"The One."

teaandtalk · 2017-10-27T02:51:00+00:00

My husband makes me laugh and makes me feel good and safe and inspires me and I think he's super, duper sexy. Does that mean that he was 'the one' when I met him? No, there are lots of compatible people in the world, and I could have fallen in love with any one of them!

But I fell in love with him, and now he's 'the one'.

Makrii817 · 2017-10-27T02:58:26+00:00

Yeah, I think that's the problem with a lot of relationships today. People go into them thinking that their partner is the One who will solve all their feelings of inadequacy or fill their need to belong and every other want or need in their life. But the problem is that there is no person on earth who can perfectly fulfill you or give you meaning. You have to find that on your own. Your partner isn't a fantasy; they are a living breathing person with wants and needs of their own. Relationships and marriage aren't a panacea to all of your problems. Finding that person who helps you grow and learn is amazing but they aren't the solution; they are just a support system. On the other hand, I did know when I met my husband that he was the one I was going to marry. Maybe it was just the naïveté of a never-been-in-a-relationship girl but from the minute we started talking, I knew deep down that he was someone special. He once told me that he never believed in soul mates but if there is such a thing, then I'm his and he's mine. But all of this does not mean that marriage and love is easy; it takes time and effort and sacrifice and a whole lot of communication. People forget that so easily and think that once they're married or in a relationship, all their problems will be solved. But really, I see it as just adding another person's burdens to your own life but saying that you're stronger as a team to conquer them all.

crushedants · 2017-10-27T04:17:26+00:00

I’ll let you in on a little secret - there is no such thing as “the one”. Those amazing fireworks and feelings in your heart and soul are actually what happens when your with someone that’s reasonably compatible with you on some level. Letting go of the concept of “the one” is a very positive thing. Instead of looking for quirky coincidences that affirm your divine plan with this person, you actually use your brain to determine whether it could work.

Whisper · 2017-10-27T08:39:48+00:00

It is wise to focus less on finding "the One", and more on being "the One".

Ariel125 · 2017-10-27T03:37:45+00:00

I had a lightening bolt moment while dating my husband. He put his huge arm around me while we were having a drink waiting for a table at a restaurant, and he looked at me with such caring eyes. And at that moment it struck me like electricity through my body. He was "the one".

Even after 10 years of being together (and knowing him for 18 years) I still get the chills when I look at him.

Your friend is right, though. It should be easier for her. The thing I tell people is that marriage should be the easiest thing in your life. Work, bills, family, kids, and external circumstances are the hardest. Marriage should not be. My parents agree and they've been together 37 years.

ragnarockette · 2017-10-27T03:06:28+00:00

I think my husband is "the one" for sure!

LateralThinker13 · 2017-10-27T19:56:54+00:00

I've got a friend who is post wall (33) and has been a bit unlucky with relationships.

Unlucky, you say. Might want to read up on Robert Heinlein's definition of "bad luck".

she's been nagging a lot so he's been very cold with her.

What? He doesn't reward her nagging? The cad!

She was telling me that she's thinking maybe he's not "the One" because she strongly believes it should be "easier than this"

What should be easier than this? Driving a good man away? She seems very practiced at it.

obviously she has this overly romanticized view of marriage and relationships.

Not obvious at all. She sounds like she has typical blue-pill female entitlement, and it's getting her nowhere. In fact, it's sabotaging her relationships.

Does ANYONE who have an overly romanticized view of marriage ever have a successful marriage?

My wife has seen me as her "the one" all her life (I've known her since her teens) but I never did anything about it, because she was just a starry-eyed kid (not a pedo here). She did nothing because I was married (to a feminist shrew - never again). When I divorced three years ago, she made her move and got me. I've never regretted it or looked back. We're both happy as can be.

girlwithabike · 2017-10-27T12:26:23+00:00

My grandmother told me that your man should give you butterflies and that my grandfather still gives her butterflies (they were married around 50 years at the time of this conversation ). That was my metric.

Implying that there is only one man/woman out there for you indicates a bit of a naive view of how relationships work. It downplays the role of hormones and brain chemistry in the early stages and the work that any relationship requires in the longer term.

Rivkariver · 2017-10-27T15:38:01+00:00

One time an old married man at my church gave a talk about marriage. He said his wife and he had chosen to go through life with "a soul mate." It wasn't this fate thing, rather they chose to walk with another soul through life together. I think that's what The One really is.

that_other_person1 · 2017-10-27T16:17:17+00:00

My husband and I get along very well. We’re both nerds that like to analyze things in conversation, and both like to weigh opinions on both sides of issues. He is very calm and rational, and is quite open minded. I know he’s not the one, because that’s not a thing. There are many potential people that could be your one. But he’s super awesome and their are only small differences between us. We don’t have large disagreements. So even though it’s hard going the long distance route, he’s worth it and I look forward to building our life together.

tuyguy · 2017-10-27T05:51:47+00:00

Only if your husband is NEO.

NEO is the one.

BatPotato15 · 2017-10-27T15:23:44+00:00

there is no such thing as ''the one'' the millionare sexy smart guy that guy is banging chicks in their 20's so i dont think there is much she could do she should have gotten off the cock carousel 8 years ago and settled

Rivkariver · 2017-10-27T15:31:55+00:00

Definitely a problem. And if you consider any tiny aspect of a marriage from a practical viewpoint, you're suddenly some cold-hearted witch. Marriage has been practical for all of human history.

Willow-girl · 2017-10-28T03:11:57+00:00

I think it's more common for people to try to hammer a square peg into a round hole -- to try to make a relationship work, SOMEHOW, ANYHOW! -- than it is for people to give up too quickly.

If there are already significant problems in the dating stage, that's a huge red flag, is it not?

tinykittenblep · 2017-10-31T06:53:18+00:00

No, because real life doesn't work the way it does in a person's romanticized fantasies.

In my romanticized fantasy, my baby squawks here and there and is immediately soothed by my calming hushes. In reality, my baby fusses and wails and kicks and flails and it can sometimes take 20 - 30 minutes of non-stop "hushhhhh" and soothing methods before she is asleep.

In my romanticized fantasy, we drive across the country having the most comfortable of sleeps ever. In reality, I was never more sore and I was eaten alive by mosquitoes, and my fantasy never took in to account constantly throwing quarters in campground shower stalls and how annoying that is.

The same thing applies to marriages: the person with the romantic fantasy think if they nag or bitch about something, their partner will immediately pick up on it and they'll have some tumultuous fight before he finally sees her way, and some "relationship = level up!" notification pops up. The reality is: her partner is most likely getting fed up with the fact that he is with someone who can't resolve a problem rationally without resorting to bitching and nagging and is slowly checking out of wanting to be in the relationship at all.

Title	"The One."
Author	cuspids
Upvotes	12
Comments	35
Date	October 27, 2017 2:30 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/790gu8/the_one/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/the-one.73659 https://theredarchive.com/post/73659

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