Is this the end?

DumbassVampire · 2023-08-27T14:01:46+00:00

When did that behavior start? How long are you married? How long are you guys togheter? Do you have an age gap?

Usually this sub reddit doesn't advise for breaking up, but.. you asked if he's okey and if he needs something. That is very sweet and caring my boyfriend asks me that on the regular too. I would never get an idea to tell him to shut up because he cares?

Your husband could have replied with a quick message "aw, thank you for caring. I can't talk right now much because my phone is on low battery." (Or something along these lines). Instead he takes the time to reply with aggressive audio clips?

What does he think will greet him at home when he comes back after sending these audio clips? It's very unproductive and just a waste of energy. I assume he just doesn't respect you much or treats you like a child would treat an overbearing mother.

Look out for yourself please. It's concerning behavior.

Also edit: that ping ping noise he mocked can be someone's favorite noise because their significant other texted them. Especially so quickly after he mentioned that he's unwell apparently. Seems to me like he's well enough if he can mock you like this.

Jenneapolis · 2023-08-27T17:45:47+00:00

OP, you should check out the book “why does he do that” about abusive men. It’s really helpful in understanding why abusers abuse and squashes a lot of misconceptions about abuse. I am not saying he is abusive, it’s impossible to know from this one example, however, you seem to be questioning it and the numbness you feel is often a sign of that pattern.

Fights should leave you upset because they should be a rare occurrence. When you get to the point where you are numb, it’s because you just expect the poor behavior, it’s not even a surprise to you anymore. You start to feel numb about the idea of the relationship ending - you may not want it to end but you also kind of quit caring because in some ways, it feels inevitable or better than living on the edge every day.

Personally, I think society has overall gotten to a point where we label conflict as “abusive” too quickly, however that does not mean we should overlook people who have actual patterns of consistent behaviors of abuse. Only you know what is happening day in and day out of your relationship.

RedPillDad · 2023-08-27T20:47:16+00:00

When I ran a business that employed mostly women, I had to help people make the transition from 'amateur to a pro'. I see some familiar patterns happening here.

Catastrophizing. This is where things get blown out of proportion, where relatively minor aggravations turn into deal-breakers. There's an emotional spiraling that happens, often facilitated by well-meaning friends.
Confrontation Avoidance. Some people struggle do discuss issues and keep things bottled up. Assertion is a valuable skill. There's a made-up word called 'carefrontation'. It's the ability to confront issues in a caring and respectful manner that enhances the relationship instead of harming it.
Drama Triangle. This is where something happens between two people and instead of dealing with the issue directly, one of them engages with others to share a victim narrative that is usually more about upset feeling than the original issue. This creates a 3 player dynamic as follows...

Persecutor (evil ogre) - They're the bad guy for acting so 'mean'.
Victim - the distressed damsel unjustly treated.
Rescuer - the heroic savior(s) validating the victim's struggle and rallying together to smite the ogre.

This Drama Triangle is a very common social behavior with women and can be very destructive to teams and relationships. I've seen men get involved as rescuers (white knighting), but men on the whole are less cognizant of social dynamics.

Aromatic_Ad5473 · 2023-08-27T12:53:57+00:00

He doesn’t respect you and he’s being borderline abusive. Why would you want to “come back from this”?

He’s the one who will have to change to make this work and it doesn’t sound like that’s going to happen. He could be pushing you away you so you end things and then he’s not the bad guy.

Unless he’s willing to hear you out, change his perspective, and actively work (through therapy) on being a better partner - it’s over.

arthuriduss · 2023-08-27T21:14:45+00:00

Do you look back on times with your husband fondly? How long has this been going on? I’m not sure how old you are but you speak with maturity so I’ll assume 30+ here.

You cannot have a functioning relationship if you both are walking on egg shells.

AutoModerator · 2023-08-27T10:45:52+00:00

Title: Is this the end?

Full text: I feel like my marriage has become a game. I am constantly thinking about how to word things to my husband; how to not take the things he does personally. The more he speaks to me the less I say because I'm worried I'll say the wrong thing or in a way he will become defensive.

I'm feeling numb now. I almost feel ambivalence. He's told me he comes before me. The things he wants etc. And so I'm starting to do the same and it only makes me feel less drawn to him.

Should I recognise this as the end? Or can I come back from this?

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I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2023-08-27T11:00:13+00:00

Whatever you did still bothers him and if you have already tried to win him back but nothing is working, then you already know the answer to your question.

flower_power_g1rl · 2023-08-28T04:39:07+00:00

Hey!! You are a huge asset on this sub. Your comments have helped me and others more than you know!

Sweetie,I remember about two months ago you made posts about not being wanted. I think there was an issue with porn, correct? I'm really sorry what you're going through. I kept reading the comments, and you said infidelity. Your marriage had been over the moment he contemplated infidelity. If you take a few days living elsewhere, like with a friend or family or even in a hotel, you will come to this conclusion...it's been over for a long time. He got into Andrew Tate who allows him to disrespect you on the basis of your gender.

All I can say is my bf grew up entirely without his parents and he never disrespects women with his words, least of all me. In such situations like the phone he says "Sorry I won't be available to text at that time, but we can talk after that. But if there's anything urgent, feel free to call me."

TheBunk_TB · 2023-08-29T01:03:14+00:00

Is he sick? Has he started to get stressed because of a long illness?

Title	Is this the end?
Author	Yougotmetripping
Upvotes	27
Comments	48
Date	August 27, 2023 10:45 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/162n4nm/is_this_the_end/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-this-the-end.1229930 https://theredarchive.com/post/1229930

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