Should I message him?

mamita9 · 2020-03-09T22:52:20+00:00

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2020-03-09T22:14:34+00:00

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PhaedrusHunt · 2020-03-10T02:14:34+00:00

Is your gut telling you this is the guy?

Listen, I was spinning plates like a mad man, thought I would never be with just one woman again, when I met my wife. I was mad about her right away. But I also kept living my life for a while, just vetting, and gradually just stopped seeing everyone else. I just liked her so much I'd rather spend time with her, and I didn't want to lead her on, or give any other women the idea that I wanted a relationship with them.

Why am I telling you this? Because I also understand pushing back. I need a lot of time by myself, I work constantly-- 55-60 hours minimum, and there were a few times I came really close to ending it a few times but I never actually did.

Other women came and went, and some were on and off, several times in some instances. But not this one.

It's never been on and off. It's only ever been on.

Now he may be shy, but he may also like you and just not know how to set boundaries. I can be harsh with my words, kind of hurt people's feelings by accident sometimes, but I don't hide my feelings. I told her early on my business will always come first and it upset her but she accepted it.

Maybe he wants a relationship but doesn't know how to do it and do the rest of his life, maybe not though. But he's definitely not "on."

ConstructiveAnswers1 · 2020-03-10T02:52:44+00:00

Don't be the plan b I know in your head your thinking this is your chance again for happiness, and love. I dumped my gf of 3 months because I knew in my heart I didn't want to be serious with her.

Every situation is different but usually if your with someone and you guys breakup like your situation it's because in his heart he wanted something better ..

So don't crawl back and be easy for him .. you need to better yourself and find a.new person

Whisper · 2020-03-10T02:58:07+00:00

I would be interested in revisiting but feel like he should reach out first considering he was the one who ended things.

"Should" means "I want".

You want to be with him again. You want him to reach out to you.

Well, it's good to want things, but if you try to navigate your life by wanting things and silently waiting for others to give them to you, you're going to be disappointed... not regularly, but constantly.

I had to call in an air strike on a lot of comments telling you that you shouldn't initiate contact with men because you are a woman. Of course, since "should" means "I want", that really means they don't want you to. They don't want you to because the idea of you having to do anything to get what you want clashes with their worldview, and the idea that women might have to take any sort of responsibility for doing something in order to get a good outcome... well, that makes them uncomfortable.

But they are just watching your life. You are the one who has to live it.

There is no other person in the universe who is willing to put as much energy into getting you what you want as you are.

If the amount you are willing to put in is zero, guess what that means.

Alitheia24 · 2020-03-10T06:20:27+00:00

No. He already pulled away before - you're not his priority. Dated someone else - you're not his priority. Dating someone who has recently came out of a relationship - never a good idea. I understand this "wanting to fix things" cause I used to do that and it has never worked for me. You just get used and hurt. Dont be someone's plan B when you should be someone's priority.

durtyknees · 2020-03-10T18:45:05+00:00

but after 2 or 3 months he started to pull away

After the novelty of the relationship wore off, he got bored of you.

he said it was because he wanted to focus on his work and he had family issues going on

This is the classic excuse people use to avoid trivial obligations.

should I message him?

Why would you even want to?

There's no shortage of attractive exciting men in the world that you need to settle for one who has rejected you the way someone would turn down the offer to do a TED talk about the pros and cons of having a baby shower.

Learn to vet better by working on your self-respect first.

Nina_Way · 2020-03-10T23:27:56+00:00

If you’re in a really good place then why go back to a BOY who rejected you?

NixieNik99 · 2020-03-10T05:41:49+00:00

If he wants you he will presue you ....

Pola_Lita · 2020-03-10T07:55:40+00:00

When/if he grows the backbone to actually start a conversation with you that includes at least a bit around whether you'd be interested in starting up a relationship again because x,y,z has changed, I would seriously re-think allowing this man back into your life. It doesn't seem like what he wants is a bad thing, but the idea that he doesn't just say so would be a big red flag for me.

WildTenderness · 2020-03-11T01:58:52+00:00

If I were you, I wouldn't reach out to this guy. Like another commenter said, he ditched you after the novelty of the new relationship wore off. If he doesn't reach out to you first, but you successfully reach out to him, how will you know that he's truly interested in you unless/until months down the line he ends it again?

Spare yourself from heartbreak. Delete him off of your social media for your own peace of mind and move on with your life. A man who wants you will make it very clear. You deserve to be pursued and feel desired.

szsunshine · 2020-03-11T14:53:51+00:00

He has already reached out by liking your photos. You've done enough by adding him.

Your instincts are right. He should reach out. Don't message him. DO NOT make it easy for him. Make him work for your time and attention. HE needs to make the effort, NOT YOU. Especially as he was the one to break things off. You do not want to be the girl he dates or hooks up with because he is bored, because going on a date with you is better / easier than finding someone on a dating app. and starting a new relationship.

Let him see through your instagram that you are living your best life, busy, happy, filled with success in your career, love from friends and family, etc. (do not post anything for his sake, but live your best life and let him see that your life is fine without him in it).

If you were the "right girl, wrong time" he will be willing to WORK to get you back and prove he is not a flake. Making it easy for him by being available and messaging him first is not in your best interest.

Title	Should I message him?
Author	mamita9
Upvotes	20
Comments	41
Date	March 9, 2020 9:46 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/fg2iwm/should_i_message_him/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/should-i-message-him.353938 https://theredarchive.com/post/353938

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