How do I “care less”?

UpperOutlandishness2 · 2021-04-19T13:43:39+00:00

[removed]

NotADirtySecret · 2021-04-19T14:39:32+00:00

Have your own thing.

I have suffered from the same stuff, and the key is to have your own life and your own interests and something that you are truly passionate about that you will continue to do no matter what.

For me, it is auto racing and going to the gym. I will never accept any relationship that severely curtails my ability to do both of those things.

They are my outlet, and the place where I find satisfaction and meaning in the face of all the crappy stuff that happens to us in the world.

Having that rock if you will, gives you strength and Independence which, perhaps paradoxically, also makes you more attractive.

ABQ_COgirl · 2021-04-19T16:44:57+00:00

The way you can "care less" is by focusing on yourself and having interests and hobbies outside of your relationship. It will help you feel fulfilled, your mind on other things, and it will also help you appear interesting to your partner.

1987dd1987 · 2021-04-19T15:00:27+00:00

Read “codependency no more” by melody Beattie!

wandering_leaf · 2021-04-19T18:41:22+00:00

It sucks that you and many of us women want to try and care less. Our capability for caring is so beautiful but it ends up being taken for granted, due to unstable relationships in the modern world. When it used to be that couples could only get married before premarital relationships, women could care 100% for their husbands without being taken for granted so much. Now we have to care less, be more individual and focus on other things not to care that much!

GellarMonica · 2021-04-19T18:38:46+00:00

Super relatable. I was and still am a lot like this and it’s been very tough to try and “care less”. Because that’s just how we are innately and that’s how I show love but I’ve realised it can come across as too much. And some people need to be given space so they don’t feel claustrophobic almost with the excess attention or care. It also ends up making me feel like I’m giving too much of myself to this person and it’s a shitty feeling overall. And what I’ve learnt and actually am still learning is distraction and keeping myself busy is the best thing you can do to try and get better at having everything not feel so one sided. It’s not necessarily caring less, because I know I’m just an over caring person. It’s about forcing yourself to legit not even have as much time to think about them lol. Another thing I did to help with this, was turn my phone notifications off, especially on whatsapp. I’d constantly be waiting for messages or jump on right away when he’d message. And the best thing is to just let it simmer for a while. Not in a toxic way where you’re trying to be petty and make them wait for a reply. But to just not always be AS available. Let the other person realise your worth aswell and give them a chance to miss you. As others have said, find some hobbies or just generally find things to occupy yourself and your life. Slowly and surely, it WILL happen. It’ll help train your brain and heart to not give so much of yourself all the time. Especially when you know it usually ends up in heartbreak or hurt. It’s really hard at first and you’ll even feel sort of cold and distant but trust me it’s the best thing you can do to protect your heart

SouthernGrass3 · 2021-04-19T19:46:08+00:00

I’ve been there before too.

What helped most was:

1.focusing on developing myself/pursing what makes me happy and more confident outside of dating

being kind and gracious, but not actually submitting or investing in someone unless/until:

A.they sincerely want to be with me because they like me as a person & as a woman (it is not always the same- a man might think you are beautiful and sweet, and want to have sex and buy you romantic gifts, but its not sustainable if he doesn’t like you enough as a person to actually spend time talking and doing simple things together.)

B. have the attributes I would need in a significant other (caring, nurturing, responsible, and have common values and some common interests as me).

vxr1 · 2021-04-19T14:40:19+00:00

1 - when you lose power in a relationship, its really hard to regain it. Something drastic needs to occur.

2 - Its sad to hear you say that you don't want to care ~~anymore~~ so much. Maybe you need an SO that cares more instead of you caring less.

JadedByEntropy · 2021-04-19T19:05:46+00:00

Obsession is not caring about someone, its codependency and hurts them and you. They push you away because it's harmful to them, or worse, use you until you break down and then blame you for not caring enough.

KT_Hyuga · 2021-04-19T23:59:58+00:00

You should focus on finding someone who cares as much as you. No need to dilute yourself. There is someone out there who will fit you perfectly. Do not settle.

Qkumbazoo · 2021-04-20T06:26:20+00:00

Have your own interests, time, friends, and activities. It should not revolve around him as he didn't make you the centre of his universe. He should be one of your priorities among many, not THE priority :)

Kat-and-Ardor · 2021-04-20T16:59:12+00:00

Try and keep your own life.
Give yourself distance in the relationship. Make sure you still have friends. I like to split my time 60/40. 60% of my time to my s/o and family, 40% to my friends. I'm not dating my friends, but they've been there for me and it's very helpful to have friends you can count on.
Try maintaining hobbies. If you can have enjoyable events not relating to your s/o, it will help a lot.
You shouldn't stop caring about him so much. It's good to care about your loved ones. If you want to stop caring about them, it seems you've been hurt. Try writing down reasons that caused you to not want to care. Does it seem like they don't care about you? If so, confront them about it. Put your priorities first. Make sure your emotions aren't being harmed. Take care of yourself. You have your own back at the end of the day, make sure you're safe and happy.
Having power isn't being able to care and stop caring all of a sudden. Having power is being able to control yourself and vocalize your needs, share what you desire in a relationship without fear of being criticized or brushed off.

Many people find themselves caring much more for their s/o than anything else. They get all of their "therapy" and emotional release from their partner, which is great, but you should maintain your own life. Depending all on one person and giving them all of your time sets you up for giving them your all and getting hurt.

Whisper · 2021-04-20T03:18:45+00:00

You are assuming that men are just differently shaped women.

Men do not stop caring because women "care too much". If men are acting indifferent to you, it is for some other reason.

Curtail_ · 2021-04-20T22:14:21+00:00

Don’t give significantly more than you receive in a relationship. If you’re giving 80% and he’s giving 20%, it’s not a good match. Pay more attention to how much effort they give to you.

Vegetable-Ad-837 · 2021-04-24T11:39:02+00:00

Simple. You wrote that he doesn't give a shit what you do. If this is correct then tell him to pissoff. You don't need his crap.

No-Ad3205 · 2021-04-25T05:18:40+00:00

Having a huge heart and being empathetic and caring are the hallmarks of a feminine woman.

You’re asking the wrong question. Your problem isn’t caring too much, it is about caring too much about the wrong men.

I’m married, I love my husband to the moon and back, I always want to spend my time with him, and take care of him, and share everything with him. Even with all that, I can still categorically say that he loves me more.

If I married the wrong man, who loved me less, who was annoyed with how much I wanted to pour my heart out to him, who “pulled back” whenever I “pulled in,” then I would be asking your kind of question—which is heartbreaking.

First, figure out the qualities you’re looking for, then do not settle until you find it. Do not settle for men that you have to nurture and cultivate a “colder heart” within yourself to maintain a semblance of a relationship with.

For me, I had to realize I wanted someone who was honest, trustworthy, who truly believed in monogamy and sacrificial love, and who was extremely caring. That led me to Christianity and then only dating Christian men. Anyone can call themself a “Christian” so this is where discernment from studying what Christianity is for yourself first comes in.

And then I met my amazing Christian husband who thinks my high empathy is one of the most beautiful things about me!

Title	How do I “care less”?
Author	UpperOutlandishness2
Upvotes	50
Comments	24
Date	April 19, 2021 12:50 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/mtzw9d/how_do_i_care_less/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-i-care-less.777660 https://theredarchive.com/post/777660

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