Is he a provider?

Jenneapolis · 2024-07-28T18:38:05+00:00

I’m not big on the whole idea of focusing on men being a provider. That being sad, I don’t think gift giving is the same as providing basic necessities. Are you looking for a life of luxury or are you looking for a man to provide the basics? Because I hear him saying he’s willing to provide for a life for the two of you but that’s different than giving an allowance for gifts and fun money.

Nerdslayer2 · 2024-07-28T19:12:25+00:00

Perhaps this is normal in your culture as you say, but this sub is mostly people who live in the west. In the west the expectation that your long distance boyfriend send you an allowance is ridiculous and entitled. Perhaps people in your own culture can give you feedback on whether his refusal to do this is actually an indication that he isn't interested in providing for you.

tsukaimeLoL · 2024-07-28T18:17:40+00:00

I'm confused, are you looking for a husband or a sugar daddy?

aniqa9 · 2024-07-28T18:23:34+00:00

He's a contributor and very much a provider. I think you're expecting him to be a sole provider, to fulfill more than just your emotional and basic financial needs. I'm aware that there are plenty of men that do want to be providers in that traditional sense (it also is very common in my culture as well and also expected of them), but they cannot do so in today's modern society due to financial hardships/burdens, disregarding the fact of whether or not you're aware of them. Actually, some men might even get the wrong idea and believe that they're only as useful so long as they can provide and fulfill these needs.

So that brings the question, is there any valid reason for him avoiding to fulfill his financial role? Does this gesture indicate a significant gap in his intentions and actions? Does your partner's behavior align with these expectations given your cultural background? How deeply will this affect his future obligations when he has to provide for the household?

Edit: Personally, I don't see any issue with him fulfilling his needs as a provider, he is doing what he can and shows it to you. You need to sit down and discuss these with him if it actually creates a discrepancy in your relationship. Ask him what he wants to be.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-29T12:58:04+00:00

I feel like this is missing too much cultural context. OP, have you tried a sub specifically for your culture?

Key_Hunter4064 · 2024-07-29T23:00:42+00:00

I come from a MENA country and culture too but to me this sounds entitled tbh. Idk which country exactly you are from but unless the lady is my wife then an allowance is normal. Idk know about the dating or courting phase. Plus women in our culture wouldn't even ask their men for gifts let alone an allowance.

It comes of as classless and low quality. normally it's the father's responsibility to give a lady an allowance. Asking a men who is not your husband for gifts and allowance is disrespectful to her father. It shows that her father didn't provide enough for her. It's always given as a gift by the Men and not an expectation per say. Do you want a life of luxury/sugar baby style or do you want a traditional relationship? I'm genuinely asking.

From what you wrote I think he's a great guy. I think you should inspire him to give you gifts and not ask up right as it might come off as entitled. Maybe our cultures are different but this just my opinion.

TheBunk_TB · 2024-07-28T19:22:28+00:00

What does he get out of this?

Zoe_Rae · 2024-07-28T20:23:56+00:00

I don’t think he is a provider BUT you can talk to him about these things. Just like you did with the gifts. I got an allowance as a gf because we spoke about it

At some point you need to find out what’s important to your partner and do those things, unless it’s really against your moral code. Like my fiancé loves my cooking so I cook and bake a lot, it takes no skin off my back and makes him happy. He doesn’t care about V.day but will make sure I feel special with plans and flowers. All this to say he shouldn’t make the gift giving thing about him.

I’m from Africa and men are required to be providers here. 50/50 or 70/30 whatever is out of the question.

Set the expectation for your partner. I know some people see this as entitlement but really you need to see if he is willing to rise to your expectations or not. Then you can make a choice

Goodluck! ♥️

manolosandmartinis44 · 2024-07-31T06:46:05+00:00

I'm married to a MENA man, but am not from the region. We also live in London.

He never gave me an explicit allowance, but he does pay for everything, except things like my makeup, mani/pedis, coffee/lunch at work, and the like.

Independent-Story883 · 2024-07-28T22:46:13+00:00

It doesn't matter what we think. You are uncomfortable with the situation. I would say he is not providing in a manner you find acceptable. Unless you are running a you tube channel - your relationship is a private bargain. You must live under the contractual terms, not this forum.

I think You are lucky to recognize your concerns early. Leave, live and learn. Let the next prospect know the standards you hold. Free this man up for some one who may be a better fit. To stay is to create the foundation for laying bricks of resentment. Years of this will have you back on here complaining about how you hate the way he holds his forks or coughs after sex so now you need a divorce.

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spinoff888 · 2024-07-29T13:22:34+00:00

You need a sugardaddy

This is not a cultural thing Not even in MENA

Yes, some men will give financial gifts, but you are asking for a weekly/monthly allowance

This is very different than a financial gift! Very very different. Men in MENA do spoil their women financially but not this way.

A regular allowance (excl married couples) is always sugar relationship/blurred escortism. It translates into paying a woman, like a salary.

Financial gift is I like to spoil you from time to time The differences are not subtle and are significant.

sadboi03 · 2024-07-28T20:59:19+00:00

I think you are just ungrateful/entitled , he's clearly a provider and you are clearly someone who's very entitled. You need to realign your expectations and realise that he is doing far more for you than you understand the value of.

You need to seriously consider if a spending allowance is worth more to you than true personal character.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-28T17:35:11+00:00

Title: Is he a provider?

Author DayEquivalent4111

Full text: I (25f) have been in a relationship with this man (30m) for over a year. We have a long distance and doesn’t get to meet eachother very often but every time we do we spend almost 1 month together. I tend to get attracted to men with a provider mindset, that wants to provide for their women. I have noticed that he embodies these caring traits like opening doors, carrying my bags, helps me if i’m sick et.c, but when it comes to the financial part i’m not really sure and alot of people say that this could either make or break the fact that someone would be a provider. He tells me that he wants to cover the rent when we move together and he wants to be in responsibility for the househould. But right now when it comes to the economical part I don’t feel like he provides enough. Like let’s say for an example sending a weekly/monthly allowance and tells me to go and buy something nice, it never happened a single time. This is for a fact a normal thing for a man to do in my culture, MENA origin. This comes from a man who tells me he wants to be able to pay our rent in the future. I asked him why he never does those kinds of things and he said gift giving has never been his strong side. Normally I’d say that this isn’t a providing man but when I think of all the ways he has helped me and taken care of me I get very confused, he cares of me when I’m sick, always helps me solve problems, thinks men are the ones covering rent. Isn’t a provider a mindset that covers all areas including economical? Is the whole ”gift giving is not my strongest suit, but i’ll work on it” an excuse. I’m not really sure and would be interested in knowing what you guys thinks about this.

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Title	Is he a provider?
Author	DayEquivalent4111
Upvotes	0
Comments	21
Date	July 28, 2024 5:12 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1eece5l/is_he_a_provider/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-he-a-provider.1525595 https://theredarchive.com/post/1525595

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