicbrklydreamgrl

If it matters, here is who I am: 26 years old, perpetual college student, in a relationship since this summer. Small but strong family, two dogs, living alone. Currently in the ethics track of the U of A’s philosophy program (and no, I don’t mind being personally identified – I’m not putting anything on the Internet that I would be ashamed of having an employer, parent, or authoritative figure see). I’m forthcoming about this because my location was immediately guessed in my very first post on Reddit and frankly there is nothing that doxxing could do to negatively affect my life, relationships, or career prospects (oh no, a philosopher has controversial ideas? Call the press!). I wish it was safe for more women to be loud and proud about RPW. Ever since befriending someone whose opinions are even more egregious to the SJW movement than TRP and seeing how the legal system treats them, I plan to do my pro bono work on cases involving the ramifications of free speech. It’s an issue near and dear to my heart.

Wow that turned into quite the tangent. Sorry! I know it isn’t pertinent to this FR but I hope it’ll help you get a feel for who I am as a person. It won’t happen again on any future posts.

Actual beginning of Field Report

Anyways, in June of this year I finally felt ready after ~3 years of work on myself so I got on Match.com and met the best man ever. We’d been unknowingly passing by each other pretty much forever (events, schools, etc). We both have very simple lives: work, campus, family, wash rinse repeat. That meant neither of us was meeting people. Being with him is such joy, I only wish we could’ve met sooner! But we both feel that now was the right time. He talks about the future within the frame of us being together for the rest of our lives and I feel the same way about him. I’ll be happy to tell you anything else you wish to know.

So anyways, Field Report. My hamster is/was super beefy. I could not understand how I kept finding good men and then failing miserably at maintaining my respect and love for them. I broke some very good men. I hated how I behaved but felt little control over myself… Shit test extraordinaire right here. Even now, having gone monk mode for 2 years and fully swallowing the pill almost exactly a year ago (for a total of 3.5 years focusing on self-improvement and 6 months in a relationship), I still unconsciously shit test. It doesn’t make any sense… I feel terrible about myself and my behavior, but it’s like getting swept up in a tide. The anger seems to come out of nowhere, but time and effort have proven the Red Pill to be very effective in reining in the hamster. I am so thankful for RPW and TRP! They are helping me turn into someone who I (and others) respect.

Just the other day, on December 9th, I caught the hamster mid-shit. My (extraordinarily great) boyfriend woke up with a headache bad enough to make him call in sick. He was better by early afternoon but his daily work requires a full shift so he stayed home. Happy to have the opportunity to spend a weekday with him, I brought over pizza and beer. Getting out of the car with a precarious combination of purse, beer, and pizza while balancing in impractical (but sexy) heels got the hamster running. I started thinking things like, “The dogs are going to jump on me, everything’s going to get smashed, of course he hasn’t thought to put them outside so I can get inside easily, this is bullshit, rabble rabble rabble…”

Absurd, right? This poor guy is under the weather, just happy to be seeing his girlfriend soon, and here I am trying to be angry with him. The irrationality of my feelings was so intense that RPW self-examination kicked in.

The internal line of questioning:

Why am I ticked off right now?

Am I setting reasonable expectations here?

How would I feel if I were him, opening the door expecting a doting girlfriend and instead getting a grumpy hamster?

Why am I expecting anything from him when I’m supposed to be the one taking care of him while he’s sick?

Am I shit testing because I sense weakness in him?

Why am I equating being sick with being weak? Is that reasonable?

Why aren’t I just happy to have the opportunity to show him some love?

How can I approach this situation in a less hamster-y, shitty way?

I got to the door, and the dogs were insanely excited to see me. Instead of seeing that as annoying, I saw it for what it really is: the awesomeness of unconditional, exuberant love. Boyfriend pulled the dogs back and all the goodies made it safely to the counter. We had a lovely afternoon watching the Batman marathon and napping. None of that would have happened if it weren’t for RPW – instead of us basking in domestic bliss, the village would’ve been burning to the ground.

RPW tranquilizes the hamster. RPW is awesome. Our relationship is better than I could've ever fathomed, I like myself so much more now, and I have a far greater sense of self control than (many, many) forms of therapy and self-help have instilled. Controlling the hamster and seeing how happy he is, when I could've so easily gone all Destruct-O, is just the best feeling in the world.

RPW works for me, it’ll work for you, it’ll work for any woman who wants a strong and happy relationship.

Thank you all for making and being a part of this place. You and your thoughtful posts are invaluable. You have changed (and continue to change) my life.