Grief

Ok-Land8573 · 2026-04-18T22:48:36+00:00

I know, I know how you feel. I had the same issue. But it's done. I'm married, neither my husband was a virgin when we got married, but we both regret that. We weren't converted to our faith when we lost our virginity (before we met). Now, 6 years being married, it doesn't matter anymore, I don't ever think about that anymore. You'll get over it!

SeaMuted9754 · 2026-04-19T00:57:59+00:00

I was a virgin till marriage and that marriage ended so does it really matter if you wait. Being a virgin doesn’t mean a long happy marriage. If anything to me it represents discipline and a respect for tradition. Many men will find those traits in you without you being a virgin through other parts of your life. Even just having a low body count is basically showing the same thing.

Men know women love hard and are told words of forever. They aren’t going to hold it against you that a younger version of yourself had feelings. The boys who do, don’t have the compassion you need to be a good leader. You deserve a man who can hold space for your situation and understand how no one is perfect but you are striving to be your best.

No-Ad8127 · 2026-04-19T17:23:18+00:00

Long rant incoming:

I’m a 29F (in June) virgin and I wish I wasn’t. I’m behind in every metric in life, and this is one of them. I don’t expect to have a decent man knocking on my door anytime soon, if ever.

I know that keeping your virginity means that you are more or less conscientious about your choices in partners and that it signals that you have discipline.

However, it is more nuanced than that. To a considerable extent, it can signal naïveté more than maturity, and it definitely doesn’t guarantee that the man you find would be a high quality man. (Just look at the chronically online men who demand that they have virgins. You really want to be involved with those pieces of work?) I really feel like a vulnerable target for men who think they can get away with being substandard in life and in bed.

I also think that some (not all) virgins have a superiority complex that would hinder them in their lives. They put too much value in their “purity” and expect to be treated much better than women who have lost their virginity. They don’t realize that they are not owed anything just because they didn’t go to bed with a man.

A lot of them think that they will have exclusive access to great men, but the fact of the matter is, they’re not any more special than the promiscuous women who go clubbing at 12 AM. Being a virgin is actually a deterrence for a lot of men, and its value is only high in certain religious circles. And even then, there is no guarantee that the men there will be good to you in the long run. (For religious people, a lot of them have secrets under their blankets.)

Snoeflaeke · 2026-04-20T11:52:03+00:00

Yeah but think about how fucked up that is to reject someone because they’re not a virgin… How many people have been sexually abused who suddenly get to be dropped like they’re nothing, for something they didn’t even get to choose? That was literally a huge part of my own story…

That’s so gross to me. To reject someone based on that.

I went on this whole journey of celibacy and restoring my purity in my mid-late 20s, just asking what qualities would I embody if I was a virgin that I feel like I can’t right now? And then bridging that gap slowly…

Finally got to a place where I was comfortable in myself but not looking outside of myself for validation… The ‘innocent as a dove but wise as a serpent” embodied…

It’s all about balance. If someone becomes too steeped in their sexual identity, they can lose their purity… But if someone becomes too caught up in their purity they’re missing out on the benefits of tapping into their seduction. Too sexual and it’s easy to become jaded and see people as only using eachother— Too far removed from sexuality and none of humanity’s dark underbelly of sadism and exploitation makes any sense.

almostthecoolest · 2026-04-18T22:52:18+00:00

Society didn’t lie to you nor did your parents he did. In the US it’s estimate that only 3-5% of adults are virgins at marriage.

He sounds insecure and he’s taking it out on you, sex unrelated I think you dodged a bullet if this is how he deals with problems.

Don’t beat yourself up. Things happen, forgive yourself, you need to do that to heal and find a healthy relationship.

drakesphere · 2026-04-18T22:01:39+00:00

If this is the reason it ended, he didn't deserve you.

Key_Hunter4064 · 2026-04-20T03:55:19+00:00

No one's in the wrong here, both of y'all just aren't Incompatible, he's not "Insecure" or "Childish" for wanting what he wants. Everyone's entitled to thier own preferences. With that said, that's not the end of the world, Non - Virgins marry all the time. You will still find your person. Everyone has a past thier not proud of so Don't beat yourself up too much about it.

You are in a much better position than most young women in this generation as you understand the importance of Body counts and the negative effects casual Sex. Take some time to heal from this experience and date with intention moving forward. Best of luck.

