I (37f) have been seeing two men (37 and 40) and am reaching a point where I need to pick between the two. I like the perspective that this forum has and would be grateful for any advice and viewpoints on how to make the best long-term decision. I havent made the best choices regarding men in the past so would like to tap into the wisdom of RPW.

Bachelor #1 (40): Ambitious and very successful, with multiple degrees from Ivy league universities. Works in a lucrative field, travels a lot but doesn't have to actually work that much and has flexibility. We are a good match intellectually. I am not as wealthy personally, but my family is well off, so socioeconomically he is more of a fit. (I'm not trying to be elitist or snobby, but it seems sometimes these things do matter.) He has said unprompted that he wants to get married and have kids ASAP. Given my age, I also want to have kids ASAP.
My concerns are that he broke off his last engagement because he didn't feel "ready" -- I worry this is a sign that he doesn't know himself well. Also, I know and have dated many PhDs -- they tend to be so wrapped up in themselves, like their time and effort is inherently worth more than that of others. He is also an only child (tendency to be self-absorbed?) and most successful career people I know have managed to be successful because they are so selfish. He is also very handsy and I have to keep telling him to slow down physically -- is this a sign that he is selfish? He otherwise is respectful etc.

Bachelor#2(37): Physically more attractive to me. I like his energy and positivity. Chatting with him makes me happy and I look forward to seeing him. Our communication is more frequent and wide-ranging. I prefer him, but am worried that I like him for superficial or unsustainable reasons (sexual attraction). He is not wealthy but he is financially responsible (he owns his house outright) and is very responsible in general. His family is middle class. He says things like "I won't ever try to change you" which, to someone who grew up with a hypercritical family, is music to my ears. I nearly melted. He also wants to get married and have kids. He strikes me as being a generous person, in spirit and with money.

Ideally I would like to date each guy for several months so that flaws and compatibility issues can surface. However, it's not tenable in this situation so I have to try to anticipate issues. If I were to pick right now based on "gut feelings" I would go with #2. However, I worry that I am giving #1 short shrift because of preconceived notions (eg fears that he will be self absorbed/selfish).

Would love to hear other perspectives.