What is the problem? (Don’t badmouth your SO!)

Right now DH is still unemployed. With the current market he should have found a job very soon after. But he has not yet found "something suitable"

The Unemployment Agency / Welfare Department has been coming down on it hard. Sanctions for not accepting low wage jobs and Flexi Jobs were put in place.

That left me to make do with a very very minimal amount of household money. I pride myself on being very frugal and inventive but even I begin to feel the strain now.

I bring some money but that cuts into the Social Money as well. (I will most likely not be able to make it work longterm unless we are off of welfare as Doulaing is sporadic work) So all in all we have massive problems in terms of money. My Father has made his concern known to DH, in a very kind and respectful way. But DH exploded into his face and said some deeply hurting things.

His parents are deeply concerned too but chose a way less constructive and supporting manner.

I feel like I am the one carrying the family while being treated like a maid at home. Cause he is mostly "resting". I envy all those women that get praised for being wonderful mothers, amazing cooks or just the best Wife. I get comments like "The food is plain, you are never home, why are you not ..." I could work as a teacher again, it would be a good, steady job that is mine by law. But DH has been putting his foot down on me working until LO is weaned by himself (no one knows when that will be), ideally not even until LO is in 5th grade but that is absolutely not feasible without him earning.

I deeply resent him for not supporting me with getting back to work in this situation. I also feel like had I known what I know now I would never have committed. I am not able to properly respect him anymore. I do not see anything worthy of my respect in that man I still love. Only a big man child who is throwing a deadly tantrum.

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How have you contributed to the problem?

I could have gone ahead without his support and got me my old job back. I also notice that I frequently ask how far along with his assigned Job search he is. Or I might comment on how bad it will get when we get only "existential minimum" that is also sanctioned. (Oxymeron by all all means but that is how it works here right now) Yesterday I told DH that I and the kids will stay with my Sister for a while. I know some day soon I will explode into his face. I do not want that but I am just so flummoxed by his behavior. I also do not feel respect for him anymore. Nor do I feel lustful and attracted. I respected him for being a hard and diligent worker that was proud of not being tied to state welfare even during hard times, of a loving father and husband, of his optimism and a myriad of other things I do no longer see in him despite me trying to coax it out.

I am the one in need of a soft pillow to land, and I stopped doing my very best after I saw no positive result. Going above and beyond became expected and routine and he continued to spiral down. I am still a supportive wife but I considerably care more for me and the kids now.

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What have you done to resolve this problem?

- I was very supportive and pampered him hoping to boost his confidence.

- We did MC but had to stop cause money was too tight.

- After I saw no change I dialed back on going above and beyond.

- I sought counsel in the family

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Do you have an active bedroom life?

He gets his sex.