Any_Proposal_7473 · 2026-04-20T04:42:03+00:00

Yes, your sex history does impact your future partners/marriage and you should be conscious of who you lay with. Losing your virginity once and never having sex again is not as big of a deal in hindsight. If all that man cared about was your virginity status, then he wasn't a real man because there's so much more to a marriage than the woman's virginity. You need to contribute other skills like cooking, cleaning, nurturing, organization, beauty, etc. Choose a man who will look past this because it's very clear that you are regretful and won't do this again. The only thing you can do now is ask God for forgiveness and realize that you are more than a hymen.

moonchildcountrygirl · 2026-04-20T02:06:53+00:00

Virginity is special but purity is more important. When I was a virgin I was pretty addicted to watching pornography, I was depressed, I was filled with so much impurity. When I got closer to God I had already had sex yes, but I was so happy and free and joyful. No one is a virgin forever (unless you’re called to celibacy / being a nun etc.) if you base your worth entirely upon that what happens as you age, when you have children? Etc. spend some time with God, your heart posture in alignment with him is where purity comes from.

Ok_Delay_6293 · 2026-04-19T03:31:43+00:00

that kind of post makes me really scared

ArdentBandicoot · 2026-04-19T01:11:02+00:00

[permanently deleted]

ArdentBandicoot · 2026-04-21T21:57:06+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Same-Champion-6239 · 2026-04-23T07:09:41+00:00

I can totally understand where you’re coming from and completely understand your values but this is certainly not something to lose a SO (which is what I gathered) over. Virginity is a great thing but there’s no reason to keep beating yourself up over it if you’ve already beat yourself up over it once. There’s also no reason you should let it take anything more you hold dear away from you. (Also first times are no good anyway!)

PoppleScott_ · 2026-04-24T05:18:08+00:00

Oh no. Honey this was me. Almost lost my now husband over it.

Just hear me out on one thing: you are not meant to be punished forever. It is unbiblical for you to feel like you are a tainted less than individual. If you are a born again believer you have been made new in Christ. Are there still natural consequences to decisions we make? Yes. But you are not condemned. It is also unbiblical for you to do anything to punish yourself over this. God is THE judge. He does not need our help. He is often for gentle with us than we are with ourselves.

You are a child of God and any thoughts in your head that don’t support that perfect picture of innocence are from Satan. God is perfect and pure. You want to chase that feeling, chase God.

Praying for you friend.

Ancient_Internal7797 · 2026-04-24T15:49:37+00:00

Is it a trauma that he left you for this? Or because first time was painful?

Because you say youre not even upset about him dumping you…?

First times are painful for women. It would be with him too? This shouldn’t really cause sexual trauma either.

Or is it about you being treated in an inappropriate way sexually before this man? In that case it’s not your fault. It was his fault. Right?

CountTheBees · 2026-04-20T00:00:43+00:00

Virginity is a very different challenge for men than it is for women.

If the other guy dumped you for not being a virgin, then is it safe to say you were some time in that relationship and he was struggling with that fact for some time? Men who have options don't really spend long in a relationship where they have such a major deal-breaker so we can say that he didn't have many options, unless he dumped you immediately as soon as he found out.

The redpill describes women as the gatekeepers of sex and men as the gatekeepers of relationships. That's in the Axioms of RPW in the sidebar.

Meaning that, women can get sex easily but not relationships. Men can get relationships easily but not sex.

If you wanted to judge him equally, you'd have to judge him on his lustful urges - did he ever look at porn, did he ever masturbate to other women? Virginity is a big deal, especially religiously, but it's not the only way to be impure, especially if he's a man and can't get sex as easily as a woman can. Put in the same position as you we don't know what he would have done.

It's a little senseless to beat yourself up for taking the easiest road available to you as a woman when the man judging you never had that option to begin with.

AutoModerator · 2026-04-18T21:32:00+00:00

Title: Grief

Author PrestigiousCell5956

Full text: I’m completely heart broken that I’m not a virgin for my marriage. I’ve had some extenuating circumstances in my life, a brain tumor, but it doesn’t matter. What’s done is done. I can’t even bring myself to explain it anymore because it makes no difference.

I lost a relationship with someone I really cared for because he’s a virgin and I’m not. I’m not even upset about it, he’s right to wait for a virgin. Everyone should. It just makes me sad.

I’m angry that society lied to me, that my parents didn’t talk to me about sex, that I never knew what a hymen was, that I never knew to value my virginity. I’m sad that my first time was so meaningless and painful, I’m sad that I’m left with this trauma about something that should be a gift.

I’ll meet someone else who won’t care, but he should care. I care.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-04-18T21:32:00+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Grief
Author	PrestigiousCell5956
Upvotes	25
Comments	45
Date	April 18, 2026 9:31 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1spa31j/grief/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/grief.1578295 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578295

Comments